Because sports should never run your life ... retorts for sports

On the “Concubine Quarantine” CDST Show (Part 2):

On the uproarious “Concubine Quarantine” CDST Show (Part 2):
— Don’t judge a book by its cover, unless someone has hit the head with it first (“They’re selling coffee, bran muffins, you’re surrounded by reading material … it’s entrapment”) (“You just lost a lot of business, because I love to read”) (“I’m not eating anything in the vicinity of that book”) (“Wait a second, this book has been in the bathroom…. it’s been flagged… you get this toilet book outta here and I won’t jump over the counter and punch you in the brain”) (“You defiled one book, steal another and ask for your money back, and you call that even?”)
— And we can never, ever, get enough of Kramer’s “Assman” … unless of course you’re a breast man (“Cozmo Kramer, you are the Assman”) (“Yo Assman… look at the Assman … I never dreamed it could make such a difference … Kramer made a pass at me … he stopped short and made a grab… stopped short, that’s my move”) (“How dare you stop short with my wife … to think I almost split the profits on the manziere with you”)
— Frank checks in to reveal what it’s like keeping vampire hours … let’s face it folks, with no sports on idiot’s box of sadness, this guy’s off
— Not amused to announce that the laundromats are open for business, albeit with amusement park lines
— Tank puts his finger on the Blues Bros cheese whiz clip
— What a coincidence that the Accidental President was so accident prone … but hey give him a break,… he had weak knees from playing o-line at The Big House
— Speaking of the House, ChabDog reminds everyone that Ford did in fact make the leap to the Oval Office from people’s chamber, not the Senate
— Trying to give more love to Sarah Jane Moore (not Miller) in the pantheon of would-be assassins … sorry Sarah … Gerry was cut in the cloth of the indestructible Inspector Clouseau
— Sorry Brady … they don’t pay guys to finish up their career in New England … you need to go to LA for that…
— And who’ll step in to fill the gap at Gillette? Dandy Andy? Joe Sacko? Broken down Cam? A wife swap with Jameis? Pay to play with Peyton? Go full monty with the running game and bring back Timmy T-bone. “Well, what the hell we supposed to do, you moron?”
–Moderately mediocre game managers who won Super Bowls … a surprisingly big secret society
— Broadway Joe was overrated? Fleming flings the sexy stats, despite the guy’s great image in hoes
— Hear Joe Brown get down and dirty with Jack Lemmon
— They call it an “Adam’s” apple for a reason
— Thank god Herman Wouk wasn’t “woke”
— Brian reminds us that no Astros have been affected by the Coronavirus … they saw the signs before anyone else.
— How about putting Congressional insider stock trading on lockdown?
— Who’s Dan Rostenkowskowitz? Chairman of the “Keep the change” Ways and Means Committee. A truly corrupt politician in the grand tradition of the Land of Lincoln, Obama, and.. Daly and Blago
— David Bowie announces a benefit concert for combating Covid 19, where he’ll sing “Little China virus”. If only he’d tell Trump, “Oh baby just you shut your mouth.” The cast from Monty Python will also be there, singing “I like Chinese”
— Laraine Newman’s impression of Regan will really make your head spin (not to mention hers) (“The bed must be on the floor … the bed is on my foot… the bed is on my foot”) (“Your mother eats kitty litter … nobody talks about my momma”)
— And how about our Exorcist clip with lovable Linda, … it’s short and not too sweet
— DeBlasio in wax? That guy wouldn’t even qualify for ear plugs.
— Understanding how Newark sank to its current status as our seminal sanctuary city for murders
— Speaking of killing it, Marc becomes Frank by calling in from his blue, red and silver submarine, and attempts to twist the proverbial knife … but he’s just too far removed to be threatening
— Caruso skirts the question of how he feels now that Brady is a Buc/Pirate, but his misplaced faith in Jared “the stiff” Stidham belies credulity
— Being so grateful to be alive, we issue our final takedown with the Grateful Dead’s “Shakedown Street”

On the “Concubine Quarantine” CDST Show (Part 1):

