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  • J’ville feels right at home against Da Bears, who don’t really like swimming across the pond.  Chicago -1.5 is not a winner.
  • True to form, AZ follows a good week with a bad one, and GB is happy to be coming home (they cover 4.5)
  • TN is like a Hebrew National juicy dog… they are on a roll.  Take the Ti-tans (-.5)
  • Houston brings its flimsy running game into Gillette (is that what they call it?) to face the New England Nebbishes.  Can’t bring myself to throw in my lot with the ultimate have nots.  Houston covers.
  • Tampa finds there is life after getting violated in the GA Dome.  They will gladly and successfully take the 2.5 in the Big Queasy.
  • God almighty I hate taking Philly to cover a big bad 8.5 spread; but I hate counting on Beaver Cleveland even more.  Going with the Eagles on this one, … somehow.  Plus, a little birdie told me DJ Brown (not Hollywood) was back in town.
  • Baltimore couldn’t be more unreliable here, giving a jive 6.5.  I’m still jaded from watching “Jayden” do his thang…. taking the Commies.
  • Chargers are suddenly a 2.5 fav. and the darlings of the odds makers.  I guess this means Justin’s rib is tender no more.  No matter, cuz I’m fixing to put my money on the team led by Nix… Broncs buck the stupid spread… and win at home.
  • Pittsburgh should be able to beat a messed up Raiders team by a measly field goal…. so pencil me in for the low octane Steelers in an ugly ugly game.
  • Detroit at Dallas should be the game of the day.  Is 3.5 just a little too rich for Dapper Dan’s dynamos?  Nah!  Going with the Lions to cover that by a whisker.
  • Hot-lanta keeps it going in Carolina, and now all the Georgians will be kissing the feet of Cousins.  Take the effing Falcons and the effing Five point Five.
  • Just when the Jr. G-men thought they were back on track, Cincy stings them with the gridiron version of Blonde Ambition.  This will be another Joey Burrow special, and I am taking the Bungles giving 3.5.
  • Can’t see Home Improvement Allen not improving on last week’s doggie style performance at the junkyard Jets.  Bills by at least 3.
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Before I get into all the excitement of Week 6, let’s talk about Week 5.  So yeah, like my gawdbrudder Frank Fleming from Barstool Sports, I was locked out of chabdog.com as technology told me to go fuck myself last week.  However, if you’re following me on social media, you probably came across my Week 5 picks in the form of a tweet.  So here they are for transparency as we take great pride in our weekly/season records here at Chabdog Sports.

Therefore, with my Week 5 picks in, here are my current weekly/season stats before you decide if I’m worth reading any further down the page:

WEEK 1: 10/16 (62.5%) WEEK 2: 8/15 + 1 Push (53.3%)  WEEK 3: 8/16 (50%) WEEK 4:  9/16 (56%) WEEK 5: 7/14 (50%)  SEASON RECORD (ATS): 42/77 + 1 Push (54%)

OK, now that we’re all caught up and you’re still willing to read some rando’s internet scumbag picks, lets fucking go NFL Week 6 (thank you for knowing that you still have a better shot with my picks below than LITERALLY flipping a quarter)!

For Thursday’s Night Game, I was slammed at work and took the chalk which was 100% the right call.

|  | @gawdbrudder

 

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CHABDOG’S TAKING A HIGH DIVE INTO THE PERILOUS WATERS OF GAME FIVE:
— DODGERS ARE UP FOR THE CHALLENGE AGAINST THE UPS BOYS FROM SAN DIEGO (SORRY, BUT THEY HAVE TOO MUCH DAMN TALENT)
— CLEVELAND PUTS AN END TO THE CINDERFELLA STORY IN DETROIT; THEIR NASTY PITCHING IS THE DIFFERENCE.

 

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Last week stunk for me. I had just crawled back to .500 and instead of keeping the momentum going, I fell into another hole with a 5-9 week. That’s what I get for picking against my Giants, and that’s one mistake I won’t make again this week. There are other mistakes that I am very willing to repeat, though.

San Francisco -3.5 at Seattle

Fading San Francisco worked out well in Week 5, as it blew another fourth quarter lead to a division rival. This is becoming a disturbing trend for Kyle Shanahan’s team. However, I can’t go with Seattle again after they returned a fumble 102 yards against my Giants and STILL lost by nine.

