Because sports should never run your life ... retorts for sports

NFL Update, Recap and Perspectives, Monday, 12-2-19:

NFL Update:

  • Seattle slays another adversary with its customary excellence in the clutch, using a rather rugged and determined running game to wear down what many thought was a formidable rushing defense and, as usual, relying on the big play leadership of Mr. Wilson, who came through when Cousins wasn’t. Minnesota gets a pat on the back for a nice try, but may well need to win 3 of 4 for purposes of earning a playoff ticket… and the sad truth is with Kirk as captain, does it really matter anyway? #Vikings #Seahawks
Categories: NFL

Time to add Eli Chabner as ChabDog of the Month for December 2019

Pictured here in the arms of dear departed friend Eli Glatstein, Eli Chabner officially joins the roster of ChabDogs of the Month for December 2019.

Eli the cocker spaniel, extraordinaire, was the 2nd of 6 such blondies to hold the title of family dog for Bruce and Davi Chabner.  He joined the family on or about Rosh Hashannah of 1990, and was with us for almost 15 years of continuous joy.  Quite the regal looker, Eli loved to be loved, and was never more comfortable than when he was being held … except of course when we was being fed bagels, steak or whatever

else he could get a hold of.  He took very good care of his adopted sister, Lily, and was always there to comfort and support his owners.  No wonder Dr. Glatstein was tickled pink to have such a namesake with floppy ears, a beautiful black nose and the always perfect pose for the camera.

May both of these much beloved Elis rest in peace.


NFL Update, Recap and Perspectives, Sunday, 12-1-19:

NFL Update:

  • Pittsburgh’s crazy hodge-podge of a season takes a turn for the better, as Devlin Hodges leads the Steelers back with an impressive second quarter rally that sinks the Browns. Cleveland seems to be carrying its physical pass defense a bit too far, resulting in costly pass interference penalties and credit the the Burgh’s receivers for going up and getting those passes when they had to. Also helpful has been Benny’s Snelling salts, which have perked up the running game, and of course a big shout out goes to the very stout defense. #Steelers #Browns
  • Flu-ridden Patsies looked pretty incapable of mixing it up with Watson, who did his best impression of LJ, and Brady was harassed and pressured into another sub-par performance.  Let’s face it, the defending champs aren’t scaring anybody with their lack of speed at WR and a rather tepid (if not insignificant) collection of completely forgettable running backs.  And with no Gronk on the horizon, it doesn’t look like Bill will be pulling an Easter Bunny out of his hoodie anytime soon. #Patriots #Texans
  • Big foot Brandon boots the Broncos into a last place tie with the short circuiting Chargers, who forgot their is nothing to fear when little Lock drew up a last second, no chance in hell Hail Mary. This should be enough to get the fans in Denver off Fangio’s back … at least temporarily. #Chargers #Broncos
  • Raider ball reared its ugly head today at Arrowhead, and Coach Gruden was rendered a helpless witness at a very slow motion car crash. Carr was guilty of gross negligence as the engineer of this horrific Sunday drive, with some awful turnovers and misfires, but the icing on the cake was a slew of totally ridiculous penalties. Yes, the Oakland we have fondly come to know and love (not to mention laugh at) was there in all its pathetic glory. The season’s over for the Silver and Black. #Raiders #Chiefs
  • In what could well be a preview of the upcoming Super Bowl, Baltimore was a bit more effective on offense, and relies on its two best players to nullify the almost as nifty Niners. Action Jackson came through when he had to, once again, with a game winning, time consuming drive, and Tucker tucked a long kick between the uprights to win the fight once and for all. #FortyNiners #Ravens
  • Well rested Arizona bird brains flew South for a couple weeks, then return inexplicably apathetic (apparently being out of contention for everything will do that to you … but where is the professional pride). Goff and the rest of the Rams seize the opportunity to get back on their hobby horses and shrug off two-weeks of veritable misery. #Rams #Cardinals
  • An early Xmas celebration at Miami Gardens for the home team, what with Santa Fitzpatrick throwing TDs to a lord-a-leaping Parker and kicker Sanders making everyone forget about that uncoordinated midget named Garo. #Eagles #Dolphins
  • Leave it to the junky Jets, who snatch misery from the jaws of momentum with a very disappointing lay down to Cincy. Kudos to Andy Dalton, who comes back to the lineup with a temporary vengeance. #Jets #Bengals
  • Packers get well in the Meadowlands when snowball throwing Rodgers more than keeps up with the Giants Jones. #Packers #Giants
  • Bucs enjoy the loot and pillage at Jaguar village, after the goodies are practically gift-wrapped by now out-of-favor Foles; better not to stick with Nick for the time being, as witnessed by today’s bonanza of Jaguar backfires. #Buccaneers #Jaguars
  • Redskins find things pretty sweet with a two-headed rushing monster, featuring the once great AP, along with newcomer “the Guice”, and the wheels have definitely come off Carolina’s rickety playoff bandwagon. Way to account for yourself, Washington! #Redskins #Panthers
  • Tennessee kills one of its primary, habitual demons with an impressive road win at Indy; solid defense, efficient play at QB and a whole lot of iron horse Henry are definitely a formula for future success in January. As for the Colts, they’re continually getting kicked in the groin by a malfunctioning kicking game, and the expiring VIN number is none other than Hall of Famer Vinatieri. #Titan #Colts
  • Athletic Bills show they can get things done on the road, and send a signal to the rest of the league that they should be taken seriously … with that defense and some decent to good weapons on offense, a new view of their qualifications certainly seems justified. As for the Cowboys, this team may well win the NFC Least and stagger into the playoffs, but seriously, who cares (other than living-on-life-support Jason Garrett). #Cowboys #Bills
  • Saints don’t exactly dominate, but were never seriously threatened in a very anti-climatic edition of Thanksgiving Night Football. Let’s hope this is the last appearance this year for a Falcon team that has definitely lost its grip. #Saints #Falcons
  • Bears were barely good enough for a Turkey-day roasting of the hapless Lions. Time for the NFL to reconsider thrusting the silver and blue in our faces to start out our Thanksgiving Thursdays. #Bears #Lions
Categories: NFL

