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• No surprise to anyone on the planet … sorry Frankie Midnight… as the ultra-incompetent Bungles look totally ridiculous at home against the red hot Ravens. Action Jackson speed read every delayed reaction from the confused Cincy defenders, and was making perfect decisions all day. No trap game here! #Ravens #Bengals
• Vikings look totally tough in gutty road win against the Cowboys. Dalvin Cook leads the way with rugged running and receiving, the defense shuts down Zeke, and Cousins looks anything but weak. #Vikings #Cowboys
• Stubborn Steelers refuse to lose, after a comedic/near disastrous opening blunder, leaning on their steady Rudy, along with a beastly defense, to outlast the Donald of Defense and his rusty Rams. #Rams #Steelers
• Chiefs blow a big game in TN with more weak-willed defense, allowing the Titans to push them around when it mattered most. Yes, they are potent point producers, but are completely incapable of stopping anyone when the spotlight is shining brightly, as Super Bowl contenders go … they are strictly pretenders. #Chiefs #Titans
• We’re all dumbfounded what with the Colts, not the Dolphins, looking like total dolts; Indy may have turned its season upside down with turnovers in a terrible home loss to miserable Miami. #Dolphins #Colts
• Packers use smoke, mirrors, and a blizzard, along with the usual help from the zebra gods and a timely goal line stand, to avoid an embarrassing loss to the pedestrian Panthers. #Panthers #Packers
• Somehow, the Bucs don’t muck things up, coming through in the waning moments to defrock the Cardinals. #Cardinals #Buccaneers
• When it comes to football gangs of New York, it’s Gang Green that looks most mean, judging from their ability to subdue no-so-Big Big. #Giants #Jets
• Cleveland overcomes more whiffing in the red zone to rebuff anemic Buffalo, which looks primed to plummet like a lead balloon in the playoff pecking order. #Bills #Browns
• Lions lay an egg at Soldier Field without their field general, while Chicago finally gets some true leadership from Trubisky. #Lions #Bears
• ATL shocks the world by coming out of irrelevancy to KO the over-hyped Saints, in what must have been a thoroughly satisfying victory for the much-maligned Falcon defense. More evidence of what we saw last year … that superstar Brees isn’t willing to do much scrambling is is pretty much a dead duck in the face of a frenzied pass rush. Yes, NO is still pretty much set to win the NFC South, but don’t expect much from them in the playoffs if they can figure out how to protect their aged QB. #Falcons #Saints

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NFL Update:

• After going through the motions for 3 quarters, Dallas puts on its big boy pants while the G-men never seem to be able to climb out of the sand box; yeah Barkley had a big pass play, but where’s the ground game and anything more than a handful of yards at a time through the air. The “Giants” are becoming one of the biggest misnomers in the recent history of professional sports. #Cowboys #Giants

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NFL Update:

• Cardinals try an play Cinderalla at home behind the late length of field sprint of Isabella, but when all is said and done the Niners remain on fire; Jimmy G. shines with maximum efficiency. On the other hand Kingsbury needs a course for dummies on how to judiciously spend precious timeouts. #Niners #Cardinals

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NFL Update:

• Maybe it’s time to put a call in to jilted Cody Parkey and sit unsteady Eddy Pineiro on the pine. If you are a plodding, defensively oriented team like the Bears, you had better be sporting a reliable, capable kicker. Chicago screws up another makeable field goal and gives it up at home to the desperate Chargers. #Chargers #Bears
• Routine rout for Seahawks in Atlanta’s nest, as Falcons are no-shows in the first half, then circle back to hover (ruining the cover). #Seahawks #Falcons
• Cooper’s cup runneth over in London, as Goff had enough time to have a tea, survey the scene and deliver accurate passes on a rope. Rams’ d-line has 5 sacks, plenty other hurries and keep Dalton as frantic as a laboratory rat. #Bengals #Rams
• Philly uses its geographical name specialists, including Miles, Dallas, Jordan and Boston to help bring the over-hyped Bills down to earth. Yes, despite some outlandish rumors to the contrary, the Eagles aren’t that bad and the Bills are definitely not that good. #Eagles #Bills
• The NFL fed NY’s unassuming Giants to Lions this week, and Stafford/Detroit was eternally grateful. #Giants #Lions
• Carolina gets its clock cleaned in Santa Clara, even though McCaffrey does his thing; Kyle Allen throws a pile of picks, while Jimmy G. was throwing free and easy. Add in a big day for Tevin Coleman, and SF was off to the races. #Panthers #FortyNiners
• Vindication for Vinatieri, as Indy squeezes by dull Denver in the waning moments; Adam is not the kicker he once was, but proves he still has much to offer in the clutch. #Broncos #Colts
• Another winnable game for TB falls incomplete and into the loss column, as chronically careless Winston floats too many hope offerings up for grabs, in addition to falling victim to a costly strip search. And let’s give Trashyhill credit for being a very obedient game manager and putting his team in position to win with its physical, aggressive defense. #Buccaneers #Titans
• Browns pee in their pants coming out of the gate, and after that soiling it’s all downhill for them on NE soil. Patriots go to 8-0. #Browns #Patriots
• Shaggy Darnold looked nearly just as spooked this week as last, making three more big mistakes in the Jets’ miserable loss to Minshew and his jovial Jags. Gang green continues to look anything but mean and is definitely without fangs. #Jets #Jaguars
• Thumbs up for the Saints, who continue to shut down their opponents and now have their meal ticket back and serving up TDs. Along with the Niners, this team looks like the odds on favorite to come out of the NFC and represent all of the known world (outside of New England) in facing off with the Hatetriots. #Cardinals #Saints
• Raiders sink below .500 by blinking in a disastrous 4th quarter. Deshaun puts on a show when it counted most, while Carr stalled. #Raiders #Texans
• KC just can’t keep up with some typically magical stuff by Rodgers, as well as the Packers’ Jones, who was burning the Chiefs’ fundamentally unsound LBs all night. Even if Mahomes comes back, this defense just can’t cut the mustard. #Packers #Chiefs