Jacksonville at Chicago -1.5

The Jaguars have resurrected themselves somewhat with two straight covers (1-1 straight up) after being humiliated by Buffalo on Monday Night Football. I am still fading them, though. That’s because the Bears are HOT HOT HOT with two straight wins that covered the spread. Plus, Caleb Williams is coming off the best game of his young career.

Arizona +4.5 at Green Bay

It is tough to figure this Cardinals team out, but I have picked their games correctly for two weeks in a row. Green Bay should win this game because its only two losses are close ones against Minnesota and Philly, but I like Arizona’s offense too much. I will hope for a field goal game.

Indianapolis +0.5 at Tennessee

Joe Flacco has been awesome for the Colts, while Tennessee’s only win is against the feeble Dolphins.

Houston at New England +7.5

The Drake Maye bump! Houston only beat Buffalo by three last week despite Josh Allen completing nine of 30 passes. That seems manageable for the young Tar Heel making his debut!

Tampa Bay at New Orleans -2.5

Is this a misprint on Well Read’s sheet? It looks like the Buccaneers are currently favored by a field goal in this game. When the spread makes no sense, go with the sharp side! Give me the Saints as favorites or underdogs. They have dropped three straight, but the schedule has been tough.

Cleveland at Philadelphia -8.5

The Browns are awful and the Eagles are coming off a bye. Give me more Fanta rants!

Washington +6.5 at Baltimore

Commies are an auto pick at this point. If Jayden Daniels outshines Lamar Jackson, the young LSU alum could vault himself into the MVP discussion.

LA Chargers at Denver +2.5

Denver has won and covered three in a row. Please keep making them underdogs.

Pittsburgh -2.5 at Las Vegas

The bloom is off the Steelers after two straight losses, but Las Vegas has not impressed since its Week 2 upset of Baltimore. Pittsburgh will get right here.

Detroit -3.5 at Dallas

The Cowboys passed the fraud test at Pittsburgh, but I am still picking against them. The problem is that Detroit is good and Dallas hasn’t won at home yet this season.

Atlanta at Carolina +5.5

This is dumb. Carolina has failed to cover twice in a row since its upset win at Las Vegas. However, the Falcons have only covered at all due to miracle comebacks against Philly and Tampa Bay. It is very hard to believe in Atlanta as a favorite, so I am going back to the Red Rifle.

Cincinnati at NY Giants +3.5

Auto pick after last week’s shocking and triumphant victory. The Bengals are great on offense, but their defense is so soft.

Buffalo -2.5 at NY Jets

Jets are desperate and just fired their coach. Bills need a win after laying an egg for two weeks in a row. I will go with Buffalo because the Jets fired the wrong guy! Nathaniel Hackett is still there and he is letting Rodgers sling it like it’s 2014.

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Thanks to last week’s brilliant 10-6 performance, I am 31-32-1, and that is a .500 record if you include the Atlanta win already in the books for this week. It took a while, but we finally climbed out of that Week 1 hole. Next stop, profitability?!

Tampa Bay at Atlanta -2.5

I booked it with Well Read before the game on Thursday, so it is going down as a win! Thanks go out to Captain Kirko and my fantasy darling Drake London!

NY Jets vs. Minnesota -2.5

Finally, the Vikings are favored, but this game isn’t in Minnesota; it is in London. The Jets looked legit when they stomped New England, but then they went right back into pretender mode with an ugly home loss to Denver. I will keep riding these Vikings!

Carolina +4.5 at Chicago

The Panthers came back down to Earth last week with a loss vs. Cincinnati, but the Carolina offense continued to look legit with Andy Dalton under center. That will help the Panthers defeat Chicago outright on Sunday!

Baltimore at Cincinnati +2.5

Speaking of offense, the Bengals have scored 72 points over their last two games. They might only need one or two stops on defense to beat Baltimore.

Miami at New England +1.5

I can’t bet on Miami again after the Tennessee debacle last week.

Cleveland at Washington -3.5

The Commies are red hot. They should be favored by at least a touchdown in this game. Lock it up.

