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Famous Jameis was having such a swell time out there, he forgot what his mama told him when he left home to be a pro QB …. never look a gift-horse … in this case a Bronco db … in the mouth … or bad things can happen. Particularly on the short ones, he was play acting the million dollar a year telegraph operator, and that’s a job opening with a pretty short half-life. Browns give themselves wonderful nightmares, a week before they face the music against the Steelers, while Denver can relax for a 2-week coffee break.
Yo Antonio… ever heard of calling a time out … so your disorganized rabble can get organizized? When you come into Arrowhead, you need your @#$@# wired tight. Not usually the case with a notably novice QB…. What was looking like a perfectly orchestrated Silver and Black Friday turns dark and ugly for the Vegas vagabonds, who blow themselves up at the 11th hour with an unforgivable hiccup hike fumble. More smoke and mirrors for the Thiefs~ Ughhhhh
There so much to say about this photo and so little time. I love the comment from Deshaun about ankle massages, and who’s that guy with Jordy at the kids’ table…. and who’s the white guy asking for more dark meat… and why is Patrick Mahomes dressed in Britney’s outfit….and I didn’t know Justin Herbert was so funny…and where was Daniel Jones traded to?
– For the first course — it’s Bear-meat jerky … really leaves a bad taste in your mouth when served Chicago style
I guess if you’re the Bears, TIME REALLY FLIES WHEN YOU’RE NOT HAVING FUN. Melodrama’s so much fun, in black and white for everyone to see. Coach E’s time management flaws make Coach Tomlin look like a flippin genius. Nero may have watched Rome burn, but at least he didn’t watch a timeout burn a hole in his pocket, like this.
— For dinner — a delicious Dallas Turducken
Jr. jockstrap G-men leave Big D once again quite embarrassed, as Overshown shows them up by PICing the Locke.
— For dessert — It’s Tua Creampuffs sandwiched around the sheen of sherbert colored Aqua Marine.
Same old story … it gets a little uncomfy and the Miami pound machine goes into auto-snooze mode… here with a juicy second down at the environs of the Green Bay 1 … McDaniels chooses to go cute, rather than trying to Ram it home on the ground, and disaster ensues. This team just isn’t tough enough to win against the foot-brawlers like the powers of the NFC Norris, among others.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! I am currently writing this from a cruise ship currently approaching Dominica in the West Indies. An amazing way to spend Thanksgiving away from the stress of absolutely everything. I’m sure my entire family hates me right now for being here and not them. I have a port excursion today to do a million awesome things but we do have good great TV here on the ship and hope to catch a few games. With that…LFG.
TURKEY DAY
LIONS -10.5 – Sounds like a huge spread until the Lions beat the Bears by at least 2 touchdowns.
COWBOYS -3.5 – Honestly both teams should lose here.
PACKERS -3.5 – Nothing screams Greenbay like 25 degrees and some cheese! I’m from LA…so fuck that!
FRIDAY
CHIEFS -13.5 – The Raiders are simply fucked. Does anyone even know who their QB is for this game since Gardner Minshew is out for the rest of the season???? Yes, it’s Aidan O’Connell who is coming back from a broken thumb! GO HIDE IN A CASINO VEGAS CAUSE IT IS GOING TO BE A CATASTROPHE!
SUNDAY
CHARGERS -1.5
STEELERS +2.5
VIKINGS -3.5
PATRIOTS +2.5
SEAHAWKS -1.5
COMMANDERS -5.5
TEXANS -5.5
RAMS -2.5
BUCCANEERS -6.5
EAGLES +2.5
BILLS -6.5
MONDAY
BROWNS +5.5
| | @gawdbrudder
Yay! It’s Thanksgiving! I don’t have a lot of time to dive into the picks, but I am picking against the Giants because I cannot stand them anymore. They are becoming as big of a circus as the Jets. Maybe Drew Lock can make the game respectable, but I’m not so sure. He led a game-winning drive for Seattle against the Eagles last year, but he must be really bad in practice to make Brian Daboll want to play Tommy DeVito.
