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LAW OFFICE OF
BRANDON S. CHABNER
News Feed
- After an unfortunate trip to the M&T doctor’s office, it’s clear what the Steelers need … A TOMLIN-ECTOMY!
- If Harbaugh wasn’t seen limping out of Houston sans a broken clipboard, he should have been. Maybe it’s about time we say the Anger Mis-management side of jovial Jim.
- Jayden Daniels was simply relentless, and the Commanders just had too much staying power for the physically and emotionally exhausted Bucs. In another almost unbelievable twist of fate, this game took a couple of fateful turns for the worse for the home team when stone-hands Mayfield mishandled a couple of routine snaps. With that, the wildly erratic season for Tampa finally… abated.
- Eagles manufacture a thorough, if not brutally blunt, undressing of the Packers in cold Philly. Yeah, this result was no doubt painful due to the weather, but it was time through cold water on a season that really seemed to go fatally south a few weeks earlier in Minnesota.
- Major home improvement this week for the Bills, as Josh Allen takes the Broncos very figuratively by the horns and pins them to the turf, without mercy. Ravens beware….
In a few hours, it’s gonna be the start of Wild Card Weekend, and things’ll be getting hot and heavy in the NFL Playoffs. Who’s about to become extinct and who’s putting their feet down with maximum authority…. we’ll banter the subject, and plenty more, on the “The Other Cleat Just Spiked Your Meat” CDST Show. Is Mike Tomlin about to take that Steeler 4-wheeler carreening down Lookout Mountain for another sadistic spill? Can Sam Darnold get the hawk tuah girl off his mind, long enough for the Vikings to stage a real fun desert funeral for the sacrificial Rams. We ponder this and other questions that have been left curiously unanswered for far too long…. like how our own Abe Miranda conquered Barb-fire in the spread pool, and why Karen “Big Mouth” Bass had so little to say at her recent press conference. And time permitting, there’s the college football BS (sorry BCS) finale to consider; ChabDog hasn’t checked, but perhaps making Notre Dame a 5 point dog (is that right?) is just what the joint doctor ordered in South Bend.
Thanks to a thrilling turn of events in the 2nd half, we’ll be hearing more from the Notre Dame Victory March in January! Terrific win for the never-say-die Fighting Irish, who kept on fighting and out-slugged a very game squad from Penn St. Ara is certaining looking down from Heaven and smiling as the Freeman era has officially begun.
HE’S LARGER THAN LIFE. HE’S THE KARMAC OF THE LAUGH TRACK.
HE’S HONESTLY OUT THERE FOR YOU, FINDING THE WEAK LINK IN EVERY SPREAD.
HE’S THE CHABDOG SPORTS TALK NFL SPREAD SETTING CHAMPION FOR 2024,
COMING IN AT AROUND 60%+ AND ABLE LEAP FROG THE MIGHTY DOROTHY D
IN A SINGLE BOUND.
HE’S POUND FOR POUND THE SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT OF ALL LINE LAYERS.
HE’S ABE PAGODA MIRANDA, AND HE’S OUR NO. 1 FOR THE 2ND TIME IN FOUR YEARS.
One of these two (or maybe both) won the 2024 CDST Spread-besting competition. You both beat the stuffing outta me, so I am not worthy, …. can only seek to follow humbly in your footsteps…. stay tuned for our corporate secretary Well-read’s breakdown of how it ultimately played out. All I know if I achieved my objective of beating last year’s performance in terms of the numbies and staying outta the dreaded whine cellar.
ChabDog’s Takeaways from Week 18:
— Bryce Young is getting older, and that could be a scary development next year based on what we saw today.
— Steelers still have no clue about how to unglue their stuck-in-the-mud offense; Arthur Treacher Smith needs a teacher.
— What goes around, comes around Green Bay, … you played with fire today against Chicago, got burned, and now and you’re in no shape right now to take down filthy good Philadelphia.
— Rocky Mountain redemption today for Denver today against KC’s 3rd stringers (exactly who were those slim jims on the Chiefs’ d-line?); enjoy it now, because you are gonna get your doors blown off in blustery Buffalo.
