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Hey everyone and welcome to NFL Week 16 where I try to beat the spread every week, make a little money, or brag to our work besties that we simply pick winners cause our state doesn’t allow sports betting yet (fuck you California). So take a look below…let me know in the comments section if I fucked this up or on any of my social media handles (note my Week 15 picks were 87.5% on the money). Let’s fucking gooooooooo.
| | @gawdbrudder
I went 9-7 last week and clawed to within 15 games of .500 at 104-119-1 with three weeks to play. That ground is not impossible to make up, but it is going to take foresight, discipline, and some hefty road favorites covering this week. Just look at that Detroit line at Chicago. It’s over a touchdown even though the Lions were shredded on defense last week and nearly allowed a miracle comeback by Caleb Williams on Thanksgiving. So why are we backing Detroit? Because this season, laying the big number with Detroit has paid off. The Lions are 3-1 against the spread when being favored by seven or more, and I expect them to pound the struggling Bears.
I am also taking the Rams, Eagles, Vikings, and Buccaneers as road favorites. They probably won’t all work out, but maybe they will go 3-1 since all four are surging right now while playing inferior competition. I actually like the Giants pick this week since they were able to move the ball a little against Baltimore and Michael Penix Jr. is making his first start for Atlanta. Maybe a rookie mistake or two will help the Giants intercept the ball for the third time this season.
I might not even watch the NFL on Saturday because of the College Football Playoff and a decent college hoops slate, but I expect Kansas City and Pittsburgh to come through for me. The Chiefs have transformed into favorites with the news that Patrick Mahomes is practicing fully this week, so getting two and a half points makes this one the easiest pick on the board. For the Steelers, they failed me as underdogs in Philadelphia, but I’m rolling with them again since they own Lamar Jackson.
Back to Sunday, I am becoming the Carolina whisperer as I smartly jumped off the bandwagon last week when Sir Purr and company became favorites against Dallas. However, now the Cats are back to being dogs and facing a floundering Cardinals team at home. Sign me back up!
Bad news for the haters: None of my fantasy teams made the playoffs, so I have more attention to devote to picks! We are running out of time to make a comeback, but at least I don’t have to worry about how much FAAB money to drop on the waiver wire every week. What I do need to worry about is whether or not the 49ers are back. They burned my strategy of continuing to fade them with their destruction of the Bears, but I think they come back to Earth in a tough divisional game. I am going to Ram It for the first time in a while.
In the next three games, I have big home dogs. The Chiefs never cover, so Cleveland is an easy pick. Cincinnati’s cover in the Simpsons game was a total fluke and Lisa Simpson won’t bail them out this time. Tennessee was terrible against Jacksonville, but I’m sure Will Levis will bounce back now that I’m not relying on him to save my fantasy team. New Orleans is getting way too many points against a Washington team that hasn’t impressed lately.
That brings us to the return of Tommy DeVito to MetLife Stadium. I am actually happy to see him again because Drew Lock was beyond miserable last week, but that doesn’t mean the Giants have a snowball’s chance to beat Baltimore. I think the Ravens win by at least 20 as Derrick Henry attempts a single game rushing record.
The Giants will not be fun to watch, but Dallas at Carolina should be a pretty interesting game considering how bad the record are. The Panthers have been money against the spread as a dog, but I’m not feeling them as a favorite. I think the Cowboys win outright. The Jets are another team I don’t feel great about as a favorite, but I feel better about them than the Jaguars. Plus, Aaron Rodgers is coming off one of his best games a Jet.
Dolphins vs. Texans is close to a toss-up, but I’ll take Houston because of how consistently it runs the ball with Joe Mixon. I feel a lot better about Denver as a home favorite because of how well it has played lately with three straight wins by more than a touchdown. The Lions are still an auto pick because they never lose, and the Steelers get the nod in the underdog spot as usual.
I have to fade the Cardinals, as they have hit the skids with three straight losses. Meanwhile, Tampa Bay has won three straight, but the Chargers are a big step up in competition and should handle the Buccaneers at home. I am going to feel like a fool if I lose against the Seahawks again, but the Packers are playing too well, so we’ll try fading Seattle one more time.
