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NFL Update:

• Minnesota rips the rudderless, homeless Chargers, who continue to disregard the commonly held views regarding home field advantage. Another river of turnovers for Rivers, whose team got their butts thoroughly kicked, … although Phil did get his usual bucket of meaningless yards. #Vikings #Chargers
• Steelers stall at home against a savage Buffalo defense, looking mostly confused on offense. After Tomlin abandoned the run (wasn’t James Conner getting about 5 yards a carry), it was tee off time for the Bills’ line, and in the end, cherry picking time for their corners and safeties. Better come up with some other kind of plan, guys, because this isn’t a recipe for success against the good guys. #Bills #Steelers
• Fearless Falcons remind the world that Frisco’s footballers are simply not “all that” with a road victory that came out of, well, left field. The only clear truth this year in the NFC is that any team that finds its way into the playoffs has a decent shot at making the Super Bowl; this is no time to play favorites, because there are none. #Falcons #FortyNiners
• Dallas regroups and runs roughshod over the sacrificial Rams. LAR has no obvious field general, and is beating badly beat on both sides of the line. Time to declare no mas in La La Land as regards both pigskin participants. #Rams #Cowboys
• Irresponsible as always, the Raiders leave their loyal fans in the lurch at the Black Hole church, frittering away a seemingly insurmountable 10-point league in the last five minutes. This fits the team’s personality profile perfectly — since the last Super Bowl win in the early 80’s, but seems a pity when you consider all the great athletes that donned the Silver and Black and laced up their cleats at the O.co. It’s particularly hard to take given who beat them … a team that had by all appearances been left for dead. If only Carr had slid a little sooner, stayed in bounds … and kept that clock running. If only they had not dropped the ensuing 3rd down pass, and gotten the clinching first down. Just lose, baby! #Jaguars #Raiders
• Skins put a spirited home defense, but ultimately relent with the Eagles going to their tried and true formula of Wentz to Ertz. So much for Redskin resistance. #Eagles #Redskins
• Texans finally buckle down on the road against the previously surging Titans, successfully slugging it out n the trenches en route to a critical divisional win. TN’s offense just wasn’t up to the task, and they now have a major hole to crawl out of if they hope to move on to the second season. #Texans #Titans
• The battle of the basement takes an interesting turn, as the G-ment give ground to Miami’s Mermaids with a unusually sterling performance at home; Manning looks to be getting his mojo back, and there was a Saquon sighting. #Dolphins #Giants
• Chiefs stomp the Broncos, with a dominant performance of the type regularly on display last year; Denver pays a dear price for its inexperienced QB and a defense that could never seem to keep up with with Mahomes and friends
• So much for the Bears’ inspired run for extended playing time, as they get roughed up at Lambeau by the division leaders. They may not be flashy, but GB is a very gaudy 11-3. #Bears #Packers
• Bucs lay the lethargic Lions to waste, with Jameis having enough time in the pocket to eat quite a few crab legs. Seriously, the team has really responded to Coach Arians, who deserves lots of credit turning this shagging franchise around. #Buccaneers #Lions
• Seattle holds on with its usual mix of Wilsonian excellence and a persistent, efficient running game. Stink Panthers wait too long to get their act together, and fall short with a somewhat valiant late game comeback. #Seahawks #Panthers
• After a false positive first quarter, things quickly revert back to normal for the hapless Bengals, who are victimized by interceptions and the normal slate of miscues. Patriots land back in familiar territory … the playoffs. #Patriots #Bengals

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NFL Update:

• Giant win for the Eagles in their Herculean struggle to achieve .500 (and beyond) and assert primacy among the dwarfs in the NFL’s most insignificant division. It was nice to see that the Book of Eli isn’t totally closed when it comes to quarterbacking, though there wasn’t much page turning after halftime. #Giants #Eagles

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NFL Update:

• The Cowboys went through another game playing like total zombies, and end up capitulating in Chi-town to the upwardly mobile Bears. Dallas’ defense was a step slow all game, and for most of the night the offense was offensively out of sync and uncoordinated. And what was with Garrett’s play calling … absolutely no creativity, no play action … no nothing. For a guy who should be worried about his job (it seems like he isn’t?) there certainly didn’t seem to be a lot of effort expended. If this keeps up, the god awful Redskins may be in the hunt for a division title, and the sickly Eagles will be in the catbird seat. #Cowboys #Bears

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NFL Update:

• Pittsburgh’s crazy hodge-podge of a season takes a turn for the better, as Devlin Hodges leads the Steelers back with an impressive second quarter rally that sinks the Browns. Cleveland seems to be carrying its physical pass defense a bit too far, resulting in costly pass interference penalties and credit the the Burgh’s receivers for going up and getting those passes when they had to. Also helpful has been Benny’s Snelling salts, which have perked up the running game, and of course a big shout out goes to the very stout defense. #Steelers #Browns
• Flu-ridden Patsies looked pretty incapable of mixing it up with Watson, who did his best impression of LJ, and Brady was harassed and pressured into another sub-par performance.  Let’s face it, the defending champs aren’t scaring anybody with their lack of speed at WR and a rather tepid (if not insignificant) collection of completely forgettable running backs.  And with no Gronk on the horizon, it doesn’t look like Bill will be pulling an Easter Bunny out of his hoodie anytime soon. #Patriots #Texans
• Big foot Brandon boots the Broncos into a last place tie with the short circuiting Chargers, who forgot their is nothing to fear when little Lock drew up a last second, no chance in hell Hail Mary. This should be enough to get the fans in Denver off Fangio’s back … at least temporarily. #Chargers #Broncos
• Raider ball reared its ugly head today at Arrowhead, and Coach Gruden was rendered a helpless witness at a very slow motion car crash. Carr was guilty of gross negligence as the engineer of this horrific Sunday drive, with some awful turnovers and misfires, but the icing on the cake was a slew of totally ridiculous penalties. Yes, the Oakland we have fondly come to know and love (not to mention laugh at) was there in all its pathetic glory. The season’s over for the Silver and Black. #Raiders #Chiefs
• In what could well be a preview of the upcoming Super Bowl, Baltimore was a bit more effective on offense, and relies on its two best players to nullify the almost as nifty Niners. Action Jackson came through when he had to, once again, with a game winning, time consuming drive, and Tucker tucked a long kick between the uprights to win the fight once and for all. #FortyNiners #Ravens
• Well rested Arizona bird brains flew South for a couple weeks, then return inexplicably apathetic (apparently being out of contention for everything will do that to you … but where is the professional pride). Goff and the rest of the Rams seize the opportunity to get back on their hobby horses and shrug off two-weeks of veritable misery. #Rams #Cardinals
• An early Xmas celebration at Miami Gardens for the home team, what with Santa Fitzpatrick throwing TDs to a lord-a-leaping Parker and kicker Sanders making everyone forget about that uncoordinated midget named Garo. #Eagles #Dolphins
• Leave it to the junky Jets, who snatch misery from the jaws of momentum with a very disappointing lay down to Cincy. Kudos to Andy Dalton, who comes back to the lineup with a temporary vengeance. #Jets #Bengals
• Packers get well in the Meadowlands when snowball throwing Rodgers more than keeps up with the Giants Jones. #Packers #Giants
• Bucs enjoy the loot and pillage at Jaguar village, after the goodies are practically gift-wrapped by now out-of-favor Foles; better not to stick with Nick for the time being, as witnessed by today’s bonanza of Jaguar backfires. #Buccaneers #Jaguars
• Redskins find things pretty sweet with a two-headed rushing monster, featuring the once great AP, along with newcomer “the Guice”, and the wheels have definitely come off Carolina’s rickety playoff bandwagon. Way to account for yourself, Washington! #Redskins #Panthers
• Tennessee kills one of its primary, habitual demons with an impressive road win at Indy; solid defense, efficient play at QB and a whole lot of iron horse Henry are definitely a formula for future success in January. As for the Colts, they’re continually getting kicked in the groin by a malfunctioning kicking game, and the expiring VIN number is none other than Hall of Famer Vinatieri. #Titan #Colts
• Athletic Bills show they can get things done on the road, and send a signal to the rest of the league that they should be taken seriously … with that defense and some decent to good weapons on offense, a new view of their qualifications certainly seems justified. As for the Cowboys, this team may well win the NFC Least and stagger into the playoffs, but seriously, who cares (other than living-on-life-support Jason Garrett). #Cowboys #Bills
• Saints don’t exactly dominate, but were never seriously threatened in a very anti-climatic edition of Thanksgiving Night Football. Let’s hope this is the last appearance this year for a Falcon team that has definitely lost its grip. #Saints #Falcons
• Bears were barely good enough for a Turkey-day roasting of the hapless Lions. Time for the NFL to reconsider thrusting the silver and blue in our faces to start out our Thanksgiving Thursdays. #Bears #Lions