— Speaking of The Doors, the Chargers are plugged in and playing power surge football like few others (my bad for douting they could cover today against the frayed Raiders); throw a radio in the Houston whirlpool, because the Texans are in for a big beat down at home next Saturday. Harbaugh’s soft driven and slow mad like some new language!
— Watching Baker shake ‘n bake and scramble for those hearty, heartfelt first downs was beautiful. This team has been through the MASH ward and has come out the other side… stronger. Gotta say the Commanders SHOULD NOT be favored when they make their foray into Tampa Bay.
— Samsonite travels well, but sorry Minnesota but the same can’t be said for Sam, who’ll be a sacrificial norseman come gametime against the Rams.
— Kudos to the Bungles for a good try, but you can never fully repent in Cin City for starting out 4-8. Where’s the beef? It’s not with Joe Cool and his cadre of nifty, shifty flankers; no it’s with the flimsy foundation you guys sport in the trenches.
Hey everyone and welcome to NFL Week 18 where I try to beat the spread every week, make a little money, or brag to my work besties that I simply pick winners cause our state doesn’t allow sports betting yet (fuck you California). At the moment, I’m leading everyone at ChabDog Sports Talk & hope to claim victory for my second time with Chabdog. However, this time I’m neck and neck with Dorothy Dawn who’s always leading the pack here since she, her friends, her fiance, and her bookie are all fanatical sports fans who eat, live, breathe, and shit sports all day. I want to go to one of her parties with all her sports friends and know that I’ve beaten my co-host at least once which means that I should be able to keep up with everyone else at the party if they come at me with anything sports related…lol. Regardless of who wins, I at least know I have a 58% + ability to pick winning football games against the spread, which in itself is an accomplishment. So take a look below…let me know in the comments section if I fucked this up or on any of my social media handles….let’s fucking gooooooooo.
@chabdogsports Only one week left! https://t.co/VSwI1vfXgB
— Well Read Producer ChabDog.com (@NewportBest_) December 31, 2024
𝚆𝚎𝚎𝚔 𝟷𝟾 #NFL – – – – – – – – – – – – 𝚁𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚜 -𝟷𝟽.𝟻 𝙱𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚊𝚕𝚜 -𝟸.𝟻 https://t.co/IwUxhK8vyB pic.twitter.com/GAnbLL2619
— Abe Miranda (@gawdbrudder) January 4, 2025
| | @gawdbrudder
Here we are at Week 18 and there is no more time for me to improve my dreadful picks record for this season. Mathematically, it is still possible to get back to .500, but that will require an incredible heater, and heaters are difficult when a lot of teams aren’t trying to win this week. Not only that, but the motivations for these teams are fluid and the NFL is too stupid to play all these games at the same time like a proper league would. For example, the five seed in the AFC is valuable because that team gets to travel to feeble Houston in the Wild Card Round instead of Baltimore or Buffalo. If Pittsburgh wins on Saturday, it takes the Chargers out of the running for that spot and they could lay down for the suddenly surging Raiders.
I’ll be taking the Steelers since they are home underdogs (even though that didn’t work last week) and the Chargers with the hope that they are motivated to stomp Las Vegas. The Ravens are now favored by an unheard of 20 points vs. Cleveland because they are playing for the AFC North title, so I’ll get out of their way and lay those points. Washington has clinched a Playoff spot, but there is plenty of reason to win at Dallas because a loss might force the Commies play at Philadelphia in the Wild Card Round instead of at Los Angeles against a Rams offense that has been held under 20 points in three straight games. That same motivation is in play for the Packers, who need a win and a Washington loss to avoid Philly. Speaking the Eagles, they have chosen against embarrassing the Giants by having Saquon Barkley rest instead of shattering the single-season rushing record against them. That gives me hope that Big Blue can end the season with a second straight win. Hopefully there will still be someone talented to select when our first round draft pick finally comes around.
Buffalo is also laying points while resting starters, but I trust Mitch Trubisky enough to give it the nod against New England. Denver is a massive favorite over Kansas City in a must-win game for the Broncos. I think they get the job done, but Carson Wentz playing spoiler would be hilarious, so give me the points in that one. In the great Sunday Night Football game, I like the Lions despite their defensive issues. They might be scarier on offense with Jahmyr Gibbs taking on a heavier workload due to David Montgomery’s injury.