The Lions are turning into an automatic play until they prove otherwise. The Raiders missed the backdoor cover by half a freaking yard last Sunday, so I am backing them again because the Chiefs cannot cover against a paper bag. On Sunday, I really like the Buffalo pick because there is snow in the forecast and the 49ers are in a tailspin even if they get Brock Purdy back. In the final game of the week, backing Jameis Winston in another prime time underdog spot feels mandatory.
Ravens wear down the Chargers with a second half push, including some impressive fourth down fist pumping; going for it from inside his own 20 was one of the best decisions big brother ever made, and little bro should definitely go to school on that… once he has the running backs to make it happen. If the Ravens play mistake free football, with a minimum of penalties and zero turnovers, they can beat the vast number of teams in this league, anytime and anywhere.
What we learned today —
— Bears can do amazing things when properly motivated, and they are always interested in ripping my heart out with a few last second garbage scores or defensive meltdowns
— The Commanders aren’t ready to command my attention for anything.
— The Eagles have the enough firepower to beat anyone… including the Lions
— Giants are just what the doctor ordered… for nearly everyone.
— The Chiefs continue their ripoff tour…. another cheesy road win in Scarolina… and I got sucked into thinking they’d cover, once more
— Thank you god for not letting the Raiders put that last, utterly meaningless TD on the board and getting rid of the Ridder threat
— I promise never to pick the Patriots again for … anything
— I told you CJ Stroud ain’t all that, but I forgot to listen to myself
— The Niners are done, even if nobody wants to admit it.
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On Thanksgiving Week MNF, the Ravens were vultures, not turkeys….
Ravens wear down the Chargers with a second half push, including some impressive fourth down fist pumping; going for it from inside his own 20 was one of the best decisions big brother ever made, and little bro should definitely go to school on that… once he has the running backs to make it happen. If the Ravens play mistake free football, with a minimum of penalties and zero turnovers, they can beat the vast number of teams in this league, anytime and anywhere.
Diary of a Mad Man — What we learned from Week 11:
What we learned today —
— Bears can do amazing things when properly motivated, and they are always interested in ripping my heart out with a few last second garbage scores or defensive meltdowns
— The Commanders aren’t ready to command my attention for anything.
— The Eagles have the enough firepower to beat anyone… including the Lions
— Giants are just what the doctor ordered… for nearly everyone.
— The Chiefs continue their ripoff tour…. another cheesy road win in Scarolina… and I got sucked into thinking they’d cover, once more
— Thank you god for not letting the Raiders put that last, utterly meaningless TD on the board and getting rid of the Ridder threat
— I promise never to pick the Patriots again for … anything
— I told you CJ Stroud ain’t all that, but I forgot to listen to myself
— The Niners are done, even if nobody wants to admit it.
Well Read’s Posts
Abe’s Posts
Week 9: Abe’s Scrumdidilyumptious NFL Picks (ATS)
HALFWAY THROUGH THE SEASON…LFGOOOOO NFL WEEK 9! As always, have to celly double-digit Ws last week going 10/16 (63%) which is always great when the goal is to have a SZN record greater than .500! Before considering my Week 9 Scrumdidilyumptious ATS Picks, here is my season resume for your review.
Resume:
WEEK 1: 10/16 (62.5%) WEEK 2: 8/15 + 1 Push (53.3%) WEEK 3: 8/16 (50%) WEEK 4: 9/16 (56%) WEEK 5: 7/14 (50%) WEEK 6: 10/14 (71%) WEEK 7: 9/15 (60%) WEEK 8: 10/16 (63%) SEASON RECORD (ATS): 71/122 + 1 Push (58%)
OK, now that we’re all caught up and you’re still willing to read my scummy bag picks, lets fucking go NFL Week 9 (thank you for acknowledging you still have a better shot with my picks below than LITERALLY flipping a quarter)!
THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL:
I looked at the spread & decided to take “the chalk” (Texans -.5). CLEARLY this was a bad pick because WTF Texans! To be fair, I don’t think anyone realistically had the Jets beating the Texans by more than a touchdown on their BINGO card, but here we are.
| | @gawdbrudder
Week 8: Abe’s Scrumdidilyumptious NFL Picks (ATS)
Welcome back everyone to NFL WEEK 8! I would love to celebrate 11 picks right last week (Week 7) if it wasn’t me losing two by half a point. Like Vegas, we’ll have to settle with cashing in only 9/15 (60%) of my bets. Before you consider my Week 8 Scrumdidilyumptious ATS Picks here is my season resume for your review.