Indianapolis +2.5 at Jacksonville

Jonathan Taylor is likely out for the Colts, but they are still much better than Jacksonville. I lost betting against the Jaguars when they were underdogs last week, but I feel much better about fading them as a favorite!

Buffalo +1.5 at Houston

The Bills completely flopped last week at Baltimore. Many people will say they are overrated because they beat up on Arizona, Miami, and Jacksonville, but I think the Bills get back on track and win the Stefon Diggs revenge game.

Las Vegas at Denver -2.5

It is time to start believing in Denver, and Davante Adams is out for Las Vegas.

Arizona +7.5 at San Francisco

The 49ers got back on track last week while Arizona was blown out. This gambling business would be too easy if San Francisco won big again.

Green Bay at LA Rams +3.5

The Rams look decent one week and horrible the next. One thing they have done well the last two weeks is get the running game on track with Kyren Williams. He will help this banged-up team get a win that it desperately needs.

NY Giants at Seattle -6.5

Malik Nabers is out, so I don’t know how the Giants are going to generate offense. Devin Singletary is out too, so maybe rookie tailback Tyrone Tracy Jr. breaks out, but this one should be ugly.

Dallas at Pittsburgh -2.5

Dallas’ two wins are against Cleveland and the Giants. I am considering it a fraud team until proven otherwise.

New Orleans +5.5 at Kansas City

With Rashee Rice injured, the Chiefs do not have enough weapons to cover this spread. They will still find a way to grind out a win because they are the Chiefs, but I’ll take the points.

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— The skinny on Minny is it’ll winny… by more than 2.5

–Chicago sits on the Panthers, and makes them cry …. by more than 4.5

— Baltimore runs over the B-gals by at least a field goal

— New England turns over a new leaf and wins by 2 or more

— Washington leaves Cleveland in the dust by four or more

— Jax finally finds a playmate it can dominate … by at least 3

— Buffalo stampedes in Texas by at least a couple.

— Denver’s defense has it made in the shade against the Raiders.  They win by at least 3.

— SF celebrates a little with the return of Kittle and wins by at least 8.

— Green Bay gets back to its old ways against the broken down Rams…. 4 point win or more.

— Seattle shatters the Giants’ shinebox by at least a TD.

— Bostwell’s foot pushes the Steelers past the Cowboys.

— KC can’t help from painting the Saints into a corner by more than a score.

 

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Brandon’s Posts

ChabDog’s Yom Kicker Weekend Picks (Sanctioned by a “Higher Authority”):

  • J’ville feels right at home against Da Bears, who don’t really like swimming across the pond.  Chicago -1.5 is not a winner.
  • True to form, AZ follows a good week with a bad one, and GB is happy to be coming home (they cover 4.5)
  • TN is like a Hebrew National juicy dog… they are on a roll.  Take the Ti-tans (-.5)
  • Houston brings its flimsy running game into Gillette (is that what they call it?) to face the New England Nebbishes.  Can’t bring myself to throw in my lot with the ultimate have nots.  Houston covers.
  • Tampa finds there is life after getting violated in the GA Dome.  They will gladly and successfully take the 2.5 in the Big Queasy.
  • God almighty I hate taking Philly to cover a big bad 8.5 spread; but I hate counting on Beaver Cleveland even more.  Going with the Eagles on this one, … somehow.  Plus, a little birdie told me DJ Brown (not Hollywood) was back in town.
  • Baltimore couldn’t be more unreliable here, giving a jive 6.5.  I’m still jaded from watching “Jayden” do his thang…. taking the Commies.
  • Chargers are suddenly a 2.5 fav. and the darlings of the odds makers.  I guess this means Justin’s rib is tender no more.  No matter, cuz I’m fixing to put my money on the team led by Nix… Broncs buck the stupid spread… and win at home.
  • Pittsburgh should be able to beat a messed up Raiders team by a measly field goal…. so pencil me in for the low octane Steelers in an ugly ugly game.
  • Detroit at Dallas should be the game of the day.  Is 3.5 just a little too rich for Dapper Dan’s dynamos?  Nah!  Going with the Lions to cover that by a whisker.
  • Hot-lanta keeps it going in Carolina, and now all the Georgians will be kissing the feet of Cousins.  Take the effing Falcons and the effing Five point Five.
  • Just when the Jr. G-men thought they were back on track, Cincy stings them with the gridiron version of Blonde Ambition.  This will be another Joey Burrow special, and I am taking the Bungles giving 3.5.
  • Can’t see Home Improvement Allen not improving on last week’s doggie style performance at the junkyard Jets.  Bills by at least 3.
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Well Read’s Posts