On the “Concubine Quarantine” CDST Show (Part 1):
— Despite another alarm clock mishap and some very nice dreams that went on a tad too long, ChabDog is somehow ready in time for the special Quarantine show…. for all those with a vested interest in choosing “Option B”
— Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through even a single evening
— How about a return to normalcy … along with Warren G. Harding, we can hardly wait for this turn of events
— Getting philosophical about the economic pros and cons of prohibition vs. regulation
— Taking gay pride in how my 13 year old neutered yorkie-poo forced a bigger, hormonal male pooch onto his dance card.
— Biking seems to be the perfect way to get your distance training in with the requisite social distancing … just watch out for the people trying to sidle up to you on the park benches.
— Someone needs to remind the beach goers in South FLA that this year, Spring Break is officially cancelled.
— Getting our arms around the shocking paper shortage at the local grocers (“Did you get me my cheez whiz, boy?)
— Well-read sheds light on why there’s nothing particularly aristocratic about the “Aristocrats”; yes, I would say most cats have better manners than many of these comedians, but most are unavoidably entertaining.
— Reliving Curt Gowdy’s herculean howl while narrating Kenny Stabler’s incredible completion to Clarence Davis through a Sea of Hands. And then we survey player reactions to the unbelievable impudence of a crazy Black Hole fan, who dared to sucker punch the Fins’ Manny Fernan.
— Exactly who was on the ultra-dominant 1992 Super Bowl champ Skins; apparently it was largely devoid of Hall of Famers.
— Why it makes sense to turn a blind eye to the hysteria … yes, please let me go to my happy place
— The youthful beyond his years Brian Keller cannot remember what he was doing in the 1950s, but comes through by confirming he was in Blackfoot Idaho when JFK was shot.
— What it’s like being a male handling the switchboard at Ma Bell.
— Ford’s predilection for advancement with the Executive Branch, unsupported by actually winning an election

On the “Racing Against the Clock” CDST Show (Part 2):


On the “Racing Against the Clock” edition of CDST (Part 2):
— Now this is definitely the winning score … jazzy background music you have got to experience from the classic 70’s flick, “The Taking of Pelham 1, 2, 3” (“You’re a sick man, Rico”)
— A relatively svelte Chris Farley, as introduced by smart- mouthed Martin Lawrence, take the helm in a juvenile detention center … (“You got it, Homey” “I’m thirty five years old, thrice divorced, and I wish to hell I was living in a van down by the river” “That’s funny, and you’re purdy” “It’s a simple concept, bitches and cigarettes”)
— J.R. drops, but persistent Gerald to the rescue breaks through on skype line
— ChabDog decries his technology curse, but alas Glymph notes return to the conversation to save the day
— Fact — you cannot finish off a honey-do list in 10 minutes
— Steelers would rather pick up almost anything … other than Brady….
— Could be that the “nice” contracts are almost up for Tommie boy
— Andy Dalton’s no Timothy Dalton … is he even a Ryan Tannehill?
— As the conversation turns, we return yet again to the subject of bald Redskin QBs
— Our special guests insist Charlotte’s Cam is no charlatan.
— Time for Tyler Heineke to grab a Heineken and ride the couch.
— That Justin Herbert can really give the rock a heave.
— Super G’s astute reflections on Super Tuesday
— The extent to which Bernie’s drowning without any Southern comfort … just look at what happened in Virginia
— Biden’s mysterious connection with people … he can reach out and touch them, while sniffing
— Joe’s kicking back now that he’s inheriting Warren’s imposing ground game, along with Bloomberg’s bankroll
— Eric suggests a threesome with Bernie, AOC and Ilhan Omar (is that politically expedient? or possible?)
— The ultimate endorsement/campaign slogan by the Fonz … “My bike likes Ike” … maybe he should stump for Trump?
— Speculation on the Democratic VP Nominee … Kamala Harris? Stacey Abrams? Sinema paradiso?
— Why you could have a 269-269 tie? Why Donald would be fit to tied, unless Republicans control the newly-elected House.
— Trial by fire does not equal a trial without witnesses … let alone the first hand ones
— Deconstructing what an obstruction of justice really is
— Our mutual admiration society concludes another spirited meeting with a smokin tune from Aerosmith … Mama Kin….

