Because sports should never run your life ... retorts for sports

Category Archives: NCAAM

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Saturday, 3-30-19 (and click for some Dean Wormer)

NCAAM Update (Elite Eight — Day 1):

  • The Carsen show tonight was quite entertaining, but the more important development turned out to be that the Cavs move on by relying on their offense, with potentially huge break out games from stars Mamadu, De’Andre and Guy. For many skeptics, this game was a warning that UVa does indeed have a path to the title. #Boilermakers #Cavaliers
  • Another futile attempt by Few in the NCAA ends in crushing defeat as the Red Raiders carry the mantle of the Big 12 with pride on their side. The going got a bit too physical and rough for the Bulldogs, who looked intimidated and flustered when they took the ball into the land of the TT trees. #RedRaider #Bulldogs

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Friday, 3-29-19 (and click to hear Tattoo exclaim, “The Plane….”)

NCAAM Update (Sweet Sixteen, Day 2):

  • It took a real Herro to lead UK past little Corey Davis and his tribute-to-John Stockton short shorts. Houston battled impressively, but in the end just couldn’t execute … and got executed. #Cougars #Wildcats
  • It’s another wild and woolly finish for the Devils, as Va Tech comes up empty from point black range; you just can’t cover Zion with one (or two) guys, so maybe the only answer is a capitulation zone. Don’t look for any such strategery from Tom Izzo, which suggest it’s going to be another trip for Duke to the Final Four. #BlueDevils #Hokies
  • North Carolina gets beat to a crisp at its own game, as beyond hot Auburn heats up in the 2nd half, and there’s simply no way to hold them Tigers. Don’t try to grab the tail, Roy, … you’ll get dizzy. #Tigers #TarHeels
  • Hard working Michigan State bullies its way past a surprisingly passive LSU, setting up another daunting task for the Spartans, as they ready to face their perennial nemesis Duke. #Tigers #Spartans

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Thursday, 3-28-19 (and please, listen to our Runaway Train clip and wipe that piss off your face)

NCAAM Update (with a Danish translation):

  • Turner turns into Edwards at the wrong time, and victory turns to tie and then to defeat for the vanquished Vols. Give the Boilers lots of credit for keeping their focus in OT, running better offensive schemes and doing a better job going for the jugular. Sorry Tennessee, but as you can see, in the Sweet Sixteen it’s either execute, or get executed. #Boilermakers #Volunteers
  • Turner bliver til edwards på det forkerte tidspunkt, og sejren bliver til slips og derefter til at besejre for den besejrede bind. Giv den masser af kredit for at holde deres fokus i ot, løbe bedre offensive ordninger og gøre et bedre job, der går for struben. Undskyld tennessee, men som du kan se, i de søde seksten er det enten at henrette, eller blive henrettet. #fuld #frivillige
  • Turner turns into Edwards at the wrong time, and victory turns to tie and then to defeat for the vanquished Vols. Give the Boilers lots of credit for keeping their focus in OT, running better offensive schemes and doing a better job going for the jugular. Sorry Tennessee, but as you can see, in the Sweet Sixteen it’s either execute, or get executed. #Boilermakers #Volunteers
  • Ugly Duck offense goes into catatonic spasm for the last 5 minutes against a UVa team that falls back on their old reliable friend … a slap-happy, sturdy defense. Memo to Tony: come up with some better plays (you’ll definitely need it against powerful Purdue). #Cavaliers #Ducks
  • UM gets flattened by the wrecking crew that is Texas Tech, finding their reservoir of transition lay-ins and drives at the bucket completely dried up in the face of an extremely lanky lad from Lubbock. #Wolverines #RedRaiders
  • The saga of this year’s Gonzaga continues unabated, as even a larger than life Christ figure cannot save his Seminole brothers from an unholy exit. FSU’s offense sputtered consistently, getting some tasty shake and bake from T. Forrest and not much else. The Zags appear to be on a crash course with the Big 12 Champs, and that should be a battle royale. #Seminoles #Bulldogs
  • Unfortunately for UT, they found themselves in Haarms’ way today, and that’s one dangerous jib to navigate.

