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Meet ChabDog’s “Desperate Housedogs” (Owen, Greta, Andre and Mickey)

Brandon-and-Chabdogs Brandon-and-Owen


Episode One- Desperately Seeking the Missing Whiffle Ball

Open with the song “My Generation” in the background.  Shots of the two main stars of the show- Owen and Greta, two cute as can be blond American Cocker Spaniels. Under their pictures show their nicknames. Owen’s nicknames are “Slowen” and “Licky Owen”.  Greta Ginger’s names are “Greta Ginger”, “Greeter”, “Tufty” and “Greta the Gremlin”. Show some of their favorite daily activities such as begging for food, stealing food, being carried around like babies, sleeping on the bed of the house owners, Mimi and Popi, barking at the Fed Ex delivery man and staring at the dogs outside the glass partition. Shot of guest stars “Mikey” and “Andre” the bulldogs in the backyard. Show some of their favorite daily activities such as barking at house guests using the pool that is next to the backyard, Andre eating massive quantities of roast beef and ramming his head into the plastic barricade that keeps him from getting into the house, Andre looking like a lumbering linebacker as he chases a ball, and Mikey tunneling under the barricade. Mikey’s nicknames are “Blue Jean Baby” and “L’il Mike” and Andre’s nicknames are “Meathead” “Andre the Giant Head” and “Jowls”. End intro with introductions of child and adult TV stars, including “Ben Chabner” “Gus Thomson” “Luisa Thompson” “Bebe Thompson” “Amare Steward” “Davi-EIIen Chabner” “Sol Thompson”, and “Bruce Chabner.”

These are the stories of two Desperate Housedogs, Owen and Greta, and two other dogs, Andre and L’il Mikey, who are
desperate to be “housedogs”. Owen and Greta have plenty of love, food, and a nice roof over their heads. So why are they desperate? They say one year for a person is like 7 years for a dog. Perhaps dogs know how precious each second of their life is, how limited their time here on earth really is? Maybe this is what drives them to experience each moment to the fullest, so urgently. All we know is that they are desperate to be with their masters … to be in the house with us. They are, our Desperate Housedogs.


Scene 1

Voice of narrator:
“It was one of those beautiful blue Nantucket days, and Owen and Greta were up bright and early.” Show Owen and Greta curled up in bed next to Mimi and Popi (Owen at Mimi’s feet and Greta at Popi’s). The Rooster crows and Popi and Mimi stagger out of bed and over to the kitchen, with Owen and Greta dutifully following.

N: “Owen and Greta make their daily pilgrimage to the kitchen in Mimi’s heaven, where everything happens. It is here that opportunity knocks and life is lived to the fullest for these Desperate Housedogs.”

N: “Owen is the elder statesman … 7 years old and still as cuddly as ever (show Gus cuddling with him on the couch and telling him they will be married) but with his share of health issues. Among other things, he has had numerous ear operations and is now recovering from a knee operation to repair a torn ligament. Nobody (except Greta) knows how he hurt himself but we think he jumped for one too many sandwich tops …. in effect, he overextended himself.” “Now Owen focuses on catching anything that falls under the table (or is accidentally? given to him from the table) (show Gus funneling bread and pasta to him under the table at dinner) but he can still surprise you with spurts of athleticism as he makes sure no crumb is left behind (show Owen stealing a sandwich top from Brandon as Brandon gets up from the table and leaves his sandwich unattended).”

N: “Owen’s brother, Mimi’s son Brandon, has made it his mission to bring Owen’s left hind leg back to life, with some physical therapy, in the form of doggie paddling in the backyard pool. Every day this week, Brandon works with Owen to make sure he gives that leg a good workout. We don’t think Owen likes it very much, and despite coming from a waterdog breed, he resembles more of a buoy with legs, rather than a duck hunting canine, but he is making progress every day, and getting rewarded with biscuits for his efforts.” (show Owen shaking his ample belly after getting wet when he comes out of the pool … with water going through the fence and hitting Andre in the process, all as Andre continues to bark at the scene).

N: “And if Andre happens to get wet, so be it …. Or will there be a day or night of reckoning?”.


Scene 2

N: “Everyone gets carried away with Greta Ginger. And how can you not be. She is always there to greet you, morning, noon, and night.” (show Luisa carrying Greta in her arms like a baby, talking baby talk) (show Amare holding her by her front paws, proposing marriage).

N: “So it wasn’t surprising when Amare, Gus’ best friend, made Greta his wife that Summer day. He had talked about it before, but never followed through. Now he made it official, with Popi doing the honors.” (show Popi saying- “I now pronounce you “Boy and Dog… Greta you may lick Amare) (show Greta licking Amare).