On the “Racing Against the Clock” CDST Show (Part 1):

On the “Racing Against the Clock” CDST Show (Part 1):
— Looks like most spectators thumbed their nose at Daylight Savings Time by sleeping in, and missing the running of the LA Marathon (it’s not smart to play games with Father Time)
— Big surprise that the Men’s race was not, in fact won by Kenyan, … and ChabDog was right! The winner hails from Ethiopia.
— Tank refuses to admit any affiliation with fire hydrant man Dawejko, notwithstanding the same red letters on the back of his shorts
— Our pick for a big flop during March Madness … take-a-seat Seton Hall (after squandering a 4-game lead, they’re now 3rd in the Big East and backpedaling wildly into the conf tournament)
— Aztecs hit a nasty snag against the Aggies
— Dayton could well have a date with destiny
— Those poor Tar Heels continue to get the tar kicked outta them
— NJIT has less to do with basketball and more to do with ITT; they built a good gym, … now they need to figure out how to play in it
— There’s actually a more pitiable and unwanted post-season competition than the Not Invited Tournament … the dreaded CIT
— Get a load on our busy signal (it’s heavy duty)
— Dem party brass is tired of biding their time with Bernie; it’s time for Biden
— We just notice that they’re growing some physical specimens at College Park, including that big guy with glasses, who looks like a cross of Dwight Howard and Erkel
— This is yet another year that seems tailor made for Gonzaga
— A striking dichotomy in the two-tiered Ivy
— Columbia Lou … now this was no laughable Lion
— And in the Division 3 Tournament Sweet 16, it’s the Yeshiva Buchers and the Randolph Macon Baconaters [pretty funny hearing Frank the Goyboy try and pronounce “Macabees”] — USC may have burst the hopes of the bubble bouncing Bruins
— And why was there a particularly intense Corona virus scare in Baltimore?
— The entire Northern half of Italy has been shut down, except for the graffiti artists in Milan, who will continue to work on available building space
— Good thing the 80’s are over, and we can switch away from switches.
— Well-read pops an Adrian Barbeauner….
— Who said, “She yo problem”
— We get spited by Skype, and as a result of some curious technical difficulties, start playing musical callers
— Jumping into the Sports Rock truncated college b-ball pool
— Happy to go too far with Defy Life’s J.R., in terms of a number of provocative topics, including … 1) why big is better in the NBA, 2) Bill Russell’s accomplished career as a product pitchman, 3) rekindling the reasons for Rick Barry’s removal (no smiles after that unfortunate comment involving watermelon); 4) why Marv’s hotel room role playing was only a temporary hanging offense?, and why would this be taboo according to Me Too; 5) why one-and-done Duke isn’t having much fun, and the Cavs are having a ball; and 6) it’s still completely unnatural that the Terps are not populating the ACC


NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives, Friday, 3-6-20:

NCAAM Update:

  • Wisconsin navigates its way around Indiana by a whisker, probably leaving the loser Hoosiers (9-11 in the conference) on the outside looking in. #Hoosiers #Badgers
  • Seminoles looked pretty sassy in Tallahasse with Balsa balling and Dominik dominating. #Seminoles #Eagles
    Get a recap of the Boston College Eagles vs. Florida State Seminoles basketball game.
  • Dayton beats the living daylights outta the Colonials. #Colonials #Flyers
  • Jayhawks j-walk in a cakewalk to yet another mind-numbingly habitual Big 12 titles. #Jayhawks #RedRaiders
  • It definitely wasn’t in the cards this afternoon for the Cardinals, and does not speak volumes for the ACC that a team of this caliber went 15-5. Louisville may well be an early round loser come tourney time. #Cardinals #Cavaliers
  • We haven’t even hit prime time, and Baylor’s already starting to bail. #Bears #Mountaineers

NBA Update, Recap and Perspectives (Friday, March 6, 2020):

NBA Update:

  • Celtics made to look ridiculous at home — much like that movie producer in the Godfather — after Mike’s excellent con job. #Jazz #Celtics
  • Don’t tell Dallas that white men can’t jump; Porzingis is pouring it on with a river of buckets, and Doncic’s playing the role as sidekick toxic avenger. #Grizzlies #Mavericks
  • A very mature, but suitably explosive, LeBron lays a major haymaker, not to mention a plethora of body, on Giannis the Adonis and his Buck buddies. Milwaukee’s soft perimeter welcomed James into the paint all game, and Anthony Davis picked up whatever slack there was in the Laker offense with maximum efficiency. The best team in the league looked vulnerable, and they had better find some help for their superstar on offense (another Middleton meltdown in a big game … 5 for 19 just doesn’t cut the mustard). #Lakers #Bucks
  • So much for the Blazer revival show, after they get trashed by lumberjack Baynes and a surprisingly dangerous Dario. #Trailblazers #Suns
Categories: NBA

NBA Update, Recap and Perspectives (Thursday, March 5, 2020):

NBA Update:

  • Stormin Norman leads the Raptors roaring back in a decisive 4th quarter, as Toronto picks up where it left off last June by rubbing out the Dubs; Curry’s back, but less protected than ever. #Raptors #Warriors
  • Clippers dominate inside and out against a vertically challenged Houston team that couldn’t consistently hit the broad side of a barn. Extreme small ball has some serious limitation against teams like LAC with a legitimate interior presence. #Clippers #Rockets
  • Another gem from Jamaal, as the under-appreciated Nuggets slip by the heroic Hornets. Denver continue to win the games it should win, but there’s no indication they can get it done in the playoffs against the conference heavy hitters. #Nuggets #Hornets
Categories: NBA

On the “Not Far From the Madding Crowd” CDST Show (Part 1):

On the “Not Far From The Madding Crowd” CDST Show (Part 1):

— Best of Beach is again within Chabner Law’s reach! This time for 2020! Thank you to all who voted for us!
— Mich. St. has the ides of March on its side with the strong play of Cassius; Tom “Ratso” Rizzo has his guys primed and ready to roll.
— No surprise Beiline made a beeline out of the NBA; what was a Michigan guy doing coaching in Ohio, anyway. Bound for the Bruins?
— Our Kansas mush downplays the Jayhawks for their own good.
— Can the troubled Tar Heels find their wheels in the ACC tourney?
— Speculating about this year’s bracket busters …
— Nova getting unseated by Seton Hall atop the Big East.
— Some choice clips from ChabDog Sports Talk’s recent S. Car Dem debate podcast, with background soundbites and commentary by our panel.
— ChabDog’s happy that Biden negotiated that complex defense of his gun control record, but his reference to 150 million dead was a whopper that was clearly DOA.
— Steyer Steyer, time for you to retire … your pants are on fire, but your commentary is just tiring.
— Thin Lizzy makes Frank pull his moustache out in protest, while Bernie continues to dole out free goodies with renewed zeal.
— Why Newark=Gotham City, with plenty of factory clouds that appear to be angry, aroused wolves.
— Going over the electoral vote runoff scenario … sorry Frank, the impasse is broken in the House, not the Senate.
— Maybe Mitt should run as Bloomberg’s VP … if he really feels Trump is not qualified to continue to serve
— They are probably not taking communion in China
— A very spicy performance from press secretary Sean Spicer-girl (“I’m not here to be your buddy; I’m here to swallow gum and take names” …”The crowd greeted him with a standing ovation… the men all had erections, and the women were ovulating left and right” “Wait a minute that’s my email password/hey, stop writing that down” “At 4 PM we’re watching “Finding Dory, and then at 6, we’re abolishing the National Park Service” “You just said that; it’s your words”
— Maybe Frank needs to impersonate Melissa Mccarthy (“read it, go home and report it, and shove it up your ass”)
— There’s nothing impromptu about Pravda.
— Going back to April 1986 the minor interruption of service experienced at Chernobil “Do not panic, all is well”. Combined with the Red Sox meltdown against the Miracle Mets, that was a pretty tough year for yours truly.
— A critique of political cronyism and a rouge bus driver in the tri-state area, who reportedly attempted to abscond to Trinidad.
— Looking into how Mike secured that 3rd term as major of Metropolis
— Delving into the Giant feud between Giannis and The Beard; boy did that pass to the head really sting.
— Why banking on Houston to win the NBA title is indeed risky business. And we handicap the rest of the field, including the wreckage that is the Leastern Conference.
— Another half hearted year for Kyree
— We could very well see a freeway series in LA for the West.
— Who exactly comprises the Laker supporting cast for the benefit of LBJ and AD.