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Sunday, 3-24-19 (and click to listen in to a real entertaining road trip)


NCAAM Update (2nd Round):

  • Oregon now has its Ducks in a row for plans to go much farther in the tournament.  They match up very well with No. 1 seed Virginia in the next round. #Ducks #Anteaters
  • It’s Blackburg over Lynchburg in San Jose. #Flames #Hokies
  • Other than Kaleb Wesson, who was more equipped to throw the discus, the Bucks were completely unprepared for today’s track meet with the Cougars. You had better be ready with your game faces on, Kentucky. #Cougars #Buckeyes
  • UVA shrugs off a horrific game from supposed big gun K. Guy, and slides by the inept Sooners. Yes, the Cavaliers got enough done on the inside, thanks to an inspired game from their Rodmanesque spark plug Diakite, and they appear to have a rather cushy draw in the next round; however, one has to wonder how this smallish squad, which sports 4 guards in its starting lineup, will be able to measure up to an imposing Purdue or even Tennessee when and if they hit the Sweet 16. #Sooners #Cavaliers
  • Hawkeyes go into their habitual coma to start the game, engineer a miraculous about face to tie things up at the end of regulation, and then do an extended blink, which sinks them in OT. #Volunteers #Hawkeyes
  • Bulls get neutered by the length and utterly stifling defense of Lubbock’s overgrown Red Raiders. Hard way for the season to end for a Buffalo team that mastered the Mid-American, but was clearly out of its league against the best of the Big 12. #Bulls #RedRaiders
  • Tar Heels had the magic feel today and kick sluggish Huskies to the curb with a relatively routine thrashing, overwhelming their opponent with speed, size and a beautifully balanced attack. #Huskies #TarHeels
  • No Tacko, no box out on the free throw, no victory for the Knights. Brackets remain in tact; however, Duke shows it is vulnerable. #Knights #BlueDevils

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Saturday, 3-23-19 (and click to listen to Richard Welhner in The Promotion)

NCAAM Update (2nd Round):

  • How bout those Auburn Tigers? They’re Grrrrrrrreat, and had less trouble than many expected sprinting by lumbering Kansas. #Tigers #Jayhawks
  • Kill Vill was playing tonight in Hartford, with Carsen Edwards doing a perfect job as supporting actor. And unfortunately for the defending champion Wildcats, Phil did not emerge from his booth wearing his Superman cape. #Wildcats #Boilermakers
  • Minnesota dutifully defers to its Big 10 tormentor Michigan St., playing without focus, attention to detail and any discernible game plan on offense. #GoldenGophers #Spartans
  • No sag in the step of the Zags as they overwhelm the befuddled Bears. #Bears #Bulldogs
  • In a very stately pitched battle, the pride of Tallahassee murders Murray with an embarrassment of athleticism. #Racers #Seminoles
  • Michigan manufactures a rather unsightly win over the Gators, who threw up enough bricks to protect small sections of our Southern border. #Michigan #Gators
  • UK dogs Terrier Fletcher into a nothing for a dozen nightmare from 3-pt land, making Wofford fans wretch in the process. #Terriers #Wildcats
  • Turtles left stranded on the roadside and without a ride in J-ville as Waters seeps to the basket and sinks the clincher. Basketball Bengals look hungry and dangerous as they wait for Michigan State. #Terrapins #Tigers

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Friday, 3-22-19 (and click to hear some Stooges)

                                            Iowa St.’s far-fetched dreams go up in smoke

NCAAM Update (First Round):

  • Buckeyes bully their way to a very hard earned win over a self destructing Cyclones squad that sees another quality year go up in smoke. Bad loss for a team that seemed poised to do a lot more, and much of the blame lays on a coaching staff that never bothered to make simple defensive adjustments to secure the boards and limit OSU possessions. #Buckeyes #Cyclones
  • Suffocating defense paints Saint Louis into a corner, and let’s get real, there was no way the fundamentally sound Hokies were choking a 22 point 2nd half lead. #Bilikens #Hokies
  • Bulldogs make it a daily double of Mississippi teams to leave the tournament with some serious egg on their faces after getting burned by the Liberty Flames. #Flames #Bulldogs
  • Rams fall to a very scary 7 ft. 6 Tacko. #Knights #Rams
  • The scrappers from Iona somehow had more than an iota of a chance coming out of halftime (with a 5-point lead), but Roy’s boys had too much talent and exploded for a devastating trip down route 55. #Gaels #TarHeels
  • When the hell raisers from Houston met up with the Panthers, their high octane attack left Georgia State in a state of disarray. #Panthers #Cougars
  • Dukies unveil a highlight-reel of snazzy moves to bypass the undersized Bison. #Bison #BlueDevils
  • Somewhat overlooked Huskies earn braggin rights against Aggies. #Huskies #Aggies
  • After running into red hot Oregon, the big red Ws are officially gone. #Ducks #Badgers
  • No bull here — Buffalo is a legit threat to win it all. As for ASU, save that weak stuff for the PAC-16. #Bulls #Devils
  • Suspect Cavaliers use some 2nd half soul searching to find their cojones and escape the clutches of mighty mouse, Gardner-Webb. #Bulldogs #Cavaliers
  • Somewhat tenuous halftime lead holds up for Tenn; they’ll need to be a lot sharper next round. #Raiders #Volunteers

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Thursday, 3-21-19 (and click to hear a great motivational speech)

First Round Update:

  • Territorial terriers have no trouble marking their spots on the deck of a floundering, New Jersey Pirates’ ship. #Terriers #Pirates
  • Wolverines trash Grizzlies’ camp site … wait, didn’t this just happen last year? Why wasn’t Montana better prepared. #Grizzlies #Wolverines
  • Baylor-made game plan has no problem penetrating the soft upper belly of the Syracuse zone. #Baylor #Syracuse
  • Powerful Purdue forcefully exerts its dominion over Old Dominion. #Boilermakers #Monarchs
  • Saint Mary’s forgot to say its Hail Mary’s in getting turned away by the somewhat forgotten, defending champs. This team is still well-coached, highly disciplined and poised under pressure … and nobody in the field wants to face them. #Gaels #Wildcats
  • Today, another fairly ridiculous first round drubbing was administered to Fairleigh Dickinson. #Knights #Bulldogs
  • How ironic — Kentucky’s Wildcats feed Abilene Christian’s to the lions. #Wildcats #Wildcats
  • Never, ever underestimate that Gator pride, which reared its prominent head in a first half ransacking of the Wuff Pack. #Gators #WolfPack
  • It was only Thursday, but that didn’t stop messed up Marquette from getting beat six ways from Sunday. #Racers #GoldenEagles
  • Great confidence builder for KU, as it stuffs the obedient Huskies and gets in the right frame of mind for Bayou Bengals. #Jayhawks #Huskies
  • Another Big 10 big boy survives, as Bruno’s Terps bypass Belmont’s Bruins. #Terrapins #Bruins
  • Spartans toe the line and do just fine against the battling Braves. #Braves #Spartans
  • Leonard’s legion of long armed ‘Noles casts the Catamounts in a very deep hole, and rolls on to avenge last year’s painful elite eight defeat. #Seminoles #Catamounts
  • Auburn can only thank its lucky stripes in narrow escape against Aggies, who inexplicably pass up a tying lay up, and then clunk two out of three at the line to seal their fate. #Aggies #Tigers
  • We should’ve known little Pitino would bring his A game in dusting off his daddy’s former employer. Louisville’s extended funk lives on, as they look surprisingly flat and get pushed around in a very disappointing loss to muscular Minnesota. #Cardinals #Gophers
  • Late rally by Bulldogs falls short, leaving LSU to fight another day. Not bad at all for the Ivy interlopers from New Haven. #Bulldogs #Tigers

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Sunday, 3-17-19 (click to hear Matt Dillon talk about some goofy bastards)

NCAAM Update: Bulldogs lift their legs high enough to clear the Hahvaahd hurdle

NCAAM Update:

  • Dogged and determined Bulldogs lift their legs high enough to clear the Hahvaahd hurdle, and matriculate as Ivy rep to the big show. This team has the potential to turn your bracket upside down and inside out. #Bulldogs #Crimson
  • Sheep in Wolverines’ clothing wilt in the face of second half Spartan onslaught. #Wolverines #Spartans
  • Here’s a Pearl of wisdom: Bruce’s Tigers have just begun to feed. #Tigers #Volunteers

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Saturday, 3-16-19 (click to hear Janice and Ralph do some bedroom play acting)

Lamonte certainly dropped the big one today on UK…

NCAAM Update:

  • My how the worm has turned in the SEC, as Tennessee’s Lamonte drops the big one on the Wildcats from beyond the arc in the closing seconds. Rick Barnes has these Vols believing in themselves, and that’s big news for a program that has habitually disappointed come crunch time. #Volunteers #Wildcats
  • Well not exactly, but college basketball’s version of the New England Patriots just keeps annoying everyone outside of Durham by doing what Duke always seems to do … that is winning. This year’s grunt work is being done by a very talented squad, led by a man-child, with Wes Unseld’s girth in the shoulders and derriere, Kobe’s competitiveness and a combination of power and speed that brings to mind a young LeBron. Good luck taking these guys down at the Big Dance. #BlueDevils #Seminoles
  • Spartans back up there No. 1 seeding by beating up the Badgers, and get set for another Michigan grudge match. #Badgers #Spartans
  • We haven’t seen a cyclone this destructive blow through Kansas since the days of Dorothy. This KU team just doesn look that lethal … even for 1 or 2 rounds. #Cyclones #Jayhawks
  • Wolverines send the Gophers out to fetch the cleaning, make some copies, and then give them the rest of the day off. As we all suspected, those overachieving rodents had no business doing battle with powerful Michigan. #GoldenGophers #Wolverines
  • Kelvin Sampson has his Cougs in the groove as they walk off with the AAC Conf title and get ready to improve on last year’s near miss effort. This team is talented and ready to do more damage to the egos of the power conference big boys. #Tigers #Cougars
  • Not too many teams are equipped to run with these Bulls. Maybe the college team can do what no pro sports team has ever done for the long suffering city of Buffalo. #Bulls #GreenFalcons