Resume:
WEEK 1: 10/16 (62.5%) WEEK 2: 8/15 + 1 Push (53.3%) WEEK 3: 8/16 (50%) WEEK 4: 9/16 (56%) WEEK 5: 7/14 (50%) WEEK 6: 10/14 (71%) WEEK 7: 9/15 (60%) SEASON RECORD (ATS): 61/106 + 1 Push (58%)
OK, now that we’re all caught up and you’re still willing to read my scumbag picks, lets fucking go NFL Week 8 (thank you for knowing that you still have a better shot with my picks below than LITERALLY flipping a quarter)!
THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL:
OK…I messed up royally and expected much more from the Vikings. Of course, Cooper Kupp and Puka Nacua come back from the IR for the Rams like rock stars and blow the Vikings out of the water. It is what it is. Unlike the past two Thursdays, I didn’t take the chalk…but consciously picked the Vikings to do better even though they are the chalk…no bueno….one pick already in the gutter.
VIKINGS -3.5 @NewportBest_ https://t.co/rNRlpYkKm0 pic.twitter.com/hHCqyqv13o
— Abe Miranda (@gawdbrudder) October 25, 2024
| | @gawdbrudder
Dorothy’s Posts
Aaron’s Posts
Aaron’s Week 5 NFL Picks
Thanks to last week’s brilliant 10-6 performance, I am 31-32-1, and that is a .500 record if you include the Atlanta win already in the books for this week. It took a while, but we finally climbed out of that Week 1 hole. Next stop, profitability?!
Tampa Bay at Atlanta -2.5
I booked it with Well Read before the game on Thursday, so it is going down as a win! Thanks go out to Captain Kirko and my fantasy darling Drake London!
NY Jets vs. Minnesota -2.5
Finally, the Vikings are favored, but this game isn’t in Minnesota; it is in London. The Jets looked legit when they stomped New England, but then they went right back into pretender mode with an ugly home loss to Denver. I will keep riding these Vikings!
Carolina +4.5 at Chicago
The Panthers came back down to Earth last week with a loss vs. Cincinnati, but the Carolina offense continued to look legit with Andy Dalton under center. That will help the Panthers defeat Chicago outright on Sunday!
Baltimore at Cincinnati +2.5
Speaking of offense, the Bengals have scored 72 points over their last two games. They might only need one or two stops on defense to beat Baltimore.
Aaron’s Week 4 NFL Picks
Wow! It’s already Week 4! We should have all of these NFL teams figured out by now, right? I agree that I should have them figured out, but I have not yet obtained the level of sharpness to do just that. It has bee nice to hover around .500 for the last two weeks after a disastrous Week 1, but that still means we’re down overall. Time to start the comeback!
Dallas at NY Giants +6.5
Picking the Giants finally paid off against Cleveland, so why should I stop now? The Cowboys can’t run the ball, and that will allow the Big Blue pass rush to beat down Dak Prescott. It is a little sad how excited I am to see Daniel Jones’ face on the “Just checking in to see if y’all still dem Boys” meme.
Saints at Falcons -2.5
Atlanta might have had the toughest starting schedule in the entire NFL, so even though 1-2 isn’t great, the Falcons still have plenty of chances to improve their record. That starts against the rival Saints, who were finally slowed down by the Eagles last week.
LA Rams +3.0 at Bears
Did the Rams’ comeback against the 49ers just not happen? Sure, they still have a lot of injuries, but Caleb Williams is still very prone to mistakes with two interceptions in each of his last two games. This should at least be a pick ’em. It feels like we are stepping into a trap, but I will take my chances with the advantage at head coach and quarterback.
Minnesota +2.5 at Green Bay
Just keep riding the Vikings. That is the directive here. Yes, Green Bay has been very impressive with a close loss to Philadelphia followed by two wins with Malik Willis under center. I’m just going to keep riding this Viking ship as long as it is an underdog.