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NFL Update:

• Patriots slam Sam and the rest of his junky Jets with a fierce first quarter onslaught and never look back. Darnold’s QB rating goes from through the roof, to a microscopic 3.6. Tons of blame needs to be heaped on Gase and the rest of the clueless NY coaching staff, which had no discernible game play on offense, other than asking their young signal called to close his eyes, throw the ball up for grabs, … and pray. #Patriots #Jets

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NFL Update:

• Is KC’s defense actually this good, or is Denver’s offense just beyond piss poor. It looks like the latter, and Flacco should’ve put on his sack jacket. #Chiefs #Broncos

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NFL Update:

• Steelers travel west and in front of a surprisingly large and boisterous friendly terrible towel contingent win a home game at Carson. Defensive pressure, including stellar games from Bush and Sutton, made the biggest impact, as PIttsburgh had the perfect answer for San Diego’s predictable dink and dunk passing game. On offense, Devlin ran things like a veteran commander, Conner was versatile and effective (100+ from scrimmage) and the running game woke up with smelling salts sprinkled by Snell.Black and Gold will be smiling all the way home, knowing miserable Miami is coming to town. #Steelers #Chargers
• Vikings upend the Eagles, who clearly forgot to send their A-game on the road to Minnesota. Yes, the NFC East is falling apart at the seams, but the Eagles are a big part of this mess and should not be sleeping peacefully. #Vikings #Eagles
• Set your watch on it; on any given Sunday, you’re likely to see Mr. Seahawk beating the clock with a game winning score. Browns do down hard in Cleveland. #Seahawks #Browns
• Chiefs continue to look for some relief, but there’s no use being defensive about it.
  Oh, and the running game has gone into the tank as well. That leaves limited options and a small margin for error for Mahomey, witness today’s 2nd quarter and on collapse against Houston. #Texas #Chiefs
• Saints conquer Minshew and the Jags, in a game where yards were few and far between. #Saints #Jaguars
• Den over Tenn after Mariota and the moribund Titan attack fail to put a dent in the scoreboard. #Titans #Broncos
• If you happened to watch today’s game you saw a prime cut of Action Jackson. Ever thought of spying on the QB, Cincy? #Bengals #Ravens
• Not a bad effort from the depressed Dolphins, who prove you can go for two, and step in it too. #Redskins #Dolphins
• Jets set their engine on Mono-pilot, and Darnold delivers perhaps his best game as a pro; as for the sleepy Cowboys, you can’t take the 1st half off and expect a victory. #Cowboys #Jets
• Lately LA’s largesse when it comes to donating wins knows no bounds and apparently applies to its California cousin, SF. Niners unplug the Ram aerial attack with more stifling pass defense (yes, Sherman, we are not worthy), and after the first quarter, there was simply nothing to speak of on the ground. #FortyNiners #Rams
• Unfortunately for Atlanta, only one of their Matts had a good game. #Falcons #Cardinals

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NFL Update:

• If this game had been played in 2013, we could’ve said that Baker got butchered at the Candlestick. All kidding aside, the Cleveland Clowns get clobbered in prime time when they make the mistake of trying to grapple with Garoppolo. And throw a little Kittle into the mix, and you have a real Maalox moment for another lunchy team venturing forth from the piss poor AFC North. #Brown #NIners