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Brandon’s Posts
Notre Dame squeezes the life outta Penn St. in a peach of an Orange Bowl…
Thanks to a thrilling turn of events in the 2nd half, we’ll be hearing more from the Notre Dame Victory March in January! Terrific win for the never-say-die Fighting Irish, who kept on fighting and out-slugged a very game squad from Penn St. Ara is certaining looking down from Heaven and smiling as the Freeman era has officially begun.
Congrats are definitely in order….
HE’S LARGER THAN LIFE. HE’S THE KARMAC OF THE LAUGH TRACK.
HE’S HONESTLY OUT THERE FOR YOU, FINDING THE WEAK LINK IN EVERY SPREAD.
HE’S THE CHABDOG SPORTS TALK NFL SPREAD SETTING CHAMPION FOR 2024,
COMING IN AT AROUND 60%+ AND ABLE LEAP FROG THE MIGHTY DOROTHY D
IN A SINGLE BOUND.
HE’S POUND FOR POUND THE SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT OF ALL LINE LAYERS.
HE’S ABE PAGODA MIRANDA, AND HE’S OUR NO. 1 FOR THE 2ND TIME IN FOUR YEARS.
Well Read’s Posts
Abe’s Posts
Week 16: Abe’s Scrumdidilyumptious NFL Picks (ATS)
Hey everyone and welcome to NFL Week 16 where I try to beat the spread every week, make a little money, or brag to our work besties that we simply pick winners cause our state doesn’t allow sports betting yet (fuck you California). So take a look below…let me know in the comments section if I fucked this up or on any of my social media handles (note my Week 15 picks were 87.5% on the money). Let’s fucking gooooooooo.
| | @gawdbrudder
Week 14: Abe’s Scrumdidilyumptious NFL Picks (ATS)
Hey everyone and welcome to NFL Week 14 where we try to beat the spread, make a little money, or brag to our besties that we simply just pick winners cause our state doesn’t allow sports betting (fuck you California). Today I find myself on a flight to Newark, NJ from LA to visit some family on the East Coast and celebrate my dad’s 70th birthday while we pig out on some hotdogs and pizza on an all-guys extended weekend. A far departure from the Caribbean cruise I was on during Week 13 where the weather was a nice 80 something degrees and the drinks were cold and coming. Had a little time on today’s flight to put together my picks since I have no clue where I will be on Saturday and want to make sure we’re all covered here. So take a look…let me know in the comments section if I fucked this up here or on any of my social media handles. Let’s fucking gooooooooo.
| | @gawdbrudder
Dorothy’s Posts
Aaron’s Posts
Aaron’s Week 13 NFL Picks
Yay! It’s Thanksgiving! I don’t have a lot of time to dive into the picks, but I am picking against the Giants because I cannot stand them anymore. They are becoming as big of a circus as the Jets. Maybe Drew Lock can make the game respectable, but I’m not so sure. He led a game-winning drive for Seattle against the Eagles last year, but he must be really bad in practice to make Brian Daboll want to play Tommy DeVito.
The Lions are turning into an automatic play until they prove otherwise. The Raiders missed the backdoor cover by half a freaking yard last Sunday, so I am backing them again because the Chiefs cannot cover against a paper bag. On Sunday, I really like the Buffalo pick because there is snow in the forecast and the 49ers are in a tailspin even if they get Brock Purdy back. In the final game of the week, backing Jameis Winston in another prime time underdog spot feels mandatory.
Aaron’s Week 12 NFL Picks
I feel lost. Another subpar performance in Week 11 has me questioning all my gambling instincts. Should I stick with my guns, or just fade myself? At 11 games under .500 for the season, I am going to trust myself and keep hacking away at this deficit!
The Steelers were an easy call as a home underdog last week. As a road favorite? Not so much. Give me Famous Jameis and the Browns.
Caleb Williams and the Bears couldn’t take advantage of the dead cat bounce that they got from firing an offensive coordinator. They played well but failed against Green Bay, and now they will be smothered by Minnesota’s defense.
