Because sports should never run your life ... retorts for sports

Category Archives: Tennis

US Open Series Update: Citi Open

US Open Series Update: Citi Open

  • The only question mark about newbie sensation Zverev is what exactly is his preferred first name… whether you call him Sasha or Alexander, it’s clear he is one of the hottest commodities on the Men’s tour coming into the US Open, and will be a force to be reckoned with. Today, he plowed through powerful Kevin Anderson, and hardly broke a sweat, let alone messed up his flowing locks. And his surprisingly effervescent personality is quite refreshing.

US Open Series Update: Atlanta Open

US Open Series Update:

  • The long and the short of it is that Isner served his way to another title (Atlanta Open) … but the rest of his game still has a ton of holes. Up until now, that has always caught up with him at Majors, and this year should be no difference. But let’s also admit that his serving package is the most devastating weapon of its kind that we’ve ever seen. At 6 foot 10, the angles he gets are simply unfair.

Wimbledon Update: the day before the Women’s final

Wimbledon Update:

  • It’s easy to win, when your ship’s come in, and you think you’ve got the market beat, now that the field is missing the shifty Spaniard with pants too tight in the seat. Ah, but don’t forget that waiting in the wings is a guy who is a lot younger, who should be a lot hungrier, and since he doesn’t have his beard cream, is really itching for a Wimby title. Go Marin!
  • Fed says Bye Bye Berdy, which, sadly, means no more Queen Ester.
  • It will take a true Muguruzian effort to put down this year’s sentimental favorite, the often sour-faced sister of Serena … and that is exactly what Garbine the winning machine can supply.

Wimbledon Update: Manic and Womanic Monday (Day 7)

Wimbledon Update:

  • Head scratching loss for Nadal, who had thought he was the most Major terrorist of them all; sorry Rafa, today Muller was your ruler.
  • Paire blows another tire when he runs into the Scottish hangnail named Murray, and doesn’t have an adequate spare.
  • Fed puts Baby Fed to bed, without much drama.
  • Experience over curls, as Milos straightens out petulant, big boy Zverev.
  • Marin makes marinara out of Agut.
  • Tomas brings out his big gun to detonate Dominick.
  • Mugsyrutha KO’s Kerber.
  • Size doesn’t matter when half pint Halep is victor against Victoria.
  • Vandeweghe pushes the persistent pusher Wozniacki out of the picture.

Wimbledon Update: Women’s Singles (Day 6)

Wimbledon Update:

  • Garbine empties some cartridges against Sorana.
  • Martic throws Diyas from the dais.
  • As usual, Wozniacki outworks her opponent.
  • Kerber survives a scare from Ms. Rogers.
  • Magdalena looks magnificant against Lesya.
  • Agnie has the time of her life against Timea.

Wimbledon Update: Men’s Singles (Day 6)

Wimbledon Update:

  • Djoker gobbles up Gulbis, and in the process forces a focus pill down the throat of Mr. Chair Umpire.
  • Roger makes mincemeat out of Mischa.
  • Querrey questions those who say an American man doesn’t belong in the 4th round.
  • Thiem continues to play like a dream.
  • Berdych takes out David Ferrer and his slingshot, turning the Spanish bulldog into a terrified terrier.
  • Zverev goes off on Ofner.
  • According to most experts, the wrong French Mannarino won today when Gael met Adrian.
  • It may be impossible to build a more Wimbledon winning machine than the towering Raonic man.

Wimbledon Update: Women’s Singles (Day 5)


Wimbledon Update:

  • Konta is as vicious as Cujo and joins Konjuh in the 4th round.
  • Venus drops the big one on Osaka.
  • Halep peppers her shots just enough to make Peng Shui really uncomfortable.
  • Big Vicky ruins the tea party when beats back favorite daughter Heather Watson.
  • Elina over Carina.
  • Garcia brings it against Brengle.

Wimbledon Update: Men’s Singles (Day 5)

Wimbledon Update:

  • Muller continues his historic makeover.  Bruno would be proud.
  • Nadal takes off his khakis, puts on his tight-fitting shorts, and puts Khackanov in a straight jacket.
  • Anderson pummels Bemelmans.
  • Nish loses the wishbone pull to yet another spunky Spaniard.
  • Cilic forgets to shave, but still gives a tennis clinique to poor Steve Johnson.
  • Paire his many more than a pair of aces in jousting with, and ousting, Jerzy Boy.

Wimbledon Update: Men’s Singles (Day 4)

Wimbledon Update:

  • Diminutive Dudi now has a tour of duty in Wimbledon’s 3rd round, after slaying the UGA Goliath.
  • No surprise that Fed comes out ahead.
  • Djoker evokes a real helpless, Pavlovian response from Pavlasek.
  • Grigor turns Baghdatis fans into brown bag heads.
  • Mischa tells Mikhail to hail a cab.
  • Monfils temporarily finds his inner peace against Kyle Edmund.
  • Better keep your eye on one emerging Ernests.
  • Harrison look more than a bit harried against Boom Boom.
  • Andrey Rublev rubs Albert Ramos-Vinolas the wrong way.
  • Alexander the great Zverev casts away Tiafoe.
  • Ofner beats the socks off Sock.

Wimbledon Update: Men’s Singles (Day 3)

Wimbledon Update:

  • Kei staves off Serg.
  • Bautista’s win saves me from having to spell Peter G’s last name again.
  • Fabio proves Italy can sink a foreign Vesely.
  • Andy keeps his pledge and dusts off Dustin.
  • Big KA sends little Andreas home clutching his Seppi cup.
  • Perhaps it is indeed time to beware, the bearded Benoit Paire.
  • Marin wipes the floor with Florian.
  • Just another routine relative rout by Rafa.

Law Office of Brandon S. Chabner

A Professional Corporation — providing business and outside general counsel services, including entity formation, contract drafting and negotiation and transaction structuring.

for more information, go to and mention promo code “CHABDOG” for a 20% discount on our regular hourly rate.

Winner of Easy Reader’s 2017 Best of Beach/Best Business Attorney