NCAAF Top 25 Update, Recap and Perspectives, Saturday, 11-30-19

NCAAF Top 25 Update:

  • Another big disappointment at The Big House for the woefully over-matched Wolverines, who get whupped once again by their arch rivals from Archie Griffin country; to make matters worse, Harbaugh takes the tough questions personal, and seems utterly devoid of any understanding as to why his guys continually come up deficient and inadequate in this showdown of Big 10 big boys. #Buckeyes #Wolverines
  • After a somewhat competitive first half, Sooners put the Cowboys to bed in the Bedlam rivalry, with a powerful running game and big plays by Hurts. #Sooners #Cowboys
  • Aggie fans better break out the brown baggies to cover their heads with after getting buried by Burrow. #Aggies #Tigers
  • Lions avoid an unthinkable sputter against Rutgers. #Lions #ScarletKnights
  • Gophers give the ball away one too many times against the poised Badgers, and end up on the losing end of things as loafers. After all is said and done Wisconsin wins the West and moves on to face OSU in the title game. #Badgers #Gophers
  • No BCS fix this year for The Tide, who score 45 with their 2nd string QB, but can’t find it in themselves to put a stop to Bo “Knows how to beat Bama” Nix. #CrimsonTide #Tigers
  • Clemson absolutely destroys the Lamecocks in Columbia, who had earlier in the year slipped by Georgia; whatever the BCS implications, the Tigers rightfully have their eyes on the national championship. #Tigers #Gamecocks
  • Boy does Boise State look great! So what else is new in the Mountain West. #Broncos #Rams
  • 5-7 shouldn’t (and won’t) cut the mustard for once proud Nebraska, and losing 5 straight to nearby Iowa is no doubt grating on the Husker homies. It’s time for some significant changes in Lincoln, and this starts with frigid coach Frost. #Hawkeyes #Cornhuskers
  • Uncommonly good ending for upstart UVa in the Commonwealth Cup game…. #Hokies #Cavaliers
  • Another “rivalry” game that looks like nothing more than an annual backyard beating among two next door neighbors; Georgia moves on to state its case against LSU. #Bulldogs #YellowJackets
  • Trvial pursuit for the Buffs against the much superior Utes. #Buffaloes #Utes


NBA Update, Recap and Perspectives, Tuesday, 11-26-19:

NBA Update:

  • Beal’s not such a big deal after all, at least that’s what scrappy Gary Harris had to say. Midwest leading Nuggets plug up the otherwise weak Wizards. #Wizards #Nuggets
  • Clippers detach Mavericks from their lately winning ways, with George and a rested Leonard taking scoring honors and a defense by committee approached slowing down Dallas’ Doncic. #Clippers #Mavericks
Categories: NBA

NCAAM Top 25 Update, Recap and Perspectives, Tuesday, 11-26-19:

NCAAM Top 25 Update:

  • What the “F” … as in Stephen F. Austin, which shocks the almighty Blue Devils to the delight of most of the known basketball world … outside of Cameron Indoor. #BlueDevils #Lumberjacks
  • Rough and tough Buffs trail at half, but catch Tigers by the tail and pull ahead at the finish. #Tigers #Buffaloes
  • Butler is enshrined as best in this year’s Hall of Fame tourney with a razor thin margin of win against stammering Stanford. #Cardinal #Bulldogs

NFL Update, Recap and Perspectives, Monday, 11-25-19:

NFL Update:

80 or so years later, there’s again a heady Lamar who’s playing the part of A-lister/bombshell in LA LA land, making all the right decisions, and with maximum athleticism and efficiency; what else can you say about a 15-20, 5 TD gem of a performance? As for Goff, he remains visibly off, sporting a hopeless deer-in-the-headlights look that just seems to get worse with each passing week. And the Ram lines (both sides) were perfectly docile and lamb-like. All this combined for a truly brutal Monday Night sacrifice on the altar of prime time TV. #Ravens #Rams

Categories: NFL

NFL Update, Recap and Perspectives, Sunday, 11-24-19:


NFL Update:

  • Thanks god that Mensa Mike saw the light (listened to the ChabDog?) and subbed in The Duck for My-feet-are-set-in-stone Mason. Steelers emerge from their offensive coma and with some more fabulous play from Fitzpatrick and Co. will their way past the always bumbling Bungles. #Steelers #Bengals
  • Kittle caught a lot more than a little over the middle, while strangely serene Green Bay did little more than fiddle and diddle. If you picked the Packers, shame on you. #Niners #Packers
  • Tough luck for the visiting Cowboys, who play the Patriots to a virtual standoff, but are done in by a phantom tripping call, along with a referee reversal of a 4th down conversion. While Dallas has shown it knows how to score on the weak sisters of the NFL, it’s a different story when they come up against top defenses. #Cowboys #Patriots
  • Just when you thought the Falcons had some fight in them, Atlanta’s Dirty Birds get rear ended at Mercedes-Benz by the erratic, but sometimes effective Bucs. Jameis comes up with a 100+ QBR, while the pass rush messes up Matt’s mojo with a series of sacks, hurries and forced TOs. #Buccaneers #Falcons
  • Today’s win by the Bills was typically workmanlike, if not thrilling. Someone needs to educate QB Brandon on what to do in Denver when his offense is dead … yes, this offense is officially without a pulse. #Broncos #Bills
  • Giants do what they are apt to do and piss off both their fans, and Vegas, by laying down in C-town, while having just enough to cover the spread. #Giants #Bears
  • Mayfield has a field day against a very vulnerable Miami secondary, and Browns go the extra mile to win one for their embattled helmet twirler. #Dolphins #Browns
  • After Slye gets an overwhelming case of the butterflies and his kick slides off to the side, Saints set up Lutz, who doesn’t disappoint. Yes, New Orleans survives and climbs to 9-2, but questions remain based on a pretty shoddy attempt to contain unheralded Kyle Allen. #Panthers #Saints
  • Jets gang up on the Raiders, and turn the tables over on their unsuspecting guests with what is undoubtedly their best performance of the season. Back to the drawing board for Gruden, whose team seemed to be taking it for granted that they’d be set up for an easy-in/easy-out rout in the Meadowlands. #Raiders #Jets
  • Other than the injured list, Wentz and his buddies have been left wondering where their weapons went. Battle of the birds goes decidedly to the Seahawks, who spend most of their time with the ball handing it off to understudy Penny. #Seahawks #Eagles
  • Another Herculean effort by physical specimen Henry, along with top-notch stuff from Tannehill lead Tennessee to a rip roaring home rout of the sluggish Jaguars. #Jaguars #Titans
Categories: NFL