Abe’s Posts

Week 6: Abe’s Scrumdidilyumptious NFL Picks (ATS)

Before I get into all the excitement of Week 6, let’s talk about Week 5.  So yeah, like my gawdbrudder Frank Fleming from Barstool Sports, I was locked out of chabdog.com as technology told me to go fuck myself last week.  However, if you’re following me on social media, you probably came across my Week 5 picks in the form of a tweet.  So here they are for transparency as we take great pride in our weekly/season records here at Chabdog Sports.

Therefore, with my Week 5 picks in, here are my current weekly/season stats before you decide if I’m worth reading any further down the page:

WEEK 1: 10/16 (62.5%) WEEK 2: 8/15 + 1 Push (53.3%)  WEEK 3: 8/16 (50%) WEEK 4:  9/16 (56%) WEEK 5: 7/14 (50%)  SEASON RECORD (ATS): 42/77 + 1 Push (54%)

OK, now that we’re all caught up and you’re still willing to read some rando’s internet scumbag picks, lets fucking go NFL Week 6 (thank you for knowing that you still have a better shot with my picks below than LITERALLY flipping a quarter)!

For Thursday’s Night Game, I was slammed at work and took the chalk which was 100% the right call.

|  | @gawdbrudder

 

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Week 4: Abe’s Scrumdidilyumptious NFL Picks (ATS)

NO NEED TO FEAR…WEEK 4 IS HERE, and boy have we seen an ass ton of upsets and injuries already go down in just 3 short weeks ! Like me, I assume everyone elses fantasy team is in a world of shit right now. Especially since I have Puka Nacua (WR-Rams) and Isiah Pacheco (RB – KC Chiefs) on the fucking IR. As always, here are my scrumdidilyumptious NFL picks based on very flawed science, numbies based solely on Taylor Swift’s game attendance, and a spidey sense that may or may not be functioning well based on the amount and quality of tacos I ate today. As for week 3, I got 50% (8/16) of my picks right and still questioning why the hell I picked the Bengals -7.5 knowing how unreliable they’ve been so far….I’m ashamed….bad Abe…bad (why I’m picking the Panthers +5.5)! With that being said, you still have a better shot with my picks below than literally flipping a quarter.  So if you’re stuck on a particular game to pick, just know you got better odds right fucking here!!! So let’s get smashed and have ourselves a weekend

WEEK 1: 10/16 (62.5%) WEEK 2: 8/15 + 1 Push (53.3%)  WEEK 3: 8/16 (50%) SEASON RECORD (ATS): 26/47 + 1 Push (55%)

 

|  | @gawdbrudder

 

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Dorothy’s Posts

Aaron’s Posts

Aaron’s Week 6 NFL Picks

Last week stunk for me. I had just crawled back to .500 and instead of keeping the momentum going, I fell into another hole with a 5-9 week. That’s what I get for picking against my Giants, and that’s one mistake I won’t make again this week. There are other mistakes that I am very willing to repeat, though.

San Francisco -3.5 at Seattle

Fading San Francisco worked out well in Week 5, as it blew another fourth quarter lead to a division rival. This is becoming a disturbing trend for Kyle Shanahan’s team. However, I can’t go with Seattle again after they returned a fumble 102 yards against my Giants and STILL lost by nine.

Jacksonville at Chicago -1.5

The Jaguars have resurrected themselves somewhat with two straight covers (1-1 straight up) after being humiliated by Buffalo on Monday Night Football. I am still fading them, though. That’s because the Bears are HOT HOT HOT with two straight wins that covered the spread. Plus, Caleb Williams is coming off the best game of his young career.

