Because sports should never run your life ... retorts for sports

Australian Open Update: 1/17/19 (Women’s Singles) (and click post to hear something about Mary and those goofy bastards)

Australian Open Update:

— Sabalenka doesn’t go down quietly (unfortunately for those within earshot), as she gets ruthlessly dismembered by teen angel executioner Anismova
— Osaka was noticeably off her game, but had more than enough ammo to off Zidansek
— Halep survives the 3-set plan of comrade Kenin
— Little known slugger Yastremska bashes her way to a surprise win over No. 23 Navarro
— Not even a genie out of the bottle could’ve saved Eugenie, who gets roundly throttled by Serena
— Anastasia annihilates Aliaksandra
— Defending Champ is dumbfounded as Sharapova finds the steely resolve she’s been searching for, and it’s Caroline who clutches up when it counts; the moral to this story is good defense is usually not enough … you usually have to hit some winners to be a winner

Australian Open Update: 1/17/19 (Men’s Singles) (click for audio — “Ted Intro”)

Just wasn’t in the cards for Taro…

Australian Open Update:

— It just wasn’t in the cards for Taro against menacing Denis
— Ryan doubles down against ii Daniil
— Jo-Wilfried goes bye bye without as much as a whimper to No. 1 Novak
— Slim sweeper Zverev looks plenty hardy in surviving a grueling 5-setter with Chardy
— Taylor’s game predictably goes on the fritz in yawner of a loss to Fed
— The Berdych strut is in full bloom as the towering Czech dunks on little Diego
— Alex from Australia ousts Gilles from Gaul
— Stefano still standing after knocking off Nikoloz
— Thomas’ train gets derailed by Dimitrov
— Tiafoe appears to be tiring against Mr. Consistency, Seppi.

Australian Open Update: 1/16/19 (Men’s Singles) (click for audio)

When it comes to serving and overheads, Milos has the feel good formula…

Australian Open Men’s Singles Update:

— Another fine Italian job with Fabbiano fabricating a tough five-set win over Opeiker
— Grigor grinds out a gritty win over Cuevas
–Ebden was anything but ebullient after getting ravaged by Nadal
— Laaksonen comes all the way before taking a deadly detour against De Minnaur
— Wawrinka blinks at 5-2 in the decisive set, giving a sometimes sluggish Raonic the opening he needed to squeeze through.
— Ivo carpet bombs Kei with 60 daisy cutters before succumbing in the 5th set super breaker
— Chung hung out to dry when a Hugues Herbert’s serve hugs a millimeter of the service line on match point.

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NBA Update, Recap and Perspectives: Tuesday, 1-15-19 (click post for 3 Stooges audio)

Sweet revenge for Jimmy Butler

NBA Update:

  • Sweet revenge for Butler; T’wolves come a ‘callin and Embiid proceeds with some serious ballin. #Timberwolves #Sixers
  • Heat don’t have the feet, or inches, to compete with long, tall Milwaukee. #Bucks #Heat
  • Hawks shock the Thunder, whose big blunder was thinking they could just show up and win. #Thunder #Hawks
  • Dubs crush the Nuggets, raising the question as to whether they’ve just been playing possum with their 14 losses. #Warriors #Nuggets

Categories: NBA

Australian Open Update: 1/15/19 (Women’s Singles) (and click post to hear Drew in “Office Space” discussing the “Oh” face)

ChabDog’s definitely jumping on the AA bandwagon …

Australian Open Update:

— There’s a significant difference between Carla and Clara, Kuzmova and Kozlova, as well as Pliskova and Blinkova
— Another stuck-in-the-mud performance down under for Stosur
— Simona says “I not ready to get upset”
— Magda gets bagged by Osaka
— Caroline Garcia avoids a nasty case of Hives
— Pavly drop kicks favored Kiki Bertens
— Sloane Stephens beats up Babos
— Time to Wang Chung in the Rod Laver — its a Barty victory party
— Amanda Anisimova displays some positive animosity in sinking Tsurenko