NCAAF Top 25 Update, Recap and Perspectives, Saturday, 11-23-19

NCAAF Top 25 Update:

  • Jayhawks try and do some major world shaking by hanging with No. 22 I-state, until falling apart in the last frame, when things just got too Purdy for the home team. #Jayhawks #Cyclones
  • Boilers continue to be toilers in obscurity at Camp Randall; Taylor tends to the rushing, and things go swimmingly for the Big Bad Badgers. #Boilers #Badgers
  • Ducks won’t soon be clucking after getting stuck for a bad time in Tempe by the Devils of the desert. #Ducks #SunDevils
  • Sooners continue their tightrope act of living dangerously by holding on for dear life against the fearless Frogs from Ft. Worth. #HornedFrogs #Sooners
  • Cincy grinds out a tough victory over Temple and earns its status of top jock in the American Athletic Conference. #Bearcats #Owls
  • Who knew that the new and improved Illini would give the Hawkeyes such a tough time in Iowa City; Iowa keeps its cool with Stanley, a powerful tool for effective game management. #Hawkeyes #FightingIllini
  • Razors travel to Baton Rouge and undergo a major hazing, with Burrow nearly perfect and the defense largely mounting stiff resistance, other than two, fourth quarter garbage TDs. #Razorbacks #Tigers
  • Bears lock horns with the Horns, and this time, apply the brunt of the lethal goring. #Longhorns #Bears
  • As the case has been from time immemorial (or at least since the late 80’s) when it comes to getting a win against Michigan, Indiana doesn’t even know where to begin. #Wolverines #Hoosiers
  • GA slogs its way to another blue collar victory. #Aggies #Bulldogs
  • Will today’s big victory over defenseless UCLA be enough to help Clay stay? Inquiring boosters want to know. #Trojans #Bruins
  • Notre Dame throws the Book at Boston College … and it works. #GoldenEagles #FightingIrish
  • Banner day for Tanner, and Minnesota gets back on track with a road tromping of Northworstern. #GoldenGophers #Wildcats
  • Western Carolina was definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time when they wandered into T-town for cupcake week. And Tide’s attack doesn’t miss much of a beat under replacement Mac. #Catamounts #CrimsonTide
  • Auburn junks Samford and sons. #Bulldogs #Tigers
  • Brutus and his brutes break down the Nittany Lions the JK way; credit Penn St. with giving the Bucks a pretty stiff test, but let’s face it, when it comes to the Big 10, The Ohio State is the best. #NittanyLions #Buckeyes
  • Plus — Harvard goes down hard at the Yale Bowl, blowing a 17 point fourth quarter lead and succumbing in an OT shrouded by darkness. This was perhaps the sweetest win ever for Eli enthusiasts, who may well welcome this recent change in The Game’s fortunes as compensation for objectionable climate change. #Elis #Crimson


NFL Update, Recap and Perspectives, Thursday, 11-21-19:

NFL Update:

  • After being reduced to roadkill by the Ravens, Houston heads home and secures a face-saving win over comparatively innocuous Indy. We’ve seen this before, and there’s little reason to doubt its recurrence once again … the Texans looking good against the AFC South, but not so scintillating when it comes to facing off against the other divisional powers. #Colts #Texans
Categories: NFL

NBA Update, Recap and Perspectives, Wednesday, 11-20-19:

NBA Update:

  • Celts played well enough to beat most teams, but Clippers just kept coming at them, including unrelenting pressure from the human octopus Patrick Beverly, who created havoc with steals and mucho miscellaneous harassment. #Celtics #Clippers
  • Nuggets do practically everything right Wednesday night, including hugging Harden tight on defense like a really snug fitting pampers, and with the result that Houston’s extended winning streak goes in the waste hamper. #Rockets #Nuggets
  • Heat hold Cavs’ feet to the fire, punking Cleveland with some hot shot shooting by Duncan and swarm to 10-3. #Cavaliers #Heat
  • Spurs aren’t used to these kinds of bumps in the road, but it’s clear they need some major shock absorbers. Major holes in this year’s bunch, including shoddy guard play and poor defense must certainly be keep Pop up at night. #Spurs #Wizards
Categories: NBA

Law Office of Brandon S. Chabner

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for more information, go to and mention promo code “CHABDOG” for a 20% discount on our regular hourly rate.

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