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French Open 2017 Update:

• On the latest edition of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom, Nadal mercilessly and repeatedly ripped into the raw carcass of Wawrinka. All in all, it was clearly playdough time for the owner of the red clay.

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French Open 2017 Update:

• Burly, barrel chested Stan, who in an odd way seems like tennis’ answer to Sebby Janikowski, gives sour patch Andy a swift kick in the pants and is now the world’s last refuge against the scourge of red clay scourge, Nadal.
•  Quirky Raffa mows down the up-and-coming Austrian in a very efficient straight setter.

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French Open 2017 Update:

• Like all the other victims who got torn to shreds, Busta didn’t last too long against the King Kong of Roland Garros.
• Stan had Cilic pegged as an easy mark right from the start, and from there hit all the right spots on the clay target.
• Like a consistent case of halitosis, a super persistent Halep hangs around long enough to some real damage; the end result is a date in the semis with Caroline P.
• After being cited for a faulty ball toss, Murray feels slighted, tells the ump to toss off, and proceeds to take a tennis racket to Nish’s knee caps.
• Novac runs out of steam quite quickly against Thiem. For Novak, this could well signal the end of his hegemony. For Dominic, it gets even harder, real quickly, against the terror of red clay, Nadal.

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French Open 2017 Update:

• Murray KO’s Karen Khachanov;
• Nish tells Nando to go fish;
• Cilic feels terrific after Anderson’s somewhat abrupt retirement;
• Wawrinka’s beautiful backhand down the line is simply the truest shot in tennis … pure power, control and absolute authority. Sorry Gael, you have to sit at the kids table.

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French Open 2017 Update:

• Big John bites his towel nervously, knowing he’s just about to lose to a guy named Karen.
• Djokovic won a somewhat convincing straight setter against ARV..
• Nadal doesn’t get stuck the Agut of Roberto.
• Gasquet exits early and for a few days will be playing croquet.

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French Open 2017 Update:

• The roaming Romanian Halep makes Kasatkina look hapless in the opening set, then holds on with some amazing court coverage in the 2nd.
• Suarez Navarro victimizes Vesnina.
• Bellis does a belly flop in day 2 of her protracted battle with Wozniacki.
• Cornet rolls Radwanska, who did have much ammo to back up her volleys.

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French Open 2017 Update:

• Novak gets quite a fight from a fairly under-the-radar journeyman from Argentina, whose main claim to fame is that his name resembles a South American Semite.
• Under a foreboding sky, Nadal carried out to near perfection a masterful ritual killing of a very bashful Basilashvili.
• Stevie Johnson was born again against Borna, but ran out of steam today against Thiem.
• Guillermo’s thighs got very tired and he retired, in the wake of the ray-o-vac powered serve of Raonic.
• Goffin is buried by a cranky ankle.
• Pablo busts on to the scene by diminishing Dimitrov.
• Doubles trouble as Bob and Mike Bryan mix their twin outfits up and get bounced by Groth the sloth and a partner doing the Lindy.

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French Open 2017 Update:

• Keys finds herself locked out of the Third Round.
• Anna can’t Konjuh up a victory, and Elina pours it on Pironkova.
• Pliskova drives away Alexandrova.
• Polish pusher shoves aside Uytvanck.
• Goodbye send off for Townsend.