Both home teams look good in the Monday night slate. Sam Darnold has played some of the best football of his career lately for Minnesota, and the Falcons have not played well enough lately for me to trust them against my plucky Raiders.
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Law Offices of Brandon S. Chabner
Brandon’s Posts
Happy Thanksgiving from ChabDog Sports…
There so much to say about this photo and so little time. I love the comment from Deshaun about ankle massages, and who’s that guy with Jordy at the kids’ table…. and who’s the white guy asking for more dark meat… and why is Patrick Mahomes dressed in Britney’s outfit….and I didn’t know Justin Herbert was so funny…and where was Daniel Jones traded to?
ChabDog’s Turkey Day Potpourri —
– For the first course — it’s Bear-meat jerky … really leaves a bad taste in your mouth when served Chicago style
I guess if you’re the Bears, TIME REALLY FLIES WHEN YOU’RE NOT HAVING FUN. Melodrama’s so much fun, in black and white for everyone to see. Coach E’s time management flaws make Coach Tomlin look like a flippin genius. Nero may have watched Rome burn, but at least he didn’t watch a timeout burn a hole in his pocket, like this.
— For dinner — a delicious Dallas Turducken
Jr. jockstrap G-men leave Big D once again quite embarrassed, as Overshown shows them up by PICing the Locke.
— For dessert — It’s Tua Creampuffs sandwiched around the sheen of sherbert colored Aqua Marine.
Same old story … it gets a little uncomfy and the Miami pound machine goes into auto-snooze mode… here with a juicy second down at the environs of the Green Bay 1 … McDaniels chooses to go cute, rather than trying to Ram it home on the ground, and disaster ensues. This team just isn’t tough enough to win against the foot-brawlers like the powers of the NFC Norris, among others.
Well Read’s Posts
Abe’s Posts
Week 11: Abe’s Scrumdidilyumptious NFL Picks (ATS)
Hey everyone & welcome back to my kick-ass blog where I make 50% + accurate picks Against The Spread (ATS)! Rolling into Week 11 with a 58% SZN winning percentage (ATS) and tied for first place among my co-hosts at ChabDog Sports (see below)!
Results to the end of Week 10: gameswins to playedweek 10% ChabDog 151 82 54% Well Read 151 78 52% Abe 151 87 58% Dorothy D 151 87…
— Well Read Producer ChabDog.com (@NewportBest_) November 12, 2024
You damn right I have to brag about this every week! These are hardcore football people and it’s an absolute honor to be able to keep up with them…especially Dorothy Dawn who lives, eats, and shits football all day along with every single person she hangs out with in her life..including her dad, “Packers Bob”, who’s been on our show multiple times and attended the Ice Bowl at Lambeau Field in 1967. So being tied with Dorothy and her army is incredible since all my time is focused on my full-time job, my social media content game, and clearing out my bedroom to make room for a gaming studio for future Twitch streams. So yeah, fuck all of you I’m winning and taking names…LMAO!!! Anyways…..before considering my Week 11 Scrumdidilyumptious ATS Picks, here is my SZN resume for your review.
Resume:
WEEK 1: 10/16 (62.5%) WEEK 2: 8/15 + 1 Push (53.3%) WEEK 3: 8/16 (50%) WEEK 4: 9/16 (56%) WEEK 5: 7/14 (50%) WEEK 6: 10/14 (71%) WEEK 7: 9/15 (60%) WEEK 8: 10/16 (63%) WEEK 9: 9/15 (60%) WEEK 10: 7/14 (50%) SEASON RECORD (ATS): 87/151 + 1 Push (58%)
OK, now that we’re all caught up and you’re still willing to read my scumbag-ass picks, let’s fucking go NFL Week 11 (thank you for acknowledging I’m one of theeeeee best at ChabDog Sports to do it this SZN)!
THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL:
I texted our producer and told him I was taking the chalk (favored team) and going with the Eagles (-3.5). My Thursday Night Football chalk picks have been extremely shitty the last couple of weeks so this made me a little hesitant to pick the Eagles. Still, you got to look at every game as a new situation and felt that the Eagles had enough offensive weapons to beat the Commanders and I wasn’t wrong since the Eagles beat them by 8 points. So I’m already 1/1 for Week 11 along with our producer who also picked them.
| | @gawdbrudder
Week 10: Abe’s Scrumdidilyumptious NFL Picks (ATS)
Hey everyone & welcome back to the start of the 3rd Quarter of the regular NFL SZN! Rolling into this bitch with a 58% winning percentage (ATS) and tied for first place among my co-hosts at ChabDog Sports!
@chabdogsports Results to week 9: Player games pl tot wns % ChabDog 137 77 56% Well Read 137 69 50% Abe 137 80 58% Dorothy D 137 80 58%…
— Well Read Producer ChabDog.com (@NewportBest_) November 5, 2024
You damn right I have to brag about this! These are hardcore football people and it’s an absolute honor to be able to keep up with them…especially Dorothy who lives, eats, and shits football all day along with every single person she hangs out with in her life..including her dad, “Packers Bob”. So being tied with Dorothy and her army is incredible since all my time is focused on my full-time job, my social media content game, and figuring out my gaming studio cave situation. So yeah, fuck all of you I’m winning…LMAO!!! Anyway…..before considering my Week 10 Scrumdidilyumptious ATS Picks, here is my SZN resume for your review.
Resume:
WEEK 1: 10/16 (62.5%) WEEK 2: 8/15 + 1 Push (53.3%) WEEK 3: 8/16 (50%) WEEK 4: 9/16 (56%) WEEK 5: 7/14 (50%) WEEK 6: 10/14 (71%) WEEK 7: 9/15 (60%) WEEK 8: 10/16 (63%) WEEK 9: 9/15 (60%) SEASON RECORD (ATS): 80/137 + 1 Push (58%)
OK, now that we’re all caught up and you’re still willing to read my scumbag-ass picks, let’s fucking go NFL Week 10 (thank you for acknowledging I’m one of theeeeee best at ChabDog Sports to do it this season)!
THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL:
I looked at the spread & decided to take “the chalk” (Baltimore -6.5) only to eat shit again. Of course, the Ravens had to play some weird AF football but were able to win by a single point instead of 6.5 points. The Bengals kept it interesting but dropped the ball when it mattered the most…a tough loss for Bengals fans.
| | @gawdbrudder
Dorothy’s Posts
Aaron’s Posts
Aaron’s Week 8 NFL Picks
I was doing very well last week up until Monday Night Football. The Pittsburgh lock worked out well thanks to the Jets’ continued incompetence and Washington predictably destroyed Carolina despite the injury to Jayden Daniels that will torpedo my fantasy football season. My card was looking really good when Tampa Bay jumped out to an early lead on Baltimore, but then Lamar Jackson ruined all the fun and Baker Mayfield threw a pair of mind-numbing interceptions to help him out. In the ESPN+ game that no one watched, the Chargers failed to reach the end zone and lost to the Cardinals while Cameron Dicker scored more fantasy points than Kyler Murray to hand me a fantasy loss in a match that I had in the bag. Talk about the worst of both worlds.
So that is how I ended up 7-8 and below .500 for a third straight week. The overall record is 49-57-1. Let’s turn it around!
Minnesota at LA Rams +3.5
The Vikings finally suffered a loss last Sunday against Detroit in a game that I correctly predicted. The Rams just beat Las Vegas to keep their season from totally imploding, and an upset over the Vikings could be a big part of Los Angeles’ turnaround. The return of Cooper Kupp and the Rams’ 2-1 record at home this season will give them the edge. Ram it!
Baltimore -9.5 at Cleveland
The Ravens are a juggernaut and I cannot bet against them again until they slow down. Maybe it will be this week against Cleveland’s tough defense and some Jameis Winston magic. I will take my chances with that.