Steelers -1.5 at Colts
The Colts beat the Bears last week, but I am off of them until Anthony Richardson shows improvement. He is completing less than half of his passes on the season and not rushing enough to make up for it. The Steelers’ defense will eat him for lunch.
Denver +7.5 at NY Jets
I’m not taking Denver’s big win at Tampa Bay super seriously just yet, but both of the Broncos’ losses came by a touchdown, so I’ll ride with them here.
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay +2.5
I am hoping the Bucs bounce back after their bizarre loss to Denver at home. They did blow out Philly in the Playoffs last season.
Cincinnati -5.5 at Carolina
It’s the Andy Dalton revenge game! But Joe Burrow and the Bengals need it much more and their offense was pretty great in the loss to Washington. They should score enough to cover this as long as the Red Rifle doesn’t play like an MVP again.
Jacksonville at Houston -6.5
Both of these teams were embarrassed last week. At least the Texans have played good football at some point this season.
Washington +3.5 at Arizona
I keep going back and forth on whether Arizona is good or not. Jayden Daniels is showing great poise for a rookie, though. He should keep this game close even if Washington’s horrible defense keeps bleeding points.
New England at San Francisco -10.5
The 49ers need to destroy someone to reestablish dominance. Last week was a disaster for them, and they can’t even use injuries as an excuse since Jauan Jennings was so good.
Cleveland at Las Vegas -2.0
This is so gross. The Browns are horrible, and the Raiders just laid an egg at home to Carolina. I don’t think Cleveland can score on anyone, though.
Kansas City at LA Chargers +7.5
I don’t know why this line is so high. I am sticking with Jim Harbaugh after the setback last week. He knows how to pound the ball and keep possession away from Patrick Mahomes, but it might not even matter with how mid he has been the last two weeks.
Buffalo +2.5 at Baltimore
The Buffalo offense is better without Stefon Diggs. It has scored over 30 points in all three games and we will keep riding it and circling the wagons.
Tennessee at Miami -1.5
Miami needs to win this one after being shocked by the Titans last year in a game that cost the Dolphins a division title. Plus, Miami has a chance to stay relevant in the hunt for the Playoffs with upcoming games at New England and Indianapolis. I’m hoping Mike McDaniel can figure out how to win one without Tua Tagovailoa.
Seattle at Detroit -3.5
The Seahawks are 3-0, but they have played feeble competition. I’ll lay the points with the Lions.
Aaron’s Week 3 NFL Picks
It’s always difficult to pick games in Week 1, but I had a nice bounce-back performance in Week 2. Now it is time for the rubber match. Do I know ball or not? I am banking on some surprising teams continuing to surprise and I will be betting on those teams until the oddsmakers catch up or until they turn into pumpkins. Whichever happens first.
New England +6.5 at NY Jets
New England is the first of the surprise teams I am talking about. They have covered the spread twice in a row and have beaten Cincinnati outright. The Jets need this game badly, but they will have to grind it out because Aaron Rodgers has yet to throw for 200 yards in a game for them.
NY Giants +6.5 at Cleveland
Congrats to Cleveland for bouncing back from that Week 1 disaster and beating Jacksonville. The Browns should still have to score 20 points in a game before they are favored to beat anyone by a touchdown. Remember, my Giants were not abysmal last week. Malik Nabers is the real deal, and now we have a kicker who can help us cover this spread! I bet we can even win if we keep the opponent out of the end zone again (sigh).
Chicago at Indianapolis -1.5
The Colts laid an egg last week, but they should still be laying at least a field goal against the Bears. Chicago’s defense won the game against Tennessee and kept the game in Houston close, but I think it is asking a lot for this team to win outright on the road.
Houston at Minnesota +4.5
The oddsmakers still don’t believe in Minnesota! I do, especially after Houston failed to put away Chicago last week until the final minute.
Aaron’s Week 2 NFL Picks
Week 1 of the NFL is finally in the books and the veil of the unknown has been lifted, but now we have a new conundrum. Of what we saw unfold last week, what is real and what is a mirage? What is a fluke and what is a season-long trend? Hey, this is almost as hard to predict as Week 1. At least I won’t be quite as disappointed with the Giants when they play like garbage.
