See things others don’t!

• J’ville feels right at home against Da Bears, who don’t really like swimming across the pond.  Chicago -1.5 is not a winner.
• True to form, AZ follows a good week with a bad one, and GB is happy to be coming home (they cover 4.5)
• TN is like a Hebrew National juicy dog… they are on a roll.  Take the Ti-tans (-.5)
• Houston brings its flimsy running game into Gillette (is that what they call it?) to face the New England Nebbishes.  Can’t bring myself to throw in my lot with the ultimate have nots.  Houston covers.
• Tampa finds there is life after getting violated in the GA Dome.  They will gladly and successfully take the 2.5 in the Big Queasy.
• God almighty I hate taking Philly to cover a big bad 8.5 spread; but I hate counting on Beaver Cleveland even more.  Going with the Eagles on this one, … somehow.  Plus, a little birdie told me DJ Brown (not Hollywood) was back in town.
• Baltimore couldn’t be more unreliable here, giving a jive 6.5.  I’m still jaded from watching “Jayden” do his thang…. taking the Commies.
• Chargers are suddenly a 2.5 fav. and the darlings of the odds makers.  I guess this means Justin’s rib is tender no more.  No matter, cuz I’m fixing to put my money on the team led by Nix… Broncs buck the stupid spread… and win at home.
• Pittsburgh should be able to beat a messed up Raiders team by a measly field goal…. so pencil me in for the low octane Steelers in an ugly ugly game.
• Detroit at Dallas should be the game of the day.  Is 3.5 just a little too rich for Dapper Dan’s dynamos?  Nah!  Going with the Lions to cover that by a whisker.
• Hot-lanta keeps it going in Carolina, and now all the Georgians will be kissing the feet of Cousins.  Take the effing Falcons and the effing Five point Five.
• Just when the Jr. G-men thought they were back on track, Cincy stings them with the gridiron version of Blonde Ambition.  This will be another Joey Burrow special, and I am taking the Bungles giving 3.5.
• Can’t see Home Improvement Allen not improving on last week’s doggie style performance at the junkyard Jets.  Bills by at least 3.

Before I get into all the excitement of Week 6, let’s talk about Week 5.  So yeah, like my gawdbrudder Frank Fleming from Barstool Sports, I was locked out of chabdog.com as technology told me to go fuck myself last week.  However, if you’re following me on social media, you probably came across my Week 5 picks in the form of a tweet.  So here they are for transparency as we take great pride in our weekly/season records here at Chabdog Sports.

Therefore, with my Week 5 picks in, here are my current weekly/season stats before you decide if I’m worth reading any further down the page:

WEEK 1: 10/16 (62.5%) WEEK 2: 8/15 + 1 Push (53.3%)  WEEK 3: 8/16 (50%) WEEK 4:  9/16 (56%) WEEK 5: 7/14 (50%)  SEASON RECORD (ATS): 42/77 + 1 Push (54%)

OK, now that we’re all caught up and you’re still willing to read some rando’s internet scumbag picks, lets fucking go NFL Week 6 (thank you for knowing that you still have a better shot with my picks below than LITERALLY flipping a quarter)!

For Thursday’s Night Game, I was slammed at work and took the chalk which was 100% the right call.

|  | @gawdbrudder

CHABDOG’S TAKING A HIGH DIVE INTO THE PERILOUS WATERS OF GAME FIVE:
— DODGERS ARE UP FOR THE CHALLENGE AGAINST THE UPS BOYS FROM SAN DIEGO (SORRY, BUT THEY HAVE TOO MUCH DAMN TALENT)
— CLEVELAND PUTS AN END TO THE CINDERFELLA STORY IN DETROIT; THEIR NASTY PITCHING IS THE DIFFERENCE.

Last week stunk for me. I had just crawled back to .500 and instead of keeping the momentum going, I fell into another hole with a 5-9 week. That’s what I get for picking against my Giants, and that’s one mistake I won’t make again this week. There are other mistakes that I am very willing to repeat, though.

San Francisco -3.5 at Seattle

Fading San Francisco worked out well in Week 5, as it blew another fourth quarter lead to a division rival. This is becoming a disturbing trend for Kyle Shanahan’s team. However, I can’t go with Seattle again after they returned a fumble 102 yards against my Giants and STILL lost by nine.

Jacksonville at Chicago -1.5

The Jaguars have resurrected themselves somewhat with two straight covers (1-1 straight up) after being humiliated by Buffalo on Monday Night Football. I am still fading them, though. That’s because the Bears are HOT HOT HOT with two straight wins that covered the spread. Plus, Caleb Williams is coming off the best game of his young career.

Arizona +4.5 at Green Bay

It is tough to figure this Cardinals team out, but I have picked their games correctly for two weeks in a row. Green Bay should win this game because its only two losses are close ones against Minnesota and Philly, but I like Arizona’s offense too much. I will hope for a field goal game.

Indianapolis +0.5 at Tennessee

Joe Flacco has been awesome for the Colts, while Tennessee’s only win is against the feeble Dolphins.

Houston at New England +7.5

The Drake Maye bump! Houston only beat Buffalo by three last week despite Josh Allen completing nine of 30 passes. That seems manageable for the young Tar Heel making his debut!

