Another week More shitty picks! Welcome to another episode of watching me barely make .500 on my weekly NFL picks, “Against the Spread (ATS)”. As you can see below, I’m in last place, but also in last place with the CEO of Chabdog Sports. So if I make more shitty picks, the CEO will probably love me more because at least he won’t be in last place. Also, is that a dildo on the field in the picture below??? Ahhh, only at independently owned Chabdog Sports can we somehow and magically pull off these shenanigans on the West Coast of America. Is it because we work with “Frank The Tank” from Barstool Sports and they love him so much no one wants to mess with our little mom-and-pop show here in Cali? Is it because we are owned by a law firm? I don’t know, so here you have it, more shitty picks…and a dildo from a Californian trying to make a brand for himself. So without further delay….my shitty NFL picks.
(Week 2 Results – Eric Sauve)
GIANTS +10*: The 49rs are not the Cardinals, but I also can’t see them getting plowed like Week 1 against the Cowboys. On paper, the 49rs are favored offensively, however, they are showing a slightly weaker defense (although some of that can be attributed to the yards they gave up to the Rams). I like to think that the Giants have more life than to be beaten by 10 points…also hope they kick it when they’re down by 12 points.
(per ESPN)
RAVENS -8*: The Ravens are offensively and defensively better than the Colts. Additionally, Colts QB Anthony Richardson is listed as questionable with Gardner Minshew getting all the practice this week. This could get really ugly for the Colts making an 8-point spread look like chump change.
(per ESPN)
TITANS -3*: Had the Browns had Nick Chubb (RB) coming into this game, I may have picked the Browns -3. However, that is not the case, and will lean on the Titans to keep this game close or take home the W.
(per ESPN)
LIONS -3*: Jared Goff has racked up some great offensive numbies & beating out the KC Chiefs in Week 1. The Falcons are undefeated and show great defense. This game may be close with the edge going to interceptions or mistakes. This is a home game for the Lions and I lean on them putting on a good show for their fanbase.
(per ESPN)
SAINTS +2*: Everyone who knows me knows I’m a Packers fan, but I try to make picks based on a feeble attempt to win money. Saints are undefeated and have great offensive and defensive numbers going into this game. Additionally, Aaron Jones is questionable for this game compacted with my low confidence that he’ll play a full game against the Saints (if he plays). +2 is looking like a gift to me.
(per ESPN)
TEXANS +9.5*: On paper, the Texans actually have better offensive and defensive numbers with C.J. Stroud (QB) going for more yards and completions than Trevor Lawerance (QB). I can sit here and deny the math and say the Jags are going to run over the Texans by more than two touchdowns, but I’m simply going to go with the science here against a 9.5-point spread.
(per ESPN)
BRONCOS +6.5*: I love watching Russell Wilson (QB) lose, and the 0-2 Broncos have done a great job of keeping the streak going. The Dolphins on the other hand are undefeated with great offensive numbies coming into this game. However, the Broncos have lost by less than 6.5 points in the last two games and have only beaten the Patriots by more than that. This could turn out to be a close game considering the Dolphins QB has already thrown two interceptions. In the end, the Dolphins have the offense to go 3-0.
(per ESPN)
VIKINGS +1*: The battle of the 0-2 Chargers and the 0-2 Vikings with a 1-point spread makes this game, “the shit game of the week”. The Chargers are coming into this game defensively weak and in Minnesota. Everything is screaming for the Vikings to break their losing streak.
(per ESPN)
PATRIOTS -3*: The Patriots come into this game offensively and defensively favored against a 4-interception Zach Wilson New York Jets team. Had it been Aaron Rodgers, this game may have leaned the other way. I see the Patriots getting a confidence boost here when they beat the Jets by more than 3 points.
(per ESPN)
COMMANDERS +6.5*: I know many are leaning on the Bills, but we’re not talking about the Bills beating the undefeated Commanders at home…we’re talking about the Bills beating them by more than a touchdown. The numbies show that the Bills are not going to destroy the Commanders the same way they destroyed the Raiders. Now if they do destroy the Commanders, I do have Josh Allen on my fantasy team so I hope it’s by a million gazillion points.
(per ESPN)
Seahawks -6*: The Seahawks have been hit or miss the last two games with numbies demonstrating a weaker defense. Wouldn’t take much to keep this game close considering the Panthers lost to the Saints by only 3 points. However, with the Panthers star QB and RB listed as questionable with zero to nada practice this week, it could spell a huge disaster in Seattle for them (especially if they don’t play).
(per ESPN)
CARDINALS +12.5*: The Cowboys have been absolutely fantastic coming out of the gate and easily expect them to be the 3-0 Cowboys. However, the numbies show the Cards to be a little more competitive. Additionally, the Cards have not lost to any team by more than 4 points. Cowboy fans, regardless, should be happy with the actual outcome of this game.
(per ESPN)
BEARS +12.5*: The Chiefs have not beaten any team so far this season by more than 8 points and currently have Isiah Pacheco (RB) listed as questionable. The Bears are not a good team but hope that they’ll put in enough of a fight to keep it closer than 12.5 points. Regardless, Chief fans should come away happy with this game.
(per ESPN)
RAIDERS -2.5*: I am not a big fan of this game since both teams are hit-and-miss right now. The question is who’s going to hit and who’s going to miss. I am currently in a suicide pool and am not making this game my pick of the week since it could swing either way. This is a home game for the Raiders (home opener) and they’ve won two of their three last at Allegiant.
(per ESPN)
BUCS 5.5+*: Two undefeated teams that will be battling it out in Tampa. There is no math that says one team is going to blow the other out of the water here. I expect a tight game and the Bucs to cover the spread on their home turf.
(per ESPN)
RAMS +2*: This is a gift pick considering Joe Burrow is questionable and may not even play on MNF. Offensively and defensively the RAMS look better on paper with a healthier squad. The Bengals have yet to win a game this season and are likely to continue that streak on Monday. My money is on the RAMS.
(per ESPN)
*ALL ODDS COURTESY OF MGM SPORTSBOOK (09/17/2023)
| @darthvaber99
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