N: “But was there something more here? We also know that Gus is Amare’s best friend, and we know that Gus had previously tied the knot with Greta’s bunk mate Owen {show Gus and Owen). Was this just a case of Amare letting Greta get her licks in, so she (and he) would be left out”

N: “Whatever the reasons, both dogs loved the attention …. on the kitchen floor, on the couch …. And particularly under the dinner table.” (show Gus shoveling food to Owen, while Gus’ mom, and Greta’s mom are not looking).

Brandon: “Gus, I’ve heard of love at first bite, but this is ridiculous. If this keeps up, Owen will not be able to get through the doggie door. I guess it’s true that you love to watch the ones you love eat. Just like my grandma throwing chocolate cake and hamburgers at me when I walked through the door.”


Scene 3

Show the sun shining in through the glass of the main floor of Mimi’s Heaven. Owen is lying on the floor near the fridge, in the cool part of the room. Couldn’t be more comfortable. Greta is sitting in Louisa’s lap, as she plays cards with Ben. Mimi is on the phone. Meanwhile looking in on the tranquil scene … from outside on the porch … stare the sad faces of Andre and Mikey, the bulldogs.

N: “Poor Andre and Mikey. They look so sad. So disconnected. Banished forever from the warmth of Mimi’s heaven. All because they
are so intimidating, so scary (Brandon, Mimi’s son, calls them the “Scarsdale Scaries”), and of course they have no place inside, after the scene a few months earlier, when Andre barged in unnoticed, ate from Owen’s bowl, and then proceeded to nip Greta on the leg and take Owen down for the count (show scene from past fracas). After that misstep, both Andre and his sidekick Mickey, family dogs for Mimi’s grandchildren (the Thompsons) were forever barred from the house.

N: “But the specter of their presence, lurking in the shadows of the huge background of the back yard, cannot be ignored.” Show everyone inside at night, eating and laughing. Then we hear the wild howling of Mikey and Andre, barking at the moon. It comes and goes and goes in fits and spurts, and when they hear it, Owen and Greta look scared and then start barking, a fearful barking at that. And there is the scratching and digging sound as well. Mimi remarks that she thinks Andre is doing this, but the Thompson kids dismiss it, saying she blames Andre from everything. And there is growing speculation that Little Mickey has in fact figured out how to evade Popi’s barricade and make his way into the house through the doggie door. No proof yet, but speculation.

N: “And where is that whiffle ball? The one nobody could find after Solly’s foul ball disappeared over the fence and into the bushes in the backyard …. where Andre was getting relief from the sun. Noonie (Mimi’s daughter and Andre’s mommy wonders whether Andre’s recent upset stomach is due to his ingestion of this ball, which no one can find, or perhaps has resulted from Andre’s overindulgence of his huge appetite for roast beef, or god forbid, new fertilizer that has been laid in the yard the day before.”

Cut to scene in the backyard, with Popi explaining to Ben that there is nothing to worry about” “the backyard enclosure is totally secure. He points to the barricade and the wire fence that keeps the bullies from being able to exit the enclosure and get in to the house through the housedogs’ doggie door. “Ben, don’t worry, it’s totally secure!”.

N: “Whatever the truth is, things come to a head one night when it is raining hard …. we’d like to say raining cats and dogs.” Popi says to Mimi- “The dogs need to go out. He leads Owen and Greta downstairs to their room, where we see them exit out the doggie
door to go to the bathroom.

N: “The kids are huddled around the TV, watching a scary movie “Jaws”, when there is heard a loud clatter of thunder, and a horrible
screech coming from the doggie room down stairs.” Show Greta sprinting up the stairs, all wet and slipping frantically to get a grip on
the family room floor as she scrambles to make a beeline for Mimi’s bedroom and proceeds to disappear under the bed. This is immediately followed by Owen, who somehow seems to regained the use of his left hind leg, as he rockets in the same direction (with his tail sticking straight up in the air), and similarly disappears under the bed as well.

With the shark approach music of Jaws in the background, the children stare in disbelief as the lights in the house go out from the storm, and then there is a bolt of lightning, showing a dripping wet, muddy image of Andre, who has somehow made his way through the doggie door and is standing at the top of the stairs, all dripping with water and face completely black with mud, but holding a punctured white whiffle ball in his mouth …. And his sidekick Mickey, standing next to him, panting and smiling. Play the song Wanderers by Dion.

N: “At least we know now, where the whiffle ball is, and we can see that Owen’s leg is in working order. Thank you, backyard bullies.”

Camera moves back down the stairs, as Popi takes Andre and Mike back outside. Focus in showing Mikey’s backside, which looks like Mikey’s wearing blue jeans. Play Neil Diamond’s “Forever in Blue jeans”.

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