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MLB Update:

• Yanks sever the head of Mr. Red, with some severely wicked stuff from Severino, and something big that goes down (and out) from Frazier. #Yankees #Reds
• St. Louis is becoming known as the place for roasted Rockies, not to mention toasted raviolis. #Cardinals #Rockies
• Royal flashback to 2015 continues courtesy of a very hot Hosmer. #Royals #Tigers
• Startling way to lose for the Bucs as Starling started the wrong way on a fly ball. #Giants #Pirates
• Red Sox finally find their tailwind behind who else, but Sale, and a snot nosed rookie you Devers would have expected. #RedSox #Mariners
• Braves can’t handle various shots dished out by the very sharp D-backs, including an inside-the-parker job from Ketel. #Diamondbacks #Braves
• Intoxicating play from the D-backs, who dish out an inside-the-parker job from Ketel. #Diamondbacks #Braves
• Oh, how the O’s were longing for a long ball like the one that left the bat of Longoria. #Rays #Orioles

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MLB Update:

• Blash certainly wasn’t blashful up at the plate, but Terry breathed a sigh of relief when his blash went foul by an eyelash. #Mets #Padres
• Memo to Farrell — maybe it’s time for some electro-shock treatments; your boys are laying down like they’ve got comas that won’t go away, and the Yankees are coming. #Mariners #RedSox
• If only the committees in Washington were as results oriented as KC’s ridiculously large bullpen by committee. Methinks the poor Tigers were getting cross-eyed watching Royal relievers getting shuttled around. #Royals #Tigers
• Gausman finally has cause to rejoice as Orio’s snuff out the flickering Rays. #Orioles #Rays
• As expected, Astros give Phillies their obligatory ass-kicking. #Phillies #Astros
• Cubs continue to periodically and predictably stub their toes … despite the fact that tonight there was absolutely no reason to be harried playing the Harry Cary horrible Pale Hose. #WhiteSox #Cubs
• Giants and Cain get totally brained upside the head by the combination of Gerrit Cole’s heavy fastball and Cutch’s heavyweight display of power. #Giants #PIrates

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MLB Update:

• Nationals couldn’t be more pleased that the Doolittle Air Raid did a lot to save ‘ol Dustry Baker’s bacon. #Nationals #Diamondbacks
• Pittsburgh wilts under the expected push back in CO, which featured virtuoso performances by Mark Reynolds, starter Marquez, and hurlers marking their territory with bean balls and brush backs. #Pirates #Rockies
• Oh the pain, oh the misery, being visited on the O’s lame throwers by the traveling Astros. #Astros #Orioles
• Milwaukee could’ve suffered endless damnation from Brewer nation, forever consigned to wondering where the hell did its 7-run lead go, if not for the heroics of one Santana, Domingo. #Brewers #Phillies
• It’s wrally wanker time at Citi Field, as Wilmer whacks one realy good and sends Frankie Midnight home smiling. #Mets #Athletics
• Ballpark Rangers decide to show up for work today in St. Pete. #Rangers #Rays
• Surprisingly stout Lindor closes yet another window of opportunity for a win on the hard luck Blue Jays. #BlueJays #Indians
• San Diego Quack has the perfect cure for Giants’ common cold streak. #Padres #Giants
• No relief from the open door approach taken by the St. Louis pen. #Cubs #Cardinals

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MLB Update:

• Defeat defying Dodgers finally lose their attitude against awfully ordinary Atlanta. #Dodgers #Atlanta
• King Felix pays for letting down his guard against the sometimes dangerous Gardner. #Yankees #Mariners
• Bochy must be having a real tough time recognizing who those guys are who are wearing Giants uniforms, what with another humbling loss to the bumbling Pads and the Mad Bum pitching like a relative bum. #Giants #Padres
• Royals continue to tread water, which is exactly what you need to be doing to have chance in the AL Comedy Central. #Royals #Tigers
• Oriole boppers show their fidelity to winner Castro by hammering Hamels into submission. #Orioles #Rangers
• Blue Jays use Smoak,Pearcing, sunshine filled mirrors, and a golden opportunity to hit against the weak Fister in Boston’s rotation abscond with a victory and a series split with the Red Sox. #RedSox #BlueJays
• Give the Pirates loads of credit for keeping the faith when times were tough, and now the Brewers have a confident, rabble rousing bevy of baseball busting Bucs to contend with. #Brewers #Pirates
• Dreadful Reds’ hitting (and pitching) continues to go nowhere but on the lam, while Zona stays in the zone as its own Lamb continues to live large. #Diamondbacks #Reds
• Trevor learns the hard way that pitchers shouldn’t admire their pitches, any more than batters shouldn’t gloat over their home runs. #Mets #Cardinals