Arizona +4.5 at Green Bay

It is tough to figure this Cardinals team out, but I have picked their games correctly for two weeks in a row. Green Bay should win this game because its only two losses are close ones against Minnesota and Philly, but I like Arizona’s offense too much. I will hope for a field goal game.

read more…

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Aaron’s Week 5 NFL Picks

Thanks to last week’s brilliant 10-6 performance, I am 31-32-1, and that is a .500 record if you include the Atlanta win already in the books for this week. It took a while, but we finally climbed out of that Week 1 hole. Next stop, profitability?!

Tampa Bay at Atlanta -2.5

I booked it with Well Read before the game on Thursday, so it is going down as a win! Thanks go out to Captain Kirko and my fantasy darling Drake London!

NY Jets vs. Minnesota -2.5

Finally, the Vikings are favored, but this game isn’t in Minnesota; it is in London. The Jets looked legit when they stomped New England, but then they went right back into pretender mode with an ugly home loss to Denver. I will keep riding these Vikings!

Carolina +4.5 at Chicago

The Panthers came back down to Earth last week with a loss vs. Cincinnati, but the Carolina offense continued to look legit with Andy Dalton under center. That will help the Panthers defeat Chicago outright on Sunday!

Baltimore at Cincinnati +2.5

Speaking of offense, the Bengals have scored 72 points over their last two games. They might only need one or two stops on defense to beat Baltimore.

read more…

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Aaron’s Week 4 NFL Picks

Wow! It’s already Week 4! We should have all of these NFL teams figured out by now, right? I agree that I should have them figured out, but I have not yet obtained the level of sharpness to do just that. It has bee nice to hover around .500 for the last two weeks after a disastrous Week 1, but that still means we’re down overall. Time to start the comeback!

Dallas at NY Giants +6.5

Picking the Giants finally paid off against Cleveland, so why should I stop now? The Cowboys can’t run the ball, and that will allow the Big Blue pass rush to beat down Dak Prescott. It is a little sad how excited I am to see Daniel Jones’ face on the “Just checking in to see if y’all still dem Boys” meme.

Saints at Falcons -2.5

Atlanta might have had the toughest starting schedule in the entire NFL, so even though 1-2 isn’t great, the Falcons still have plenty of chances to improve their record. That starts against the rival Saints, who were finally slowed down by the Eagles last week.

LA Rams +3.0 at Bears

Did the Rams’ comeback against the 49ers just not happen? Sure, they still have a lot of injuries, but Caleb Williams is still very prone to mistakes with two interceptions in each of his last two games. This should at least be a pick ’em. It feels like we are stepping into a trap, but I will take my chances with the advantage at head coach and quarterback.

Minnesota +2.5 at Green Bay

Just keep riding the Vikings. That is the directive here. Yes, Green Bay has been very impressive with a close loss to Philadelphia followed by two wins with Malik Willis under center. I’m just going to keep riding this Viking ship as long as it is an underdog.

Steelers -1.5 at Colts

The Colts beat the Bears last week, but I am off of them until Anthony Richardson shows improvement. He is completing less than half of his passes on the season and not rushing enough to make up for it. The Steelers’ defense will eat him for lunch.

Denver +7.5 at NY Jets

I’m not taking Denver’s big win at Tampa Bay super seriously just yet, but both of the Broncos’ losses came by a touchdown, so I’ll ride with them here.

Philadelphia at Tampa Bay +2.5

I am hoping the Bucs bounce back after their bizarre loss to Denver at home. They did blow out Philly in the Playoffs last season.

Cincinnati -5.5 at Carolina

It’s the Andy Dalton revenge game! But Joe Burrow and the Bengals need it much more and their offense was pretty great in the loss to Washington. They should score enough to cover this as long as the Red Rifle doesn’t play like an MVP again.

Jacksonville at Houston -6.5

Both of these teams were embarrassed last week. At least the Texans have played good football at some point this season.

Washington +3.5 at Arizona

I keep going back and forth on whether Arizona is good or not. Jayden Daniels is showing great poise for a rookie, though. He should keep this game close even if Washington’s horrible defense keeps bleeding points.

New England at San Francisco -10.5

The 49ers need to destroy someone to reestablish dominance. Last week was a disaster for them, and they can’t even use injuries as an excuse since Jauan Jennings was so good.

Cleveland at Las Vegas -2.0

This is so gross. The Browns are horrible, and the Raiders just laid an egg at home to Carolina. I don’t think Cleveland can score on anyone, though.

