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Category Archives: Tennis

French Open 2017 Update: Men’s Semifinals (click post for audio)

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French Open 2017 Update:

  • Burly, barrel chested Stan, who in an odd way seems like tennis’ answer to Sebby Janikowski, gives sour patch Andy a swift kick in the pants and is now the world’s last refuge against the scourge of red clay scourge, Nadal.
  •  Quirky Raffa mows down the up-and-coming Austrian in a very efficient straight setter.

French Open 2017 Update: Quarterfinal Action *with audio

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French Open 2017 Update:

  • Like all the other victims who got torn to shreds, Busta didn’t last too long against the King Kong of Roland Garros.
  • Stan had Cilic pegged as an easy mark right from the start, and from there hit all the right spots on the clay target.
  • Like a consistent case of halitosis, a super persistent Halep hangs around long enough to some real damage; the end result is a date in the semis with Caroline P.
  • After being cited for a faulty ball toss, Murray feels slighted, tells the ump to toss off, and proceeds to take a tennis racket to Nish’s knee caps.
  • Novac runs out of steam quite quickly against Thiem. For Novak, this could well signal the end of his hegemony. For Dominic, it gets even harder, real quickly, against the terror of red clay, Nadal.

French Open 2017 Update: Women’s Singles, Day 8

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French Open 2017 Update:

  • It was Bascinszky, not a teed off Venus, who was basking and backhanding in the glory today on red clay.
  • Mugsy Muguruza got mugged and bugged by a malady named Mladenovic,
  • Caroline manages to stay out of the line of fire when Svetlana put on metal pointed shoes and started to stomp at the end of the second set, like the killer maid in From Russia With Love.
  • Petra the Croat wasn’t sour at all after an easy as pie lunch buffet against Anastasija with a j.
  • Ostapenko ousts Stosur.
  • Witthoeft left in the dust by Pliskova.
  • Cathartic win for Martic.

French Open 2017 Update: Men’s Singles, Day 7

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French Open 2017 Update:

  • The Great Scot hits enough lines to undermine the giant Argentine.
  • Wawrinka doesn’t have to think too much after the first set in getting through the ADD poster boy, Fognini.
  • Any way you look at it, Marin the lanky palindrome had his way in every sense of the word against Feliciano Lopez.
  • KA from SA prevails in a match he was supposed to win a bit easier against surprisingly scrappy Kyle Edmund.

French Open 2017 Update: Men’s Singles (and a little Doubles), Day 6

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French Open 2017 Update:

  • Novak gets quite a fight from a fairly under-the-radar journeyman from Argentina, whose main claim to fame is that his name resembles a South American Semite.
  • Under a foreboding sky, Nadal carried out to near perfection a masterful ritual killing of a very bashful Basilashvili.
  • Stevie Johnson was born again against Borna, but ran out of steam today against Thiem.
  • Guillermo’s thighs got very tired and he retired, in the wake of the ray-o-vac powered serve of Raonic.
  • Goffin is buried by a cranky ankle.
  • Pablo busts on to the scene by diminishing Dimitrov.
  • Doubles trouble as Bob and Mike Bryan mix their twin outfits up and get bounced by Groth the sloth and a partner doing the Lindy.

French Open 2017 Update: Women’s Singles, Day 6

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French Open 2017 Update:

  • No new lease on life in the second set for condemned competitor Elise Mertens.
  • Caroline becomes less than sweet as darkness approaches, and appears to stall her way to a suspension.
  • Garbine wins yet another match between women out of a James Bond movie.
  • Shelby gives Mlady hell before getting felled.
  • Kuzny muscles her way to a grueling three-set victory, which left Zhang Shuai of China not feeling all that comfortable.
  • Sam the Woman beats up on poor little Bethanie.

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