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives (Saturday, February 29, 2020):

NCAAM Update:

  • Hey, hey, hey, it’s time to remember who the defending champs are … it’s UVA. Never underestimate the heart of a champion….#BlueDevils #Cavaliers
  • And when all is said and done, Kentucky sits on its old, habitual throne, wearing that familiar SEC crown. #Tigers #Wilcats
  • Syracuse suffers a major Orange whip in its Carrier Dome home against unappreciated UNC; this loss may well doom their ability to move off the bubble. As for the Tar Heels, perhaps they found some here to build on for purposes of a miracle conf tournament run. #TarHeels #Orange
  • It’s just a smidge early, but still bears repeating … beware of the ides of March … Cassius and MSU lay down the law at College Park and send a message about what the green killing machine can do in the next few maddening weeks. #Spartans #Terrapins
  • Turns out the bane of Baylor’s existence isn’t KU, it’s TCU’s Desmond Bane. #Bears #HornedFrogs
  • Clemson claws its way to an thrilling buzzer beating win over fearsome FSU; this won’t get them an invite to the Big Dance, but it does give them some hope going into the Conference tourney. #Seminoles #Tigers

NBA Update, Recap and Perspectives (Friday, February 28, 2020):

NBA Update:

  • … and the feud continues … Harden couldn’t pass up the opportunity to fan the flames by questioning the Greek Freak’s skill set. This is definitely getting saucy. #Bucks #Rockets
  • Let’s be clear … Houston’s Boss Ball Hog does know how to pass the ball … Giannis stands corrected…
  • All of this because someone didn’t picked first for the kickball team at recess….
  • Clippers digest the Nuggets with ease, in what may be their most definitive, and important, win of the season. Denver just can’t compete with this much heavy artillery. #Nuggets #Clippers
  • Milwaukee’s royal highness, Giannis, savagely steps on what was by all accounts a formidable adversary in OKC; those footprints are gaining traction. #Bucks #Thunder
  • Bad loss for the Raptors at home against the horrible Hornets; they find out that Terry Rozier is definitely still to be feared. #Hornets #Raptors
    Get a recap of the Charlotte Hornets vs. Toronto Raptors basketball game.
Categories: NBA

NCAAM Update, Recap and Perspectives, Tuesday, 2-15-20:

NCAAM Update:

  • Auburn pokes more than a few holes in the defense of Ole Miss; the talented Tigers look like a 2 or 3 seed, absent a quick exit in the conference tournament. #Rebels #Tigers
  • Childress and his Demonic Deacons undress and expose the apparent myth of Duke invincibility. Yes, the Devils are still a lofty 23-5, but they’re showing weakness to relatively innocuous competition, and this does not bode well in March. #BlueDevils #DemonDeacons

NBA Update, Recap and Perspectives (Tuesday, February 25, 2020):

NBA Update:

  • LBJ leads the way as Lakers shoot down the Pels, but let’s keep our eyes on an exciting young Zion, who had more than a few flashes of brilliance. #Pelicans #Lakers
  • Nuggets use their fertile well of offensive ingenuity to put down the pitiable Pistons. #Pistons #Nuggets
  • The Jayson / Jaylen show was on full display, and with Lillard on the sidelines there wasn’t much CJ could do about it. #Celtics #TrailBlazers
  • Best in show Bucks make their closest eastern pursuer look like wandering mongrels in an overpowering 3rd quarter. #Bucks #Raptors
Categories: NBA

Law Office of Brandon S. Chabner

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