Because sports should never run your life ... retorts for sports

Category Archives: Soccer

World Cupdate 2018: Day 24 (click post for audio)

World Cupdate 2018:

  • Though they showed up dressed for a picnic, it was anything but that for the hard working, red checkered Croatians, who get doubled-up 4-2 by Les Bleus and have to settle for second. With all this speed and youth, France may well be back on top in less than a generation. Toutes nos félicitations!

World Cupdate 2018: Day 23 (click post for audio)

World Cupdate 2018:

  • England’s Harry Houdini act comes to a crashing halt, as they fail to put away Croatia and are made to pay in extra time. The Brits started well, but did not take advantage of a number of opportunities to put the game out of reach, and when they took the foot of, or ran out of, gas in the 2nd half, their ever resilient opponents just kept coming.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 21 (click post for audio)

World Cupdate 2018:

  • Russia’s 120 minute plan works to perfection, exception for one little snag … Modric’s poke trickles in for Croatia’s win. Sorrow in Sochi, but zany celebrations in Zagreb.
  • England is getting oh so close to its latest finest hour, as they get carried into the semis with a big boost from their other Harry.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 20

World Cupdate 2018:

  • After the breakthrough goal by Varane, Uruguay’s never the same, and the French add insult to injury when Griezmann’s greasy shot slips through the fingers of Fernando.
  • Brazil folds after some very uncourteous rejections from Courtois, and some brusque treatment all over the playing field from De Bruyne. Hats off to the Belgians, whose defense proved to much more like the great wall of China than the Maginot Line, much to the surprise of conventional thinking and most soccer commentators.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 19

World Cupdate 2018:

  • Three Lions finally show the heart of a lion in the penalty kick phase, while the Colombians wilt once they find themselves a leg up. Are the Brits a team of destiny, or just playing on borrowed time? One thing’s for sure … Kane is good as a mane man leading the charge.
  • Nordic force of nature, Emil Forsberg, creates the only opportunity that the Swedes need in a near miss loss for the Swiss. Time to take stock of the strikers from Stockholm.


World Cupdate 2018: Day 18

World Cupdate 2018:

  • Belgium nearly makes a big belly flop, getting dominated early by a surprisingly plucky Japanese team, before willing their way back into the quarterfinal space with a shot sent into the right place by Nacer. Victory notwithstanding, this kind of performance is not a harbinger of good things to come/looks bad for the guys in red plaid.
  • Sunny day for the fellas in the sunny jerseys, as Neymar and friends run circles around a transfixed Mexico when it mattered most. Brazil still has the biggest weapon in the game, and given the strong supporting cast, there’s not a whole lot anyone can do about it.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 17

World Cupdate 2018:

  • With Kasper in goal, the experts weren’t giving Croatia a ghost of chance in the penalty phase, but Croatia wasn’t cooperating after Modric got in scoring mode.
  • From their front porch, Russia can now see itself in the Quarters after its goalie keeps a foot in the right door on penalty kick no. 5.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 16

World Cupdate 2018:

  • As ChabDognosticated, Argentina’s fairy tale comes to an abrupt end, when Mbappe shows them that he’s definitely their pappy. France was just too fast, too young and too strong for Messi and his messed up compadres.  PS — Nice GEICO slide by Pavard
  • Much disappointment for “Euro” power Portugal, as little Uruguay shows them who’s boss. These guys wearing the sky blue are tough hombres, and must be taken seriously as a threat to win the whole enchilada. No happy meal for Ronaldo.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 15

World Cupdate 2018:

  • Led by Wahbi, Tunisia looked like they wanted to stay, while Panama seemed more like World Cup wannabes.
  • Belgium grabs glory in Group G with a backbreaking gash of a shot from audacious Adnan and clearly looks ready to rumble.
  • By being more mellow when it comes to accumulating yellow, Japan wins when it loses … and moves on.
  • Columbia does the bare minimum to topple Senegal with Mina’s head’s up play late in the game. They are now well positioned for an extended run, nestled in the soft half of the Knockout Round bracket.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 14

World Cupdate 2018:

  • Swede revenge as defending champ Germany can’t muster the goals to keep up with the Scandanavians, and to make things even worse, gets punched in the mouth on the way out by South Korea.
  • The Swiss could’ve backed in, but do the right thing by getting that additional point and moving on; meanwhile, Costa Rica doesn’t coast, but rather plays aggressive in earning a hard fought draw.
  • Stylish Brazil did the responsible thing this by taking plenty of vitamin E, and then powering through Serbia … nailing down the top spot in their group.
  • Redemption for Sweden, as they dominate a lazy, lackluster Mexico, which it turns out, didn’t need to win anyway.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 13

World Cupdate 2018:

  • With Messi and Rojo controlling the joystick, team Argentina maneuvers past Nigeria with just minutes to spare. Celebrate now, because going forward there will be little room for the gaffs, hiccups and screw ups that up to now have not ended up costing you. Time to put on your big boy pants when you play France.
  • Iceland croaks against group winner, winner, Chicken Parm dinner Croatia in a totally meaningless undertaking.
  • Peru victimizes poor Australia with a new policy of austerity on defense, coupled with some fancy footwork from Carrillo and a well placed pinball by Cap’n Paolo.
  • Sleepy France and Denmark settle for nil / nil in a game noticeably devoid of a winner’s will.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 12

World Cupdate 2018:

  • Physical Iran gives polished Portugal quite a scare before it ran out of time, and points. The favorite sons of the Iberian Peninsula will need more scoring if they intend to keep up with the big boys in the next round.
  • Spain’s got a bit of explaining to do, after controlling the ball for nearly 70% of the minutes, winning the corner kick battle 7 to 1, but needing a very late equalizer (blessed by the recorder) to escape with the #1 pole position from Group B. Give them a C+ for execution, despite the overall good result (and that’s charitable).
  • Yes, Russia lives to fight another day, but without smoke and mirrors they were no match for Uruguay; don’t count on them lasting too long in the knockout round… no matter who they play. #Russia #Uruguay
  • Saudis leave the World Cup glad, after winning a bruising Middle Eastern skirmish in Volgograd.

World Cupdate 2018: Day 11

World Cupdate 2018:

  • Minus Juan Valdez, a highly caffeinated group of Colombians bounce the Poles out of the tournament and vault themselves into the think of the scrum for the 2nd qualifying spot in Group H. The South Americans now control their own destiny and are an odds on favorite to send Senegal home/packing.
  • Senegal had Wague notions of 3 points and a victory, before Honda drove the equalizer home and Japan was saved!
  • Worse than a hoof and mouth pandemic, Panama gets Kaned and Stoned to death, … just for showing up to their match with the emerging powerhouse that is England. Are the Brits taking the same route to the promised land that they happened upon in 1966?

World Cupdate 2018: Day 10

World Cupdate 2018:

  • Hard nosed Germany refuses to knuckle under, even when a man down, and in the waning moments pulls off a perfect, curling free kick, which seemed to catch goalie Olsen off guard and left the Swedish coach boiling in oil.
  • After an unnerving breakaway by Hirving, Koreans get sent off with hernias chasing Chicharito, who finds the net yet again.
  • Grand day for the footballers from Flanders, who rout Tunisia behind Hazard and Lukaku.

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