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Category Archives: Tennis

Australian Open Update: 1/17/19 (Women’s Singles) (and click post to hear something about Mary and those goofy bastards)

Australian Open Update:

— Sabalenka doesn’t go down quietly (unfortunately for those within earshot), as she gets ruthlessly dismembered by teen angel executioner Anismova
— Osaka was noticeably off her game, but had more than enough ammo to off Zidansek
— Halep survives the 3-set plan of comrade Kenin
— Little known slugger Yastremska bashes her way to a surprise win over No. 23 Navarro
— Not even a genie out of the bottle could’ve saved Eugenie, who gets roundly throttled by Serena
— Anastasia annihilates Aliaksandra
— Defending Champ is dumbfounded as Sharapova finds the steely resolve she’s been searching for, and it’s Caroline who clutches up when it counts; the moral to this story is good defense is usually not enough … you usually have to hit some winners to be a winner

Australian Open Update: 1/17/19 (Men’s Singles) (click for audio — “Ted Intro”)

Just wasn’t in the cards for Taro…

Australian Open Update:

— It just wasn’t in the cards for Taro against menacing Denis
— Ryan doubles down against ii Daniil
— Jo-Wilfried goes bye bye without as much as a whimper to No. 1 Novak
— Slim sweeper Zverev looks plenty hardy in surviving a grueling 5-setter with Chardy
— Taylor’s game predictably goes on the fritz in yawner of a loss to Fed
— The Berdych strut is in full bloom as the towering Czech dunks on little Diego
— Alex from Australia ousts Gilles from Gaul
— Stefano still standing after knocking off Nikoloz
— Thomas’ train gets derailed by Dimitrov
— Tiafoe appears to be tiring against Mr. Consistency, Seppi.

Australian Open Update: 1/16/19 (Men’s Singles) (click for audio)

When it comes to serving and overheads, Milos has the feel good formula…

Australian Open Men’s Singles Update:

— Another fine Italian job with Fabbiano fabricating a tough five-set win over Opeiker
— Grigor grinds out a gritty win over Cuevas
–Ebden was anything but ebullient after getting ravaged by Nadal
— Laaksonen comes all the way before taking a deadly detour against De Minnaur
— Wawrinka blinks at 5-2 in the decisive set, giving a sometimes sluggish Raonic the opening he needed to squeeze through.
— Ivo carpet bombs Kei with 60 daisy cutters before succumbing in the 5th set super breaker
— Chung hung out to dry when a Hugues Herbert’s serve hugs a millimeter of the service line on match point.

Australian Open Update: 1/15/19 (Women’s Singles) (and click post to hear Drew in “Office Space” discussing the “Oh” face)

ChabDog’s definitely jumping on the AA bandwagon …

Australian Open Update:

— There’s a significant difference between Carla and Clara, Kuzmova and Kozlova, as well as Pliskova and Blinkova
— Another stuck-in-the-mud performance down under for Stosur
— Simona says “I not ready to get upset”
— Magda gets bagged by Osaka
— Caroline Garcia avoids a nasty case of Hives
— Pavly drop kicks favored Kiki Bertens
— Sloane Stephens beats up Babos
— Time to Wang Chung in the Rod Laver — its a Barty victory party
— Amanda Anisimova displays some positive animosity in sinking Tsurenko

Australian Open Update: 1/15/19 (Men’s Singles) (and click post to hear a real genius)

Benoit “Blond Ambition” Paire

Australian Open Update:

— Attention deficit poster boy Paire can’t overcome a 2-set deficit to Dominic
— No Greek tragedy as Tsitsipas hits all the right passes against Troicki
— After four too-close-for-comfort sets, short Schwartzman decides to stop cuddling with Kudla
— Jo-Wilfried finally finds a way to slow up Martin
— M. Zverev just didn’t have the pop in his groundies to stop Popyrin
— A wounded Ernests has to give it a rest against Wawrinka

— Sakharov found himself dominated right from the starterer against Marterer
— It wasn’t Friday the 13th, so no reason for Djoker to be scared by Krueger
— Loss to Milos will almost certainly make Nick sick
— Nice work by No. 19 Nikoloz
— Andreas sails by Jordan in 3 easy pieces
— Haase says no mas after being totally controlled by Tomas
— Another tennis clinic put on by Cilic
— Tiafoe, tennis’ version of little LeBron, proves to be a giant killer by KO’ing KA.
— Verdict for Verdasco, who leaves little doubt with a rout of Albot.
— For an extended period, unheralded Evans was ever so competitive with Fed.

Australian Open Update: 1/14/19 (Women’s Singles) (and click post to hear Henry Gibson’s last 30 seconds in the Blues Brothers)

Serena could hardly have looked meaner

Aussie Open Update:

— Serena enjoys being the Meanest Machine we’ve seen since The Longest Yard in swatting away Tatjana

— Larsson makes Lapko her lap dog

— Begu disposes of petulant Petkovic

— Rosy outlook for Wozny? Time will tell, but the smart money doesn’t like the smell.

— Kvitova looks pretty fit in unloading her magazine on Magdalena

— If only Parmentier could’ve done a better job covering the perimeter against Potapova

— Peng wishes she was playing table tennes against hard hitting Bouchard

— More Madison Keyes, please

Australian Open Update: 1/14/19 (Men’s Singles) (and click post to hear Tony drop the hammer on Richie)

Unfortunately for Bernard, win and Tomic weren’t served together

Aussie Open Update:

— All burned up after getting mastered by Marin, Bernie lets loose on little lord Lleyton
— Munar landing is a rough one for Jaumie, who is forced to accept a rather unpleasant retirement package from Fognini
— For Ivo, its off to the races with aces against humble Hubert
— A million kisses down under for Millman
— Fans are treated to a rousing showing of the picture Viktor Victorious
— Mirza lacked the basic skills to grasp Henri’s on-court artistry
— Big Mac attack leads to Rublev removal
— 1573 turned into a wonderful garden of Ebden
— Stylish Feliciano released on his own recognizance
— Successful 1st round ride for Italian stallion Seppi
— Mon dieu its another breezy win for Monfils
— No more tennis for Tennys
— Murray trips due to a bum hip
— Minimal exertion for Federer against Istomin
— Taylor stitches together a neat win over Norrie
— Bolt undresses Sock
— Colorful fireworks for American Ryan Harrison
— Goffin gives his opponent a Christian burial
— Zverev not about to be taken in by Aljaz
— Kamil is history again Nishikori
— Query what exactly happened today to sad Sam Querrey?

US Open Men’s Singles Update (Finals) (click for audio):

US Open Men’s Singles Update:

  • Now that he’s again conquered the US Open, Novak knows that he’s back on top. There’s nobody out there built to outlast the incredibly flexible, yet sturdy Serb. Today, he had all the answers on defense, and was better able to attack on his own terms than his stalwart, but ultimately outgunned, challenger.

US Open Women’s Singles Update (Finals) (click for audio):

US Open Women’s Singles Update:

  • Not so serene Serena gets bounced by a very worthy champion Osaka. Although calling the umpire a thief doesn’t seem like a hanging offense, her tone, combined with smashing her racket on the ground hard enough to destroy a Chase ATM, as well as the prior infractions resulted in a penalty that was arguably justified under the circumstances.  There’s a bit of an anger management issue that has never been addressed, and in her press conference there was really no acknowledgement that she had handled things badly, not to mention any apology.

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