Australian Open Update: 1/15/19 (Men’s Singles) (and click post to hear a real genius)

Benoit “Blond Ambition” Paire

Australian Open Update:

— Attention deficit poster boy Paire can’t overcome a 2-set deficit to Dominic
— No Greek tragedy as Tsitsipas hits all the right passes against Troicki
— After four too-close-for-comfort sets, short Schwartzman decides to stop cuddling with Kudla
— Jo-Wilfried finally finds a way to slow up Martin
— M. Zverev just didn’t have the pop in his groundies to stop Popyrin
— A wounded Ernests has to give it a rest against Wawrinka

— Sakharov found himself dominated right from the starterer against Marterer
— It wasn’t Friday the 13th, so no reason for Djoker to be scared by Krueger
— Loss to Milos will almost certainly make Nick sick
— Nice work by No. 19 Nikoloz
— Andreas sails by Jordan in 3 easy pieces
— Haase says no mas after being totally controlled by Tomas
— Another tennis clinic put on by Cilic
— Tiafoe, tennis’ version of little LeBron, proves to be a giant killer by KO’ing KA.
— Verdict for Verdasco, who leaves little doubt with a rout of Albot.
— For an extended period, unheralded Evans was ever so competitive with Fed.

Australian Open Update: 1/14/19 (Women’s Singles) (and click post to hear Henry Gibson’s last 30 seconds in the Blues Brothers)

Serena could hardly have looked meaner

Aussie Open Update:

— Serena enjoys being the Meanest Machine we’ve seen since The Longest Yard in swatting away Tatjana

— Larsson makes Lapko her lap dog

— Begu disposes of petulant Petkovic

— Rosy outlook for Wozny? Time will tell, but the smart money doesn’t like the smell.

— Kvitova looks pretty fit in unloading her magazine on Magdalena

— If only Parmentier could’ve done a better job covering the perimeter against Potapova

— Peng wishes she was playing table tennes against hard hitting Bouchard

— More Madison Keyes, please

Australian Open Update: 1/14/19 (Men’s Singles) (and click post to hear Tony drop the hammer on Richie)

Unfortunately for Bernard, win and Tomic weren’t served together

Aussie Open Update:

— All burned up after getting mastered by Marin, Bernie lets loose on little lord Lleyton
— Munar landing is a rough one for Jaumie, who is forced to accept a rather unpleasant retirement package from Fognini
— For Ivo, its off to the races with aces against humble Hubert
— A million kisses down under for Millman
— Fans are treated to a rousing showing of the picture Viktor Victorious
— Mirza lacked the basic skills to grasp Henri’s on-court artistry
— Big Mac attack leads to Rublev removal
— 1573 turned into a wonderful garden of Ebden
— Stylish Feliciano released on his own recognizance
— Successful 1st round ride for Italian stallion Seppi
— Mon dieu its another breezy win for Monfils
— No more tennis for Tennys
— Murray trips due to a bum hip
— Minimal exertion for Federer against Istomin
— Taylor stitches together a neat win over Norrie
— Bolt undresses Sock
— Colorful fireworks for American Ryan Harrison
— Goffin gives his opponent a Christian burial
— Zverev not about to be taken in by Aljaz
— Kamil is history again Nishikori
— Query what exactly happened today to sad Sam Querrey?

NFL Update, Recap and Perspectives: Sunday, 1-13-19 (click post to hear Constanza on shrinkage — like the kind we saw today from the dead-in-the-water Bolts)

Cry me a Rivers … Chargers fail to hold up their end in cold New England.

