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Category Archives: Tennis

Australian Open Update: 1/14/19 (Women’s Singles) (and click post to hear Henry Gibson’s last 30 seconds in the Blues Brothers)

Serena could hardly have looked meaner

Aussie Open Update:

— Serena enjoys being the Meanest Machine we’ve seen since The Longest Yard in swatting away Tatjana

— Larsson makes Lapko her lap dog

— Begu disposes of petulant Petkovic

— Rosy outlook for Wozny? Time will tell, but the smart money doesn’t like the smell.

— Kvitova looks pretty fit in unloading her magazine on Magdalena

— If only Parmentier could’ve done a better job covering the perimeter against Potapova

— Peng wishes she was playing table tennes against hard hitting Bouchard

— More Madison Keyes, please

Australian Open Update: 1/14/19 (Men’s Singles) (and click post to hear Tony drop the hammer on Richie)

Unfortunately for Bernard, win and Tomic weren’t served together

Aussie Open Update:

— All burned up after getting mastered by Marin, Bernie lets loose on little lord Lleyton
— Munar landing is a rough one for Jaumie, who is forced to accept a rather unpleasant retirement package from Fognini
— For Ivo, its off to the races with aces against humble Hubert
— A million kisses down under for Millman
— Fans are treated to a rousing showing of the picture Viktor Victorious
— Mirza lacked the basic skills to grasp Henri’s on-court artistry
— Big Mac attack leads to Rublev removal
— 1573 turned into a wonderful garden of Ebden
— Stylish Feliciano released on his own recognizance
— Successful 1st round ride for Italian stallion Seppi
— Mon dieu its another breezy win for Monfils
— No more tennis for Tennys
— Murray trips due to a bum hip
— Minimal exertion for Federer against Istomin
— Taylor stitches together a neat win over Norrie
— Bolt undresses Sock
— Colorful fireworks for American Ryan Harrison
— Goffin gives his opponent a Christian burial
— Zverev not about to be taken in by Aljaz
— Kamil is history again Nishikori
— Query what exactly happened today to sad Sam Querrey?

US Open Women’s Singles Update (Finals) (click for audio):

US Open Women’s Singles Update:

  • Not so serene Serena gets bounced by a very worthy champion Osaka. Although calling the umpire a thief doesn’t seem like a hanging offense, her tone, combined with smashing her racket on the ground hard enough to destroy a Chase ATM, as well as the prior infractions resulted in a penalty that was arguably justified under the circumstances.  There’s a bit of an anger management issue that has never been addressed, and in her press conference there was really no acknowledgement that she had handled things badly, not to mention any apology.

US Open Men’s Singles Update (Round of 16, Day 8):


US Open Men’s Singles Update:

  • Blood was spilled in the late night part of the session, and it wasn’t Millman’s , who took out the almighty Fed with some of the most energetic, inspirational tennis by an underdog you’ll ever see
  • Djokovic wills his way to a rather cumbersome, blue collar win over Sousa; yes, he has a lot left in his tank for rounds to come
  • Nishikori gives Kohlschreiber the cold shoulder in straights
  • Tennis’ largest palindrome has one again found a home in the quarters of a major

US Open Women’s Singles Update (Round of 16-Day 8):

US Open Women’s Singles Update (Round of 16-Day 8):

  • Sharapova’s ball toss was extra-terrestrial today, and that meant double-fault trouble for her against Suarez Navarro; Maria certainly fought hard, but her court coverage and service issues were too much to overcome
  • Madison massacres Cibulkova with raw power
  • Osaka outlasts Sabalenka, who needed some lessons in how gracefully accept defeat under bad circumstances
  • Tsurenko to tserve in the quarterfinals

US Open Women’s Update (Day 7):

US Open Women’s Singles Update:

  • It was no big deal for Serena to go from an intense skin tight cat suit, to a flowing purple blouse with ruffles, hiding her intimidating muscles; today she slipped a bit, but came up big in the third to clip Kanepi
  • Pliskova makes sure Barty’s party’s over
  • Sevastova didn’t have to sweat much in the third against Svitolina
  • Elise seemed to have taken leave of her good senses, trying to slug it out with Sloane

US Open Men’s Update (Day 7):

US Open Men’s Update:

  • Rafa teaches Basilashvili the basics of how to bash and bludgeon your way into the next round
  • KA’s no match for the metronome-like precision of Thiem’s ground game
  • Rafa teaches Basilashvili the basics of how to bash and bludgeon your way into the next round
  • Big John Isner inches closer to his first Grand Slam title by draining Raonic’s power source in five
  • Delpo didn’t need any helpo from the crowd, but certainly got it, as he completely aborts Borna, his opponent in tennis shorts

US Open Men’s Update (Day 6):

US Open Men’s Update (Day 6):

  • Fed eases his way into the next round, coasting so much that one of his shots successfully goes around the the post
  • Emaciated Gasquet probably wonders why he even bothers to play against his master, Djokovic
  • No. 4 Zverev takes an unexpected cold shower at the hands of Kohlschreiber
  • In the short end of the draw, Kei rejects diminutive Diego
  • This year the Millman is really delivering
  • Goffin wins points early and often against Struff
  • Cilic had his hands full with De Minaur, who’s so fast he can chase down a drop shot, stop on a dime, call his mother, and get to the next shot on time; … and what was with his shiny, green and blue /Seattle Seahawk prison stripe shirt

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