Buffalo at Miami -2.5
Both of these teams had a little more trouble with their first opponents than I thought they would. At least I had Arizona covering against Buffalo, but I thought it would be more of a backdoor cover than a legitimately close game. Miami, meanwhile, was a yard away from falling behind Jacksonville 24-7 before it was saved by a Travis Etienne goal-line fumble and an 80-yard touchdown strike from Tua Tagovailoa to Tyreek Hill. Now many fans are wondering why the Dolphins are favored in a night game when the South Florida humidity won’t have as much of an effect. I’ll tell you why. This team is much better than it looked in Week 1! Miami gets a big win tonight!
Las Vegas +8.5 at Baltimore
Neither of these teams were impressive last week, but the Ravens came an inch away from almost beating the Chiefs when Isaiah Likely caught a last-second touchdown only to be ruled out of bounds by replay. It’s easy to remember that late surge by Baltimore and a little less easy to remember that it looked like the inferior team for much of the evening. Inferior to the Chiefs is nothing to panic about, but I think this number is a little too big against what I expect to be a spunky Raiders squad. Antonio Pierce’s super conservative 4th down decisions were a detriment last week, but they might help cover in a game like this one.
LA Chargers -6.0 at Carolina
Jim Harbaugh took care of business for me against the aforementioned Raiders last week, so let’s keep rolling with him. I sure as heck am not backing the Panthers for the second week in a row, so if they bounce back and play respectable football, I will tip my cap.
Aaron’s Week 1 NFL Picks
Football is back! So what if it’s already been back for more than a week thanks to college football? It’s REALLY back tonight with the start of the NFL, tiny point spreads, and fantasy! I am a New York Giants fan, so I am predicting a season full of pain and suffering, but maybe some of you out there can get some joy out of the next five months. There’s always fantasy football, right? Nope, just more frustration and torture. But how about the ChabDog picks contest? Now, there is something that I have a chance to win.
Baltimore +2.5 at Kansas City
Everyone is going to love the Chiefs at less than a field goal. They just won the freaking Super Bowl and are at home in front of a raucous crowd. Plus, ChiefsAholic just got sentenced to federal prison, so you know the boys will be extra fired up to get the job done for him. HOWEVER, the Chiefs aren’t the elite offensive team they used to be. Last winter, they barely got by Baltimore in the Playoffs thanks to a great defensive effort. Patrick Mahomes is still looking for a go-to wide receiver and Travis Kelce might be over the hill. The defense is still good, but it’s tougher to repeat a great defensive season than a great offensive season. Give me the hungry Ravens with their new-look and more intimidating running game for the upset!
Green Bay +1.5 vs. Philadelphia
It is a sham that this game is even happening with the crime activity in Sao Paulo being so high that players are leaving their families behind. Player safety is a priority for the NFL until the owners can make a few extra bucks by putting a game in South America! Plus, it is a Peacock exclusive game, so even fans in America will feel like they are getting robbed. Anyway, this is an easy one for me. The Eagles were in full meltdown mode at the end of last season. Now, many fans are convinced that Saquon Barkley and a couple of new coordinators will solve all their issues. I’m not so sure. I’ll take the rising Packers after their exciting run in last season’s Playoffs.
Pittsburgh at Atlanta -2.5
This spread should be more than three points. Maybe not everyone realizes how much better the Atlanta offense is now that the team has a veteran quarterback under center. Kirk Cousins is coming back from a major Achilles tendon injury, but he won’t need to move around much when Bijan Robinson and Drake London are entering their primes. This offense is just as talented as the one that Cousins left behind in Minnesota. It will be tough for the Steelers and their new quarterback to keep pace, even with new offensive coordinator Arthur Smith’s familiarity with Atlanta.
Arizona +7.5 at Buffalo
Arizona’s offense is on the rise due to the selections of Marvin Harrison Jr. and Trey Benson in the NFL Draft. Plus, Trey McBride emerged as a star tight end last season, and Kyler Murray is expected to have his best season yet after missing half of 2023 due to recovery from knee surgery. Does that mean that the Cardinals will stun Buffalo in Week 1? There’s a chance with Josh Allen breaking in a new-look receiving group. I still think Buffalo prevails, but I wouldn’t pick the Bills in survivor. Taking the points is the move here.