NFL Update:

  • Nothing new in New England as the Belichick’s Patriots cut Lynn’s chagrined Chargers to the quick in a game that was clearly not as close as the score indicated. Brady was connecting at will and running backs Michel and White kept the Bolts’ defense completely off balance and on its heels. As for Rivers, it’s just another largely successful campaign that comes to a cold, bitter end on the forbidden turf of Foxboro. The convincing nature of this win also sends notice to KC that the Chiefs had better roll out their A+ game, not to mention their A+ QB if they hope to represent the AFC in February. #Chargers #Patriots
  • Saints hope they’ve shaken some cobwebs out of their face masks with a somewhat shaky, but gratifying triumph over the defending Super Bowl champs. They did this by systematically controlling time of possession on offense and stymieing Philly’s No. 1 stud, and by going for the big payoff on a gutsy fake punt and on a 4th a goal deep in the red zone. That’s enough this week, but will it cut the mustard against a Rams squad that has more weapons and more talent? It’s something for Coach Payton to ponder for a few more queasy days in the Big Easy. #Saints #Eagles
Categories: NFL

NFL Update, Recap and Perspectives: Saturday, 1-12-19 (click post for some classic Keith Jackson — Whoa Nellie, the Rams are going ot the NFC Finals)

It’s all smiles in LA, as McVay had his Rams ready to play on Saturday.

NFL Update:

  • Rams may have sputtered a bit to end the season, but they started the playoffs focused and out for blood, bulling their way to a convincing 8-pt win over the Cowboys. The tandem of Anderson and Gurley ran over and through what had been touted as a stout Dallas defense, and Goff did the rest with an excellent job running plays and connecting with his receivers. Give the NFC East champions credit for growing as a team throughout the year and perhaps setting the foundation for a more dominant campaign in 2019, but for now, LA is making the headlines and moves on the NFC Championship round with no reason but to be brimming with confidence. #Cowboys #Rams
  • Colts get hit with a haymaker right right from the start in form of not only the amazing right arm of Mahomes, but also some very inspired Chiefs defense. Yes, the Chiefs’ defense. After an impressive run to end the season, Frank Reich needs to take a hard look at a still suspect defense, which was terribly porous down the middle of the field. And Andrew Luck needs some smelling salts, Viagra or something to give his passes more punch and his approach a little more bite. Today’s exhibition was completely uninspiring. #Chiefs #Colts
Categories: NFL

NHL Update, Recap and Perspectives: Friday, 1-11-19 (click post for some classic Puig)

Pens don’t duck challenge at the Pond

NHL Update:

  • Down but not out, talented, powerful Pens don’t duck the challenge at the Pond. #Penguins #Ducks
  • Hurricanes rally for an eye-catching victory of the Sabres in Raleigh. #Sabres #Hurricanes
  • Jets exhaust Detroit by taking the sting out of their Red Wings. #RedWings #Jets
  • Click post to hear some classic Yasiel from yesteryear
Categories: NHL

NBA Update, Recap and Perspectives: Thursday, 1-10-19 (click post for audio)

Clippers get buried in the Mile High City

NBA Update:

  • Clippers get buried in the Mile High City, getting outplayed in every which way. #Clippers #Nuggets
  • Celtics came to South Beach feeling pretty cool, but couldn’t beat the heat; Wading into shark invested waters can do that to you. #Celtics #Heat
  • Aldridge is all powerful in marathon win over Thunder. #Spurs #Thunder
Categories: NBA

NBA Update, Recap and Perspectives: Wednesday, 1-9-19 (click post for audio)

Giannis steps, not baby ones, are propelling the Bucks to the top of the NBA food chain.

NBA Update:

  • Bucks ride a huge 3rd quarter to an important, statement win over the Rockets; inside dominance has given them to an inside track to a pole position in the playoffs. #Bucks #Rockets
  • Poor Iindy was just too winded after having played the night before, and can’t come close to keeping up with the sensational Celtics. #Pacers #Celtics
  • Sub-par game for Spurs, who get subjugated by the previously subdued Grizzlies. #Spurs #Grizzlies
Categories: NBA

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