Tennessee at Detroit -10.5
Jared Goff just doesn’t throw incomplete passes anymore and the Titans have even less of a passing offense than before because they traded DeAndre Hopkins.
Arizona +3.5 at Miami
Tua Tagovailoa is coming back to rescue the Dolphins even though the Twitter doctors haven’t cleared him yet. I don’t know how that is legal. I will give Tua a week to shake the rust off and go with the frisky Cardinals.
Aaron’s Week 7 NFL Picks
It is Week 7 already and I am stuck in a midseason rut. I have been under .500 for two straight weeks, and now all I want to do is pick chalk. It is probably because favorites did so well in Week 6. Let’s see if the trend continues!
Denver at New Orleans -1.5
This one is already dead. It’s probably because Denver was favored at kickoff. I just have to come to terms with the Broncos being a decent team. The Saints have now lost five straight since their scintillating start and Spencer Rattler is probably a career backup.
New England +4.5 vs. Jacksonville
Back to London for the Jaguars, who were crushed by the Bears over there last Sunday. Should Jacksonville be favored by more than a field goal against anybody? Maybe the Patriots, because they haven’t covered since their narrow defeat vs. Seattle in Week 2. Still, I am going with New England and its new rookie quarterback.
Seattle at Atlanta -2.5
The Seahawks have been dreadful defensively while losing three in a row. The Falcons are on a roll with three straight wins over NFC South rivals. I am picking Atlanta and hoping that gambling really is this easy.
Tennessee at Buffalo -8.5
Will Levis threw for 95 yards in Tennessee’s loss to Indianapolis last week. That is not going to be enough to keep up with Buffalo and new addition Amari Cooper!
Aaron’s Week 6 NFL Picks
Last week stunk for me. I had just crawled back to .500 and instead of keeping the momentum going, I fell into another hole with a 5-9 week. That’s what I get for picking against my Giants, and that’s one mistake I won’t make again this week. There are other mistakes that I am very willing to repeat, though.
San Francisco -3.5 at Seattle
Fading San Francisco worked out well in Week 5, as it blew another fourth quarter lead to a division rival. This is becoming a disturbing trend for Kyle Shanahan’s team. However, I can’t go with Seattle again after they returned a fumble 102 yards against my Giants and STILL lost by nine.
Jacksonville at Chicago -1.5
The Jaguars have resurrected themselves somewhat with two straight covers (1-1 straight up) after being humiliated by Buffalo on Monday Night Football. I am still fading them, though. That’s because the Bears are HOT HOT HOT with two straight wins that covered the spread. Plus, Caleb Williams is coming off the best game of his young career.
Arizona +4.5 at Green Bay
It is tough to figure this Cardinals team out, but I have picked their games correctly for two weeks in a row. Green Bay should win this game because its only two losses are close ones against Minnesota and Philly, but I like Arizona’s offense too much. I will hope for a field goal game.
Aaron’s Week 5 NFL Picks
Thanks to last week’s brilliant 10-6 performance, I am 31-32-1, and that is a .500 record if you include the Atlanta win already in the books for this week. It took a while, but we finally climbed out of that Week 1 hole. Next stop, profitability?!
Tampa Bay at Atlanta -2.5
I booked it with Well Read before the game on Thursday, so it is going down as a win! Thanks go out to Captain Kirko and my fantasy darling Drake London!
NY Jets vs. Minnesota -2.5
Finally, the Vikings are favored, but this game isn’t in Minnesota; it is in London. The Jets looked legit when they stomped New England, but then they went right back into pretender mode with an ugly home loss to Denver. I will keep riding these Vikings!
Carolina +4.5 at Chicago
The Panthers came back down to Earth last week with a loss vs. Cincinnati, but the Carolina offense continued to look legit with Andy Dalton under center. That will help the Panthers defeat Chicago outright on Sunday!
Baltimore at Cincinnati +2.5
Speaking of offense, the Bengals have scored 72 points over their last two games. They might only need one or two stops on defense to beat Baltimore.