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NFL Update:

• Thanks god that Mensa Mike saw the light (listened to the ChabDog?) and subbed in The Duck for My-feet-are-set-in-stone Mason. Steelers emerge from their offensive coma and with some more fabulous play from Fitzpatrick and Co. will their way past the always bumbling Bungles. #Steelers #Bengals
• Kittle caught a lot more than a little over the middle, while strangely serene Green Bay did little more than fiddle and diddle. If you picked the Packers, shame on you. #Niners #Packers
• Tough luck for the visiting Cowboys, who play the Patriots to a virtual standoff, but are done in by a phantom tripping call, along with a referee reversal of a 4th down conversion. While Dallas has shown it knows how to score on the weak sisters of the NFL, it’s a different story when they come up against top defenses. #Cowboys #Patriots
• Just when you thought the Falcons had some fight in them, Atlanta’s Dirty Birds get rear ended at Mercedes-Benz by the erratic, but sometimes effective Bucs. Jameis comes up with a 100+ QBR, while the pass rush messes up Matt’s mojo with a series of sacks, hurries and forced TOs. #Buccaneers #Falcons
• Today’s win by the Bills was typically workmanlike, if not thrilling. Someone needs to educate QB Brandon on what to do in Denver when his offense is dead … yes, this offense is officially without a pulse. #Broncos #Bills
• Giants do what they are apt to do and piss off both their fans, and Vegas, by laying down in C-town, while having just enough to cover the spread. #Giants #Bears
• Mayfield has a field day against a very vulnerable Miami secondary, and Browns go the extra mile to win one for their embattled helmet twirler. #Dolphins #Browns
• After Slye gets an overwhelming case of the butterflies and his kick slides off to the side, Saints set up Lutz, who doesn’t disappoint. Yes, New Orleans survives and climbs to 9-2, but questions remain based on a pretty shoddy attempt to contain unheralded Kyle Allen. #Panthers #Saints
• Jets gang up on the Raiders, and turn the tables over on their unsuspecting guests with what is undoubtedly their best performance of the season. Back to the drawing board for Gruden, whose team seemed to be taking it for granted that they’d be set up for an easy-in/easy-out rout in the Meadowlands. #Raiders #Jets
• Other than the injured list, Wentz and his buddies have been left wondering where their weapons went. Battle of the birds goes decidedly to the Seahawks, who spend most of their time with the ball handing it off to understudy Penny. #Seahawks #Eagles
• Another Herculean effort by physical specimen Henry, along with top-notch stuff from Tannehill lead Tennessee to a rip roaring home rout of the sluggish Jaguars. #Jaguars #Titans

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• Congrats to KC’s much maligned defense, in finally picking up the slack for what tonight was a rather muted KC attack (with Hill under the weather and Mahomey a tad rusty). The Chiefs undoubtedly realized that Rivers’ soft, flutterballs were low hanging fruit when it came to interceptions, particularly when the SD QB felt compelled to go for something a little longer than the trademark dink ‘n dunk. If Reid’s resistance can be this aggressive and effective going forward, who knows, maybe these guys can be taken seriously as SB contenders? #Chiefs #Chargers