Tampa Bay at New Orleans -2.5

Is this a misprint on Well Read’s sheet? It looks like the Buccaneers are currently favored by a field goal in this game. When the spread makes no sense, go with the sharp side! Give me the Saints as favorites or underdogs. They have dropped three straight, but the schedule has been tough.

Cleveland at Philadelphia -8.5

The Browns are awful and the Eagles are coming off a bye. Give me more Fanta rants!

Washington +6.5 at Baltimore

Commies are an auto pick at this point. If Jayden Daniels outshines Lamar Jackson, the young LSU alum could vault himself into the MVP discussion.

LA Chargers at Denver +2.5

Denver has won and covered three in a row. Please keep making them underdogs.

Pittsburgh -2.5 at Las Vegas

The bloom is off the Steelers after two straight losses, but Las Vegas has not impressed since its Week 2 upset of Baltimore. Pittsburgh will get right here.

Detroit -3.5 at Dallas

The Cowboys passed the fraud test at Pittsburgh, but I am still picking against them. The problem is that Detroit is good and Dallas hasn’t won at home yet this season.

Atlanta at Carolina +5.5

This is dumb. Carolina has failed to cover twice in a row since its upset win at Las Vegas. However, the Falcons have only covered at all due to miracle comebacks against Philly and Tampa Bay. It is very hard to believe in Atlanta as a favorite, so I am going back to the Red Rifle.

Cincinnati at NY Giants +3.5

Auto pick after last week’s shocking and triumphant victory. The Bengals are great on offense, but their defense is so soft.

Buffalo -2.5 at NY Jets

Jets are desperate and just fired their coach. Bills need a win after laying an egg for two weeks in a row. I will go with Buffalo because the Jets fired the wrong guy! Nathaniel Hackett is still there and he is letting Rodgers sling it like it’s 2014.

Thanks to last week’s brilliant 10-6 performance, I am 31-32-1, and that is a .500 record if you include the Atlanta win already in the books for this week. It took a while, but we finally climbed out of that Week 1 hole. Next stop, profitability?!

Tampa Bay at Atlanta -2.5

I booked it with Well Read before the game on Thursday, so it is going down as a win! Thanks go out to Captain Kirko and my fantasy darling Drake London!

NY Jets vs. Minnesota -2.5

Finally, the Vikings are favored, but this game isn’t in Minnesota; it is in London. The Jets looked legit when they stomped New England, but then they went right back into pretender mode with an ugly home loss to Denver. I will keep riding these Vikings!

Carolina +4.5 at Chicago

The Panthers came back down to Earth last week with a loss vs. Cincinnati, but the Carolina offense continued to look legit with Andy Dalton under center. That will help the Panthers defeat Chicago outright on Sunday!

Baltimore at Cincinnati +2.5

Speaking of offense, the Bengals have scored 72 points over their last two games. They might only need one or two stops on defense to beat Baltimore.

Miami at New England +1.5

I can’t bet on Miami again after the Tennessee debacle last week.

Cleveland at Washington -3.5

The Commies are red hot. They should be favored by at least a touchdown in this game. Lock it up.

Indianapolis +2.5 at Jacksonville

Jonathan Taylor is likely out for the Colts, but they are still much better than Jacksonville. I lost betting against the Jaguars when they were underdogs last week, but I feel much better about fading them as a favorite!

Buffalo +1.5 at Houston

The Bills completely flopped last week at Baltimore. Many people will say they are overrated because they beat up on Arizona, Miami, and Jacksonville, but I think the Bills get back on track and win the Stefon Diggs revenge game.

Las Vegas at Denver -2.5

It is time to start believing in Denver, and Davante Adams is out for Las Vegas.

Arizona +7.5 at San Francisco

The 49ers got back on track last week while Arizona was blown out. This gambling business would be too easy if San Francisco won big again.

Green Bay at LA Rams +3.5

The Rams look decent one week and horrible the next. One thing they have done well the last two weeks is get the running game on track with Kyren Williams. He will help this banged-up team get a win that it desperately needs.

NY Giants at Seattle -6.5

Malik Nabers is out, so I don’t know how the Giants are going to generate offense. Devin Singletary is out too, so maybe rookie tailback Tyrone Tracy Jr. breaks out, but this one should be ugly.

Dallas at Pittsburgh -2.5

Dallas’ two wins are against Cleveland and the Giants. I am considering it a fraud team until proven otherwise.

New Orleans +5.5 at Kansas City

With Rashee Rice injured, the Chiefs do not have enough weapons to cover this spread. They will still find a way to grind out a win because they are the Chiefs, but I’ll take the points.

— The skinny on Minny is it’ll winny… by more than 2.5

–Chicago sits on the Panthers, and makes them cry …. by more than 4.5

— Baltimore runs over the B-gals by at least a field goal

— New England turns over a new leaf and wins by 2 or more

— Washington leaves Cleveland in the dust by four or more

— Jax finally finds a playmate it can dominate … by at least 3

— Buffalo stampedes in Texas by at least a couple.

— Denver’s defense has it made in the shade against the Raiders.  They win by at least 3.

— SF celebrates a little with the return of Kittle and wins by at least 8.

— Green Bay gets back to its old ways against the broken down Rams…. 4 point win or more.

— Seattle shatters the Giants’ shinebox by at least a TD.

— Bostwell’s foot pushes the Steelers past the Cowboys.

— KC can’t help from painting the Saints into a corner by more than a score.