Aaron’s Week 4 NFL Picks
Wow! It’s already Week 4! We should have all of these NFL teams figured out by now, right? I agree that I should have them figured out, but I have not yet obtained the level of sharpness to do just that. It has bee nice to hover around .500 for the last two weeks after a disastrous Week 1, but that still means we’re down overall. Time to start the comeback!
Dallas at NY Giants +6.5
Picking the Giants finally paid off against Cleveland, so why should I stop now? The Cowboys can’t run the ball, and that will allow the Big Blue pass rush to beat down Dak Prescott. It is a little sad how excited I am to see Daniel Jones’ face on the “Just checking in to see if y’all still dem Boys” meme.
Saints at Falcons -2.5
Atlanta might have had the toughest starting schedule in the entire NFL, so even though 1-2 isn’t great, the Falcons still have plenty of chances to improve their record. That starts against the rival Saints, who were finally slowed down by the Eagles last week.
LA Rams +3.0 at Bears
Did the Rams’ comeback against the 49ers just not happen? Sure, they still have a lot of injuries, but Caleb Williams is still very prone to mistakes with two interceptions in each of his last two games. This should at least be a pick ’em. It feels like we are stepping into a trap, but I will take my chances with the advantage at head coach and quarterback.
Minnesota +2.5 at Green Bay
Just keep riding the Vikings. That is the directive here. Yes, Green Bay has been very impressive with a close loss to Philadelphia followed by two wins with Malik Willis under center. I’m just going to keep riding this Viking ship as long as it is an underdog.
Steelers -1.5 at Colts
The Colts beat the Bears last week, but I am off of them until Anthony Richardson shows improvement. He is completing less than half of his passes on the season and not rushing enough to make up for it. The Steelers’ defense will eat him for lunch.
Denver +7.5 at NY Jets
I’m not taking Denver’s big win at Tampa Bay super seriously just yet, but both of the Broncos’ losses came by a touchdown, so I’ll ride with them here.
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay +2.5
I am hoping the Bucs bounce back after their bizarre loss to Denver at home. They did blow out Philly in the Playoffs last season.
Cincinnati -5.5 at Carolina
It’s the Andy Dalton revenge game! But Joe Burrow and the Bengals need it much more and their offense was pretty great in the loss to Washington. They should score enough to cover this as long as the Red Rifle doesn’t play like an MVP again.
Jacksonville at Houston -6.5
Both of these teams were embarrassed last week. At least the Texans have played good football at some point this season.
Washington +3.5 at Arizona
I keep going back and forth on whether Arizona is good or not. Jayden Daniels is showing great poise for a rookie, though. He should keep this game close even if Washington’s horrible defense keeps bleeding points.
New England at San Francisco -10.5
The 49ers need to destroy someone to reestablish dominance. Last week was a disaster for them, and they can’t even use injuries as an excuse since Jauan Jennings was so good.
Cleveland at Las Vegas -2.0
This is so gross. The Browns are horrible, and the Raiders just laid an egg at home to Carolina. I don’t think Cleveland can score on anyone, though.
Kansas City at LA Chargers +7.5
I don’t know why this line is so high. I am sticking with Jim Harbaugh after the setback last week. He knows how to pound the ball and keep possession away from Patrick Mahomes, but it might not even matter with how mid he has been the last two weeks.
Buffalo +2.5 at Baltimore
The Buffalo offense is better without Stefon Diggs. It has scored over 30 points in all three games and we will keep riding it and circling the wagons.
Tennessee at Miami -1.5
Miami needs to win this one after being shocked by the Titans last year in a game that cost the Dolphins a division title. Plus, Miami has a chance to stay relevant in the hunt for the Playoffs with upcoming games at New England and Indianapolis. I’m hoping Mike McDaniel can figure out how to win one without Tua Tagovailoa.
Seattle at Detroit -3.5
The Seahawks are 3-0, but they have played feeble competition. I’ll lay the points with the Lions.