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NFL Update:

• Two Thursdays before Thanksgiving, Cleveland’s Myles Outlandish goes to extraordinary and outrageous lengths to make a sick statement … about what we’ll never know. His pointless/senseless helmet hatchet job on PIttsburgh’s defenseless QB was pure assault and battery, and let’s hope the NFL takes the fuel cells out of his batteries for the rest of the year. This ridiculous and sick display is not just “on him”, it’s on Coach Kitchens and the rest of his staff, who created the culture in which this type of mentality was allowed to flourish and fester.

  As for the Steelers, the defense showed up and did its job, but the same cannot be said on the other side of the ball … Yes, the team suffered some major losses in terms of Conner and JuJu going down. However, the play calling was atrocious, and made no sense under the circumstances. Tomlin has apparently forgotten the success in San Diego, where we saw a sensible game plan for Rudolf, involving short passes to the backs, stuff over the middle to the tight ends, and enough running plays to keep the defense honest. There was none of that tonight, and this QB/this team is just not going to win with the standard drop back passes. We don’t have the speed at WR or the big strong QB who can buy time in the pocket to make those plays happen.

  The good news is we’ve got Cincy next, and a great motivational, revenge game when the Clowns come to town. But at some point, the play calling and game plan has to fit our personnel. #Steelers #Browns

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• No surprise to anyone on the planet … sorry Frankie Midnight… as the ultra-incompetent Bungles look totally ridiculous at home against the red hot Ravens. Action Jackson speed read every delayed reaction from the confused Cincy defenders, and was making perfect decisions all day. No trap game here! #Ravens #Bengals
• Vikings look totally tough in gutty road win against the Cowboys. Dalvin Cook leads the way with rugged running and receiving, the defense shuts down Zeke, and Cousins looks anything but weak. #Vikings #Cowboys
• Stubborn Steelers refuse to lose, after a comedic/near disastrous opening blunder, leaning on their steady Rudy, along with a beastly defense, to outlast the Donald of Defense and his rusty Rams. #Rams #Steelers
• Chiefs blow a big game in TN with more weak-willed defense, allowing the Titans to push them around when it mattered most. Yes, they are potent point producers, but are completely incapable of stopping anyone when the spotlight is shining brightly, as Super Bowl contenders go … they are strictly pretenders. #Chiefs #Titans
• We’re all dumbfounded what with the Colts, not the Dolphins, looking like total dolts; Indy may have turned its season upside down with turnovers in a terrible home loss to miserable Miami. #Dolphins #Colts
• Packers use smoke, mirrors, and a blizzard, along with the usual help from the zebra gods and a timely goal line stand, to avoid an embarrassing loss to the pedestrian Panthers. #Panthers #Packers
• Somehow, the Bucs don’t muck things up, coming through in the waning moments to defrock the Cardinals. #Cardinals #Buccaneers
• When it comes to football gangs of New York, it’s Gang Green that looks most mean, judging from their ability to subdue no-so-Big Big. #Giants #Jets
• Cleveland overcomes more whiffing in the red zone to rebuff anemic Buffalo, which looks primed to plummet like a lead balloon in the playoff pecking order. #Bills #Browns
• Lions lay an egg at Soldier Field without their field general, while Chicago finally gets some true leadership from Trubisky. #Lions #Bears
• ATL shocks the world by coming out of irrelevancy to KO the over-hyped Saints, in what must have been a thoroughly satisfying victory for the much-maligned Falcon defense. More evidence of what we saw last year … that superstar Brees isn’t willing to do much scrambling is is pretty much a dead duck in the face of a frenzied pass rush. Yes, NO is still pretty much set to win the NFC South, but don’t expect much from them in the playoffs if they can figure out how to protect their aged QB. #Falcons #Saints