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Friday, 3-15-19 (Bob Marley style)

NCAAM Update:

  • Not time to say “Au Revoir” to these gophers. Minnesota stirs things up in the Big 10 by reverse engineering the Boilermakers. #Boilermakers #GoldenGophers
  • Officially dethroned, KU hopes to be signing a redemption song in the Big 12 final against Iowa State. #Jayhawks #Mountaineers
  • Roy and UNC take a serious fall after all that beautiful jammin by Duke’s Mt. Zion. #BlueDevils #TarHeels
  • Buffalo Soldiers outlast the Chippewas. #Chippewas #Bulls
  • Up by half a dozen at the half, the studly Spartans make it stand up. #Buckeyes #Spartans
  • Could you be loved less if you were 30-2 Hou? Probably not, but they display some serious hubris in dismembering the Huskies. #Huskies #Cougars
  • Virginia continues to wait in vain for regular season accomplishments to have any real post-season relevance. #Cavaliers #Seminoles

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Thursday, 3-14-19 (click for some Osbourne Cox)

Timid turtles stay buried in the trenches against Herbie’s henchmen.

NCAAM Update:

— Syracuse was in for a very bumpy ride, as the ACC Tournament enters the Land of Zion, and Williamson’s Dukies will their way forward with a methodical beat down of The Orange. #BlueDevils #Orange

— Given their very reliable history of flaming out in the Tournament, this year’s streaking Wahoo’s would be well advised to take the latest run with a grain of salt; in time meantime, they’re very happy their Salty center is hitting his stride offensively. #Cavaliers #Wolfpack

— Make a mental note of this next week, when MD swaggers in with a top 6 seed; good luck flipping the switch/looks like some of the Terps’ connection are short circuiting under pressure. #Cornhuskers #Terrapins

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Wednesday, 3-13-19 (click to get to know Ted)

Maybe its a good thing to run with a Wuffpack …

NCAAM Update:

  • Clemson chokes away a huge lead to the Wuffpack, and is left to ponder its post-season fate sitting on that proverbial, protruding bubble. #Tigers #Wolfpack
  • Nobody could possibly have a bone to pick with that marvel of modern defensive schemes, the Syracuse Zone, as well as Boehim’s big decision to adopt the Buddy system. #Orange #Panthers
  • It would be a cardinal sin to underestimate the Cardinals come tournament time. #Cardinals #FightingIrish

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Friday, 3-8-19 (click to hear how to workout post 40)
Bushwood — Where Golden Gophers go to lick their wounds…

NCAAM Update:

  • Terps finally stick their heads out of the shell, and send the Gophers scurrying back to Bushwood with an expected, but still important, win. #GoldenGophers #Terrapins
  • Buff mow down Bowling Green and looks plenty mean for a Mid-American champion. #Bulls #Falcons
  • Va Tech’s now shoe-in for the tournament, while Miami may not even be on the NIT bubble. #Hurricanes #Hokies

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives: Wednesday, 2-20-19 (click to listen for Dick van Dyke theme)

Another “Shoe”-related mess in college basketball engulfs the big boys …

NCAAM Update:

  • Yikes! Shock and awful grimacing in Durham, as the Zionic man blows out his Nikes. #TarHeels #BlueDevils
  • Sweet revenge is a long time coming for Pat Ewing, against the team that broke his heart. #Wildcats #Hoyas
  • This looks like a classic sleeper of a squad biding their time in Syracuse; watch out for this team to do what Boeheim is known for … getting into that mesmerizing zone, and grinding out ugly, but effective, victories over soft favorites. #Cardinals #Orange

NCAA Update, Recap and Perspectives: Tuesday, 2-12-19 (listen for a far out tirade from the Tooz)

Beilein makes a bee line for the locker room

NCAA Update:

  • Puke: another impressive as hell ACC road win for Duke…#BlueDevils #Cardinals
  • Michigan lacks staying power against pesky Penn St. when Beilein is stung with an ejection. #Wolverines #Nittany Lions
  • Kentucky caves in to Kavell at the buzzer. #Tigers #Wildcats
  • A very lean (and mean) Cassius guides the Spartans as they stick it to the Badgers in Madison. #Spartans #Badgers
  • 25 years or so after UM’s Jalen Rose, another Jalen rose to the challenge at another UM as Boilermaker bubbles evaporate late against the Terps. #Terrapins #Boilermakers

Law Office of Brandon S. Chabner

A Professional Corporation — providing business and outside general counsel services, including entity formation, contract drafting and negotiation and transaction structuring.

for more information, go to and mention promo code “CHABDOG” for a 20% discount on our regular hourly rate.

Winner of Easy Reader’s 2017 Best of Beach/Best Business Attorney