They can’t make a spread high enough for Detroit. It would be great for my fantasy team if Jonathan Taylor could control the clock and keep the Colts in the game, but Indianapolis’ run game has been mediocre lately.
The Pats have been a rare bright spot against the spread for me since they got blown out by Jacksonville. New England barely failed to cover against the Rams, but I am sticking with Drake Maye and company with a touchdown and the hook in Miami.
Giants only getting three and a half with Tommy DeVito under center? This pick is as sharp as they come.
Aaron’s Week 11 NFL Picks
Week 11 was looking not so terrible for me, but then I was burned by Detroit and the Rams in prime time. The Lions did not show up for the first half and I still only lost on the hook, while the Rams were unable to ram the ball into the end zone against Miami’s defense. My overall mark is now 72-79-1. That is not good, but it is still close enough to .500 that I can talk myself into getting there by chipping away for the rest of the season.
I actually hate the Washington pick, but I need Jayden Daniels to cook in order to save my fantasy season instead of handing the ball off near the goal line like he did in the loss at Pittsburgh. The Eagles are rolling and could give the Commanders a harsh dose of reality, but I’m usually wrong, so I might as well go with my heart here.
It’s impossible to pick Chicago until Caleb Williams shows improvement. Will a new offensive coordinator do the trick? Probably not, but even if it does, Green Bay can score a lot of points.
Speaking of scoring, the Lions figure to smoke Jacksonville and backup quarterback Mac Jones as long as Jared Goff refrains from throwing five interceptions. The Vikings barely got out of Jacksonville with a win last week, so I’ll grab Tennessee and the points. Sam Darnold has thrown five picks in his last two games.
Aaron’s Week 10 NFL Picks
Giants are favored?! Send it! Caleb Williams stinks again, Buffalo and Kansas City are wagons, Saints are beyond terrible, 49ers are back, Steelers will slow down Cinderella Commies, Jaguars keep it close against Minnesota, Bolts destroy Titans, Eagles will screw me again by allowing dumb backdoor cover, Cardinals keep getting disrespected, Lions are a juggernaut, RAM IT.
Gerrit Cole Fails to Cover First Base on a Play that Changed History
As much fun as it would have been to watch the Yankees fans who took the ball away from Mookie Betts become more and more famous, I have to say that I am happy about the New York Yankees being eliminated last night. With Steve Cohen at the helm, the Mets have a chance to battle for New York baseball supremacy, and that battle would be going downhill if it started with a Yankees World Series championship. Now we’ll see if Cohen will bid against the Yankees for one of their superstars. He was absent when it was Aaron Judge in free agency, but now is another great opportunity to get Juan Soto to Queens with the Mets coming off a successful season and searching for sustainability. No matter what the optimistic Mets fans tell you, there’s no guarantee that the future is bright or that the Mets return to the Postseason in 2025. Too much has to go right, especially with the makeshift pitching rotation. Bringing in Soto to pair with Lindor at the top of the order would solidify the Mets’ foundation, at least on offense.
Soto has only raised his free agency stock with a dominant October. He hit .327/.469/.633 after coming off an incredible regular season in which he set a career high in home runs and WAR. On Wednesday night, he walked three times to set the table for Aaron Judge, who finally came through with a home run in the first inning and made it look like the Yankees were on their way back to Los Angeles. Heading into the fifth inning, Gerrit Cole was rolling, Judge was back, and Yankees fans were thinking that a shocking comeback was close to reality.
Oh wow…
Another mistake from the Yankees defense as nobody covers 1st and the Dodgers are on the board! pic.twitter.com/BACmr6IKkM
— FOX Sports: MLB (@MLBONFOX) October 31, 2024
Then the Yankees got sloppy with Judge inexplicably dropping a soft liner hit right to him and Anthony Volpe bouncing a throw to third base on a ball hit to his right. The back-to-back (and belly-to-belly) errors loaded the bases for Los Angeles, but Cole appeared to right the ship with strikeouts of Gavin Lux and Shohei Ohtani. Yankee Stadium was ready to erupt when Mookie Betts followed with a routine ground ball to first base, but Cole for no reason at all refused to cover the base, allowing Betts to reach on a “single” by beating Anthony Rizzo in a foot race.