Another week, another blog about my shitty NFL picks. Especially since I went 6 & 16, but come on, the Chiefs taking an L, the Bills taking an L against the Zach Wilson Jets, and the Chargers taking an L to a hurt Dolphins team at home is nothing I could predict in my shitty crystal ball. I know that doesn’t sound like my Week 2 picks will be amazing, but at least I now have some perspective of the teams in their regular season form (less shitty crystal ball). So let’s try this again.
NFL WEEK 1 RESULTS
OFFICIAL CHABDOG SPORTS NFL WEEK 2 SPREAD
VIKINGS: The Vikings may lose this game but not by 7 points. Show some damn heart Vikings, especially since Kirk Cousins, a Justin Jefferson had better Week 1 numbies than their counterparts.PACKERS: I got this pick right last week, and are favored to win against the Falcons. Packers either lose this gamer or beat the Falcons by more than 2 points. My money is on beating the Falcons. Hold up boys and let Jordan Love cook (my proven Packers motto).
RAIDERS: The Bills are pissed, but the Raiders are not the New York Jets. That means that the Bills are not going to slaughter the Raiders, especially after last week’s performance against Zach Wilson. I expect the game to run a little tighter than 9 1/2 points.
BENGALS: The Ravens played Houston (an easy team) and the Bengals played a much tougher opponent. So looking at Week 1’s number the Ravens look better on paper. But again we find ourselves with Lamar Jackson playing QB/RB with the Bengals having Joe Mixon (RB) and Ja’marr Chase (WR) to mix it up at home. Also, let’s add that Joe Burrow is pissed off from losing against the Browns and needs to come out strong here in front of the homestand.
LIONS: The Seahawks played like shit last week and are coming up against the Lions who have the offensive numbies to beat the Seahawks. Additionally, the Seahawks are also defensively bad which could mean the Lions destroy the Hawks at home. If you’re a Seahawks fan, I suggest you start looking forward to the Seattle Kraken season, because that will be far less disappointing than what is to come. Although you may get Shohei Ohtani in Mariners uni…may.
JAGUARS: I don’t know what is going on with the Chiefs but most people I know are picking them simply because it’s the Chiefs, they’re pissed for taking an L, and they’re the former Superbowl Champs. But the Jags put up some really good numbies last week (way better than the Chiefs) and have a chance of actually beating them if they repeat the performance. the math says that the Jags are not bad team, and should be able to keep pace with the Chiefs…if so, all I can say is that it’s a great time to be a Jags fan.
BUCS: The Bears lost
to the Jordan Love Packers at home. Hard to see the Bears beating the Bucs, especially in the Bucs pirate ship (and at their home port).
CHARGERS: The Chargers losing to a hurt Dolphins team is just sad. The Titans not being able to produce against the Saints is also bad. Tannehill having a few interceptions in his last game is also bad. I feel like these two teams can make enough mistakes for either team to ultimately win in this game, but the maths says that the Titans will make more.
CARDINALS: The Giants are an absolute disaster. Considering the Giants haven’t actually scored a touchdown or field goal this season, it is hard for me to say that they’ll beat the Cardinals (or anybody) by 5 1/2 points.
RAMS: The Rams are back and the 49rs are good. I expect the Rams to keep it closer than 8 points here. If this was a moneyline pick I would place that bet on the 49rs.
COWBOYS: The heavily favored Cowboys are favored because they slaughtered the Giants 40 to 0. I am going to say that the Zach Wilson Jets are better than the Giants, but are probably going to get plowed by the Cowboys (but not as bad as the Giants).
COMMANDERS: The Broncos have proven that they can be beaten at home. Both of these teams look pretty even on paper and is a game that could have multiple lead changes. Ultimately it will come down to Russel Wilson playing like shit (hopefully) and the Commanders beating them out slightly to cover the spread.
DOLPHINS: If a hurt Dolphins team can beat the Chargers, a less hurt Dolphins team can beat the Patriots.
SAINTS: I like the Derek Carr Saints. I also like that he’s a slightly better QB than Bryce Young. The “numbies” show that the Saints are slightly better than the Panthers, and my internal pendulum is swinging for the Saints to beat the Panthers by 3 points.
BROWNS: I was the only one who picked the Browns last week, and I was the only one who won that pick. The Browns have a lot of offensive “numbies” and the Steelers have really bad defensive “numbies”. The Browns have all the better stats and a great running back. Everything is SCREAMING Browns for Monday night.
THE SHIT GAME OF THE WEEK
COLTS: How nice we get to see two shitty teams play each other with a one-point spread. I am picking the Colts simply because they actually did something offensively (even though they lost) than the Texans. If you’re a fan of either team, sorry
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