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MLB Update:

• Just imagine how potent this D-back team will be with J.D. Martinez. Tonight’s lashing of the Reds was case in point. #Reds #Diamondbacks
• Like everyone else, White Sox wave the white flag against Kershaw. #Dodgers #WhiteSox
• Met futility hits a new low, as their shoddy fielding (3 errors) matches their ineptitude at the plate (3 hits). #Mets #Cardinals
• Rangers have definitely come down with a bad case of Birds’ flu. #Orioles #Rangers
• Marte party at PNC ends quite happily for the Bucs, who now find themselves back in the thick of things in the NL Central. #Pirates #Brewers
• It was well past the time for last call at the Cask ‘N Flagon, when warmed up Hanley got all of the ball. #BlueJays #RedSox

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MLB Update:

• Ahoy maties! Mariners have started off the second half by tightening their ship, while the Astros show hints of a slip. #Astros #Mariners
• Punch and Judy Royals get violated by the previously terrible Tigers. #Royals #Tigers
• Wheeler, Robles and Co. do a Phamtastic job greasing the Cardinal wheelhouse, as St. Louis buries the Mets with six in the sixth. #Cardinals #Mets
• A mirage of pitching for Baltimore prevents a barrage of hitting for Texas. #Orioles #Rangers
• Polanco puts together a Honus Wagner type performance, which leaves the sheepish Brewers sloshing around in steel town. #Pirates #Brewers
• Shaky relief pitching and spotty hitting continue to plague front running Red Sox. #RedSox #BlueJays
• Based on this very successful sweep, there are no kinks in the state of the Nationals’ health, as they are sitting pretty atop the NL East. #Nationals #Reds

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MLB Update (Lynyrd Skynyrd style):

• Ooh that smell, can’t ya smell that smell… it’s the stench coming from the mound at Camden Yards… them’s some pretty stinky meatballs being served up by Kevin “I just got hit into the causeway” Gausman. #Orioles #Cubs
• Yee haw! JB’s huge hammer gives the Buccos the 3 runs they need to force the recalcitrant Redbirds 3 steps toward the door. #Pirates #Cardinals
• Yanks let get away a valuable chance to rip the hearts out of the Red Sox…. you got that right… yeah you got that right. #RedSox #Yankees
• I never dreamed that a stroke could be as dreamy as that of Charmin Robinson, the ultra smooth Cano. #Mariners #WhiteSox
• Some serious down south jukin going on in Atlanta to jump start the 2nd half for the Braves. #Diamondbacks #Braves
• Joey Gallo takes a break from his meeting with Cousin Vinny to send Texas’ Napoli an important text… don’t ask me, no more question… #Rangers #Royals
• Pitiful Phils done in by a Brauny slam, a three run job by Orlando, and double double trouble from Santana. #Phillies #Brewers
• Call me the breeze deGrom, he of the flowing locks, hopes he can push the dopey Mets up the NL East ladder.
• Bryce, the man with one of the nicest swings in the NL, is someone the Nat fans simply love and understand. #Reds #Nationals
• Dodgers very pweased to have a dialed in, competitive Puig of their own. #Dodgers #Marlins

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MLB Update:

• Beating fake Jake just ain’t what it used to be, but tonight’s push back win by the Buccos was a huge booster shot for the Burghers. #Pirates #Cubs
• A very tough loss today for poor fellow Porcello. #RedSox #Rays
• Wheeler’s 3-6, and have the wheels officially come off the Mets’ bandwagon?
• Brave affront put up by heretofore invisible Atlanta, as Braves keep their deficit in NL East to single digits. #Nationals #Braves
• Orioles get some pitching, and leave Twin batters bitching. #Twins #Orioles