Kansas City at LA Chargers +7.5

I don’t know why this line is so high. I am sticking with Jim Harbaugh after the setback last week. He knows how to pound the ball and keep possession away from Patrick Mahomes, but it might not even matter with how mid he has been the last two weeks.

Buffalo +2.5 at Baltimore

The Buffalo offense is better without Stefon Diggs. It has scored over 30 points in all three games and we will keep riding it and circling the wagons.

Tennessee at Miami -1.5

Miami needs to win this one after being shocked by the Titans last year in a game that cost the Dolphins a division title. Plus, Miami has a chance to stay relevant in the hunt for the Playoffs with upcoming games at New England and Indianapolis. I’m hoping Mike McDaniel can figure out how to win one without Tua Tagovailoa.

Seattle at Detroit -3.5

The Seahawks are 3-0, but they have played feeble competition. I’ll lay the points with the Lions.

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Aaron’s Week 3 NFL Picks

It’s always difficult to pick games in Week 1, but I had a nice bounce-back performance in Week 2. Now it is time for the rubber match. Do I know ball or not? I am banking on some surprising teams continuing to surprise and I will be betting on those teams until the oddsmakers catch up or until they turn into pumpkins. Whichever happens first.

New England +6.5 at NY Jets

New England is the first of the surprise teams I am talking about. They have covered the spread twice in a row and have beaten Cincinnati outright. The Jets need this game badly, but they will have to grind it out because Aaron Rodgers has yet to throw for 200 yards in a game for them.

NY Giants +6.5 at Cleveland

Congrats to Cleveland for bouncing back from that Week 1 disaster and beating Jacksonville. The Browns should still have to score 20 points in a game before they are favored to beat anyone by a touchdown. Remember, my Giants were not abysmal last week. Malik Nabers is the real deal, and now we have a kicker who can help us cover this spread! I bet we can even win if we keep the opponent out of the end zone again (sigh).

Chicago at Indianapolis -1.5

The Colts laid an egg last week, but they should still be laying at least a field goal against the Bears. Chicago’s defense won the game against Tennessee and kept the game in Houston close, but I think it is asking a lot for this team to win outright on the road.

Houston at Minnesota +4.5

The oddsmakers still don’t believe in Minnesota! I do, especially after Houston failed to put away Chicago last week until the final minute.

read more…

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Aaron’s Week 2 NFL Picks

Week 1 of the NFL is finally in the books and the veil of the unknown has been lifted, but now we have a new conundrum. Of what we saw unfold last week, what is real and what is a mirage? What is a fluke and what is a season-long trend? Hey, this is almost as hard to predict as Week 1. At least I won’t be quite as disappointed with the Giants when they play like garbage.

Buffalo at Miami -2.5

Both of these teams had a little more trouble with their first opponents than I thought they would. At least I had Arizona covering against Buffalo, but I thought it would be more of a backdoor cover than a legitimately close game. Miami, meanwhile, was a yard away from falling behind Jacksonville 24-7 before it was saved by a Travis Etienne goal-line fumble and an 80-yard touchdown strike from Tua Tagovailoa to Tyreek Hill. Now many fans are wondering why the Dolphins are favored in a night game when the South Florida humidity won’t have as much of an effect. I’ll tell you why. This team is much better than it looked in Week 1! Miami gets a big win tonight!

Las Vegas +8.5 at Baltimore

Neither of these teams were impressive last week, but the Ravens came an inch away from almost beating the Chiefs when Isaiah Likely caught a last-second touchdown only to be ruled out of bounds by replay. It’s easy to remember that late surge by Baltimore and a little less easy to remember that it looked like the inferior team for much of the evening. Inferior to the Chiefs is nothing to panic about, but I think this number is a little too big against what I expect to be a spunky Raiders squad. Antonio Pierce’s super conservative 4th down decisions were a detriment last week, but they might help cover in a game like this one.

LA Chargers -6.0 at Carolina

Jim Harbaugh took care of business for me against the aforementioned Raiders last week, so let’s keep rolling with him. I sure as heck am not backing the Panthers for the second week in a row, so if they bounce back and play respectable football, I will tip my cap.

read more…

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